What to do about the 'Parent Dances' as my dad is deceased? (Long - but need advice)
jennyg
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What to do about the 'Parent Dances' as my dad is deceased? (Long - but need advice)
Please help girls...my dad passed away 4 years ago and although I am really looking forward to my wedding next week, I already feel sad that he will not be there. Well, my fi and I had decided we wouldn't do any 'parent' dances as I really think it will me make very uncomortable and sad and I don't want people staring at me on the dancefloor with my brothers feeling bad for me. The way I look at it, I want an upbeat party for the reception and I think focusing on a dance where my dad can't be there will be too much for me.
So, my fi talks this over with his mom last week and explains that it would me make uncomfortable but want to make sure its okay with her. She says 'its your wedding, you should do whatever makes you comfortable, blah, blah blah'. I was so releived that she was so understanding and I didn't give it another thought - until last night. My FMIL calls fi and says she has to let him know she's thought about it and she's upset she won't be able to 'share that moment' with him. And wants to know if we can come to some sort of 'compromise.'
I have been crying about this since last night. I don't know what to do...I really really don't want to be upset at my reception but I also don't want to take something away from my FMIL that she thinks is that important. We are not doing the announcement of the BP, boquet toss, garter or anything else like that - I just really don't want to have to sit through a parent dance and feel sad at my own wedding (that we are paying for ourselves, by the way).
WHAT SHOULD I DO????
Chloegirl
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Re: What to do about the 'Parent Dances' as my dad is deceased? (Long - but need advice)
I am in the same situation. I know my FI and his mom would like a special dance at the wedding but my dad passed away 3 years ago and it would be too hard for me. FI totally understands but we have yet to tell FMIL.
One idea may be to dedicate a special song to them during the reception for which they can dance to but everyone doesnt have to clear the dance floor and make a big deal about it. You can either talk to guests or dance with your brother or something.
Good luck...let me know what happens for I will be in a similar boat next year.
bridget&jimmy
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Re: What to do about the 'Parent Dances' as my dad is deceased? (Long - but need advice)
Why dont you dance with your Mom that can be just as special as the dance you would have had with your Dad. Fiance lost his father and is dancing with his mother to the new song by Luther Vandrose. Dance with my father again. Then right after the dance have alot of upbeat music and maybee do it before the cake and then cut the cake right after so people will forget about the sadness.
Bridget
flyin'bride
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Re: What to do about the 'Parent Dances' as my dad is deceased? (Long - but need advice)
First big to you.
Second, I think your FMIL should respect your wishes. Obviously you FH is fine without doing the parent dances and he is marrying YOU, not his mother that day. I'm sure your FH will dance with his mother that day, there's no need to make it a 'spotlight' dance, especially since it doesn't seem like you're 'spotlighting' anything else. Maybe FH can just tell her that he is definately going to dance with her, but it is yours and FH's wish not to do any spotlight dances. The only tears you should be shedding on your wedding day are tears of JOY!!!
Good luck and keep us posted!
bridget&jimmy
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Re: What to do about the 'Parent Dances' as my dad is deceased? (Long - but need advice)
I really think that other idea is really good. Meaning dont do a spot light dance.
Bridget
Xelindrya
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Re: What to do about the 'Parent Dances' as my dad is deceased? (Long - but need advice)
Maybe dance with a brother or uncle??
I only have one brother.. he would be my choice if my father weren't there. If neither were there, I'd go with that 'dedication' idea.
franksbride
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Re: What to do about the 'Parent Dances' as my dad is deceased? (Long - but need advice)
I'm not sure what your situation is because you haven't mentioned her...but what about your Mom?
That's what I'm doing...although my father is not deceased, he hasn't been around in over 15 years...I'm dancing to I Hope You Dance with my mother...there probably won't be a dry eye in the house!!!
Good Luck with your decision...maybe there's an uncle or someone you can dance with. People won't look at you and feel bad, they'll think it's wonderful!!!
Olgaki
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Re: What to do about the 'Parent Dances' as my dad is deceased? (Long - but need advice)
I like the idea of dedicating a song to her but not having the dance floor empty but this way she gets a special dance with her son and you can dance it with whomever you like or use that time to say a silent prayer or dance with your brothers or anything tha tmakes you feel comfortable!
Scoop
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Re: What to do about the 'Parent Dances' as my dad is deceased? (Long - but need advice)
although I am not in your position and cannot even begin to understand what you do and will feel, I believe if it were me...I would want my husband to dance with his mom. This will be such a special moment for them and I would not want to take anything away from that.
I recently went to a wedding where the bride's dad had passed away too and she danced with her uncle in memory of her father. It was an upbeat song and I thought it was a nice gesture. My cousin is getting married soon too and she will dance with her mom. I'm not sure if this is an option for you.
Of course it is ultimately your decision but again if it were me...I would let your mil have her dance with her son.
Best of luck to you!
