What should I do about this new problem?

As many of you know my brother and sister are giving us our RD as a wedding gift. Scott and I were/are very appreciative of this gift.
Last night my SIL (brother's live in mother of his child, but they aren't really married) leaves me a message 'Michele, I invited Ryan's teacher to the RD as a thank you to her for babysitting Ryan the day of the wedding. I hope that is okay' My nephew is 4 years old and autistic so he cannot really spend the entire day at the wedding. His teacher is helping us by taking him home after the ceremony. Since all of my family is at the wedding we didn't have anyone who could watch him and he cannot just be left with a teenager down the block.
Well I flipped. I have not met this women in my entire life. I am sure she is very nice and I appreciate her helping us out but this is my RD. IMO if they want to thank her they should buy her a gift or take her out themselves, not piggy back on my RD. And how much fun is a RD full of strangers for this women anyway.
So I didn't call my SIL back because I was totally annoyed. Of course she calls me and says, 'Is that okay' I said, 'Not really. I would have preferred that you did not invite a stranger to my RD. It is for BP and family. But whats done is done and I don't have much of a choice now' Then she tries to explain how helpful it will be to have her there with the baby etc...etc... Okay, 1) my nephew cannot sit in Chucky Cheese for more than 20 minutes what makes them think he can go to the RD for a few hours and 2) the teacher is not WORKING, she is supposed to be getting a thank you dinner.
I know there is nothing I can do since my SIL already invited this women but how do I take the knot out of my back over this. I am totally POd. I mean, just because my brother is paying doesn't mean they can invite people, stranger no less.

Re: What should I do about this new problem?

Did this women already say yes? If I were this women, I wouldnt go to someone elses rehersal dinner that i didn't know.

Re: What should I do about this new problem?

I am so sorry! I can really understand your frustration. You are right the RD is for the bridal party and family - not the place for a compelte stanger.

You were right to be honest with your SIL about your feelings, but now you have to let it go (I know easier said then done!). But there is not much you can do about it now - except stress yourself out!

Good luck!

Re: What should I do about this new problem?

I'm with Kimmie, I'm surprised she did not decline the invitation. You are right to be upset. Your SIL should have found a different/better way to thank her son's teacher for what she is doing the day of the wedding. Sorry you are in this situation - I hope it works out OK!

Re: What should I do about this new problem?

Michele, I can understand why you are upset. I would be too but since they already invited this woman, its too late to say anything. They are paying for the RD. They should have checked with you first because it is your RD. This lady is going to feel awkward because she doesn't know everyone. You probably won't even notice she's there. Try not to let it get to you. You're almost there. 2 1/2 weeks.

Re: What should I do about this new problem?

The teacher was coming to the Church to show Ryan how to leave with her after he walks down the aisle. Since he is autistic we need to show him and repeat a lot. I think this teacher is wonderful to help us and she deserves a very nice gift (money too) from my brother and SIL. I just don't think attending my RD is appriorpriate.

Re: What should I do about this new problem?

I think your SIL meant well. They should have asked you first. Try not to let this aggravate you. I know its easier said than done. I don't blame you for being ticked off but your SIL already stuck her foot in her mouth and invited the lady. You probably won't even notice she's there.

Re: What should I do about this new problem?

I agree with everyone else - it's kind of a strange way to say 'Thank you'. I'm wondering if the teacher realizes this is her thank-you (is this the only thank-you she's getting???), or if she just thinks it's a working dinner and she's there to watch your nephew. I would not want to be at someone else's RD as a Thank-you.

Re: What should I do about this new problem?

No they are paying her for the wedding day. I know my SIL was just trying to be nice but I wish she should think first once in a while.

Re: What should I do about this new problem?

I agree that your SIL shouldn't have asked her to the RD without asking you first since you don't know her. Your SIL probably just saw it that since she's kind of part of the wedding by having to practice with your nephew and she will be at the wedding helping him leave, she probably thought it was a nice gesture to ask her to the RD. At least you said something to her and she knows now not to go and invite strangers even though they're paying.

Re: What should I do about this new problem?

I don't think she meant to disrupt you RD, but if the woman was going to the actual rehearsal to 'rehearse ' with your nephew, what were they supposed to say, okay you can leave now, while everyone esle goes to dinner. I think she was just being polite

Re: What should I do about this new problem?

Oh Michele! You poor thing! Try not to let this get to you. I agree with the other ladies - I am sure your SIL didn't mean any harm, and since the teacher is coming to the church to rehearse w/Ryan, than I don't think it's 'strange' for your SIL to have extended the invitation to her, but she probably should have cleared it with you first.


I know the last few weeks are so stressful b/c you want every last detail to be just perfect. But, take a deep breath and try to relax. Everything is going to be beautiful - you've worked so hard the past year and now is the time to ENJOY it. It can be difficult to do, since planning the wedding makes any bride feel like the executive director of a very elaborate performance. But, you have to rely on your friends and family to play their parts the way they want to...(in other words, let go)...and it will be magical - I promise!

Hang in there, sweetie! Not much longer now, and you will be a Mrs!!!!

Re: What should I do about this new problem?

Hi. I am actually a Special Ed teacher and I work with autistic children in thier homes, so i can understand having the teacher go to the rehersal to assist your nephew. If I were in this teacher's position I wouldn't think of it as a thank you dinner, I would think I was invited to help take care of the child. Although I am very close with alot of the families I work with I probably would have declined the invitation.

I wouldn't let it bother you though, I'm sure you won't even notice that she is even there.

Re: What should I do about this new problem?

As hard as it is, try not to let it get to you. I agree with what Lulu said regarding the teacher's invite perhaps to be a reason to take care of your nephew. Maybe your brother and SIL just wanted to have a great time at your RD without too many worries or concerns, and also wanted to do something as a nice gesture for the teacher, so figured they could kill two birds with one stone? I know you're POed, but unfortunately, as you said, what's done is done. You hopefully won't even notice she's there, because you'll be too 'high' floating on Cloud 9!!!

Re: What should I do about this new problem?

I second everything Marnles just said. Even though she should have asked you first, NO DOUBT ABOUT IT, what's done is done, and you never know, it just may work out for the best.
Try to think of it as a nanny. . . .
Enjoy your RD, it will be all about you. You won't even notice her

Re: What should I do about this new problem?

they should have asked you first however whats done is done.
try not to let it stress you, your wedding is soooo close and just smile & enjoy it all.
better said than done, but i am sure you SIL meant no harm.

Re: What should I do about this new problem?

you are right and i am afraid to say that theres not much you can do about it unless you ask your SIL to tell the teacher that this is a very intimate affair only for BP and family, and in effect to to un-invite her....

Re: What should I do about this new problem?

Well, I would just let things be. If she comes, fine. I wouldn't stress over it. I think your brother and SIL were just trying to be nice.