Re: What is your arguing style?
Usually if we get mad at each other I blow up and go off at a million miles an hour explaining in detail what a jerk he’s being and why. Then I back off and leave it be for a while. He gets angry back at me and me harping at him makes him angry so whatever it was that STARTED the fight isn’t really want we are fighting about anymore. So we both cool off for a bit.
Then I come back to it. In calm tones I explain why my feelings were hurt or why I was frustrated. I apologize for harping at him (but god why do I have to draw a picture?) but I ask him to try to completely understand, clearly where my anger came from. I make us literally walk through the details of what happened and why I (at least) reacted the way I did.
He has an issue saying “oh, I see, I’m sorry” but I can live with “oh now I see”.
Mostly we just move on though it’s only big or extra annoying stuff that gets us to the point were the stuff above happens. Even then, once we agree that we both may have been a bit quick to jump we make up and drop the argument like it never happened. “Do overs”
We don’t fight often or for long. I just can’t seem to justify it. My mind is constantly asking “Is it really worth it?” If it is then yah, we argue, if not then it’s “What do you want out of this?” and I so I negotiate without really saying I am.
Jim… please, as long as you treat him well, listen to him and respect him and his space/time, then he’s pretty much a happy guy.
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Then I come back to it. In calm tones I explain why my feelings were hurt or why I was frustrated. I apologize for harping at him (but god why do I have to draw a picture?) but I ask him to try to completely understand, clearly where my anger came from. I make us literally walk through the details of what happened and why I (at least) reacted the way I did.
He has an issue saying “oh, I see, I’m sorry” but I can live with “oh now I see”.
Mostly we just move on though it’s only big or extra annoying stuff that gets us to the point were the stuff above happens. Even then, once we agree that we both may have been a bit quick to jump we make up and drop the argument like it never happened. “Do overs”
We don’t fight often or for long. I just can’t seem to justify it. My mind is constantly asking “Is it really worth it?” If it is then yah, we argue, if not then it’s “What do you want out of this?” and I so I negotiate without really saying I am.
Jim… please, as long as you treat him well, listen to him and respect him and his space/time, then he’s pretty much a happy guy.