CatchI22
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Re: What to do about the 'Parent Dances' as my dad is deceased? (Long - but need advice)
My dad passed away 3 years before my wedding, and this stressed me out too. We opted to hell with all the staged dances. IMHO I just think they are a bit much for my DH and I bc we don't like a lot of attention and there already was so much on us, being it was our wedding and all. (we also opted not to do the bo-k toss, garter, etc.). I think your FMIL is beign selfish in insiting she has her dance. Especially seeing that is it YOUR day and not hers, and since you guys are paying for it. I would have FH talk to his mother and explain how horrible it would make you feel. Can't he just have a dance with her and not have a big deal made out of it? like a unannounced thing?
jennyg
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Re: What to do about the 'Parent Dances' as my dad is deceased? (Long - but need advice)
Thanks girls - my mom is amazing but she doesn't want to be in the spotlight and I don't really like the idea of dancing with her b/c i will be bawling my eyes out and thats not what I want to do. Both of my uncles are deceased and I have two brothers who are walking me down the aisle. But I don't think its necessary to have a 'spotlight' dance with them.
The idea of dedicating the song is a good one - maybe we can dedicate to both the moms and have everyone join in the dance. That might work.
Otherwise, I am really leaning towards the idea of 'he's not marrying his mother and she should respect our wishes' It just ****s b/c I am really upset over having to deal with this and I am nine days away. I swear I was stress-free up till now. Oh well. Thanks for all your advice.
michele31
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Re: What to do about the 'Parent Dances' as my dad is deceased? (Long - but need advice)
I can understand how everyone feels in this situation. I would let your MIL know that she can dance with her son, but you would rather it not be a huge announced dance. You can ask the band to play a special song for them, but not single them out. That is very fair. You can also dance with a close male relative if you want to or even your FFIL. But you should not put yourself in a position to be sooo sad during your reception. I made sure that certain songs were NOT played because they reminded me of my grandmothers. If they had been played I would have been a total mess. You need to do what is best for you and FI.
Donna
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Re: What to do about the 'Parent Dances' as my dad is deceased? (Long - but need advice)
what if you both start off dancing with your moms then ask others to join on the dance floor? This way it's not such a spotlight moment.
SomedayBride
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Re: What to do about the 'Parent Dances' as my dad is deceased? (Long - but need advice)
My dad passed away two years ago, and I will be thinking him every moment of my wedding day. I figure I'm going to be upset about my dad not being there anyway, no need to upset FMIL by not giving her her dance with her son. I don't know, I just figure so many things are going to be about me from now until the wedding, I should at least give them that. That's just me though, i totally understand where you're coming from not wanting to have a mother son dance.
radiostar
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Re: What to do about the 'Parent Dances' as my dad is deceased? (Long - but need advice)
Why don't you simply play the song DANCE WITH MY FATHER in his honor? Here are the lyrics:
Back when I was a child, before life removed all the innocence My father would lift me high and dance with my mother and me and then Spin me around 'til I fell asleep Then up the stairs he would carry me And I knew for sure I was loved If I could get another chance, another walk, another dance with him I'd play a song that would never, ever end How I'd love, love, love To dance with my father again When I and my mother would disagree To get my way, I would run from her to him He'd make me laugh just to comfort me Then finally make me do just what my mama said Later that night when I was asleep He left a dollar under my sheet Never dreamed that he would be gone from me If I could steal one final glance, one final step, one final dance with him I'd play a song that would never, ever end 'Cause I'd love, love, love To dance with my father again Sometimes I'd listen outside her door And I'd hear how my mother cried for him I pray for her even more than me I pray for her even more than me I know I'm praying for much too much But could you send back the only man she loved I know you don't do it usually But dear Lord she's dying To dance with my father again Every night I fall asleep and this is all I ever dream
Nora101004
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Re: What to do about the 'Parent Dances' as my dad is deceased? (Long - but need advice)
If you are comfy with it- have your FH and FMIl dance to a song but don't make a big deal about it- don't annonce it- or go with her original advice- its your day, do what you want.
radiostar
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Re: What to do about the 'Parent Dances' as my dad is deceased? (Long - but need advice)
By the way.....the song itself isn't really slow and draggy....which in my opinion would make playing the song sad. It's smooth and slightly uptempo. Have the MC make a announcement and play the song. Hope this helps.
2bewedin04
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Re: What to do about the 'Parent Dances' as my dad is deceased? (Long - but need advice)
I think the bride's wishes should be respected on this very sensitive issue. FMIL can dance with her son to a song they choose, but it need not be announced. The photographer can take a picture of it etc. But, I think it would be really tough to have to watch parent dances at your own wedding if you don't feel comfortable participating. Good luck with what you decide to do.
Teri
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Re: What to do about the 'Parent Dances' as my dad is deceased? (Long - but need advice)
I had the same situation - my dad passed 7 yrs ago and I didn't want to do any parent dances.
My MIL wanted to dance with her son and I didn't want to take that away, just because I was uncomfortable with it (we paid for it ourselves too) so when they danced, I want out for a smoke on the deck and hung out with my friends
fallinlove04
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Re: What to do about the 'Parent Dances' as my dad is deceased? (Long - but need advice)
two of my neighbors got married without their father, he had passed away. i believe that the both of them danced with their mother. my mom also lost her dad before she was married, and danced with her brother, but her brother is 11 years older. good luck with everything, it will all work out.
