What to do about SIL?

sareejoh Posted: Sep 08, 2008 11:11 AM

What to do about SIL?

Sorry this is going to be long, but maybe easier to answer with the full story...My SIL is turning 21 the day before my wedding (Sat). She lives in another state, but my brother (her husband) needs to be here for the rehearsal since he is a groomsman. We offered to have the two of them and her best friend stay in our apartment Fri so they could go out at 12 am when she turns 21 (we are staying in a hotel). We have a morning rehearsal Sat, so she would miss that to sleep, but then we are having a BBQ Sat night before the wedding and we were planning on having a bday cake for her and singing for her. Then Sun is the wedding.

Up until a week ago she was telling us she's not sure if she is going to do this or not. Then she finally rsvped for the wedding for 3. We said it is very expensive per person at the wedding and we're not able to have her friend there. Now they are telling us unless her friend can come to the wedding my SIL won't come to the wedding either because she wants to be with her friend. I understand how she feels in a way, but I still don't want to have to spend that much on her friend coming to our wedding. Should we just let it go and not have her there either?

DeeluvsVinny Posted: Sep 08, 2008 11:14 AM

Re: What to do about SIL?

Umm, I think it's rude of her to assume she can bring a friend to your wedding..was this ever discussed? Does your brother understand your reasoning or is he siding with her?

I've been to plenty of wedding where it was someone's birthday (including my own) and we've just always celebrated another day! She seems immature.

PegaLega Posted: Sep 08, 2008 11:27 AM

Re: What to do about SIL?

I would tell her you are sorry but you cant have her friend there!~period!

Why wouldnt she want to come and be with her HUSBAND??? Yea no I wouldnt bend for her friend to come...especially if she was already told you couldnt do it and now she is giving you ultimatums~I wouldnt allow her to come.

08JulyBride Posted: Sep 08, 2008 11:38 AM

Re: What to do about SIL?

Posted by sareejoh

We offered to have the two of them and her best friend stay in our apartment Fri so they could go out at 12 am when she turns 21

So you had already told your SIL she could bring her friend? If yes, you can't really take it back now that she RSVP'd as 3 - with her husband and friend...

gsw23db Posted: Sep 08, 2008 11:40 AM

Re: What to do about SIL?

what does your brother think about all this???Sounds like she is being completely immature! However, you want your brother to be happy and enjoy your wedding too, so maybe enlist him in convincing her how inappropriate and immature she is being. If she doesnt budge, I would not let her friend come, even if it means that she wont be there either!!!

jtgarsik Posted: Sep 08, 2008 11:42 AM

Re: What to do about SIL?

Posted by PegaLega

I would tell her you are sorry but you cant have her friend there!~period!

Why wouldnt she want to come and be with her HUSBAND??? Yea no I wouldnt bend for her friend to come...especially if she was already told you couldnt do it and now she is giving you ultimatums~I wouldnt allow her to come.

couldn't have said it better myself. it's your WEDDING..she's being rude & immature. It's no place for her friend to be..she belongs with her husband at his sisters wedding.period.

pa56 Posted: Sep 08, 2008 11:43 AM

Re: What to do about SIL?

Get your brother's opinion and have him talk to her. She sounds immature.

ShannonSoon Posted: Sep 08, 2008 12:20 PM

Re: What to do about SIL?

I think it is incredibly rude for her to even suggest not coming to your wedding. Family comes first no matter what birthday you are celebrating. I would def try talking to your brother. I hope he undertands you're feelings. Good luck!

Autumnbride03 Posted: Sep 08, 2008 02:05 PM

Re: What to do about SIL?

wow, how incredibly childish. She belongs with her HUSBAND at his sister's wedding! If she says she won't come without her friend, that is her and your brother's issue, not yours!

What does you brother think about this?

Unless, did you tell her at one point her friend could come to the wedding? Or did you make it clear that she could just stay with you to go out for her birthday? In that case, you can't really go back on what you said now....

Opera_Ghost Posted: Sep 08, 2008 02:43 PM

Re: What to do about SIL?

She won't come unless she brings a friend? Is that a joke?

I think that's very rude on her part to assume she can do something like that. I understand it's her birthday and all that weekend but it doesn't mean her friend HAS to be there. It's her brother's wedding and if she really wants to celebrate with that friend she should do so after the wedding. Maybe she doesn't understand that weddings are expensive... some people don't realize how much they cost until they plan one.

dazey Posted: Sep 08, 2008 02:47 PM

Re: What to do about SIL?

i agree with everyone that it is rude of her to assume she can bring her friend.. but if it was me i would probably accommodate her since it is her birthday and it was known that her friend was flying in with her to celebrate. maybe your brother can put some money towards her plate.

sareejoh Posted: Sep 08, 2008 02:54 PM

Re: What to do about SIL?

Thanks everyone. We never said her friend could come to the wedding so we're not going back on anything we ever said. We said the friend could stay with them at our place Fri night to celebrate her bday. The wedding invitation was sent to my brother and his wife only. I really have no idea how he feels about it. We briefly talked a while ago but at the time she didn't know what she was doing...

KimiDanny1010 Posted: Sep 09, 2008 02:13 AM

Re: What to do about SIL?

I would tell her that if she wants to bring her friend then she has to pay for the friends seat at the wedding !!!...i'm sure she won't be bringing any friends around after you say that !!!

TheLadyJ Posted: Sep 09, 2008 09:28 AM

Re: What to do about SIL?

i think this is something FH needs to talk with her about.

However, I think it is incredibly nice of you to offer to let them stay with you 2 nights before your wedding. In addition, you already planned to celebrate her B-day at your rehearsal dinner.

Tell her you simply cannot afford the added expense of another person, and it will mess up your seating chart. Tell her that her friend is more than welcome to come for the weekend, but will have to find something else to do for the 5 hours you are getting married.

If she says she is not coming, then tell her you are sorry and will miss her.

RockysGirl Posted: Sep 09, 2008 09:48 AM

Re: What to do about SIL?

I've already said no to some of my family members wanting to invite their friends. I just can't afford to have extra people there who aren't even an important part of me & FH's life.

I don't even care that it's your SIL's birthday. She can celebrate it another day! Mine falls on Thanksgiving a lot, but i don't announce that we better have cake and gifts after the huge thanksgiving dinner! I just celebrate a few days before or after. Whatever.

MY wedding day is actually the birthday of my Pastor (who will be marrying us). lol. I didn't hear HIM complain and threaten to not show if I don't invite all his friends. hehe.

dante31300 Posted: Sep 09, 2008 10:07 AM

Re: What to do about SIL?

Wow I can't believe she expects you to rearrange your wedding list b/c it's her birthday. I understand that 21 is something but she has all weekend to celebrate. That is awful I would definitely tell FH to talk with her she does sound very immature.