Long story short, she was in the bridal party and I nixed her. Basically, we don't get along. She's a susie homemaker who sews clothing and very different from my more modern approach to life.
We have very different personalities. Just how we are.
So, about a month or so ago, I asked her not to be in my bridal party. I couldn't take it any longer and wanted someone else.
Now, she wants to be a part of the ceremony somehow. We are Jewish, so there are no real readings. She will have a 14 month old daughter too. So I was thinking that maybe she could escort/help her daughter be a flower girl.
At one point she gave an ultimatum/threat to us that if we didn't put her back as a bridesmaid, then she would ash her husband to pull out as the best man in the wedding. Which, is just wrong. She has no control over our wedding.
Anyone have ideas on how to incorporate her somehow to a piece of the wedding? Short of making her an usherette, IDK what to do with her. I am happier with her out of my bridal party and don't want to even consider putting her back in.
HELP WITH IDEAS!
angelicd77
Posted:
Member since
What to do with FH Sister-in-law? DRAMA! - Long Island Weddings
I agree and disagree with alot of this. OP you need to do what makes you happy. I did alot of things with my wedding 'to make others happy' and now I wish I could go back and tell them all to go scratch. Right down to my BIL and SIL's GF and BF who HAD to be there. Well PS now neither one of them are still in the picture and SIL's POS ex BF ruined my wedding video. At this point theres nothing I can do about it, but you can bet theyve heard my share of I TOLD YOU SO's. These people are all over my pictures and everything and I will never see them again and will forever be reminded how I was forced into having and paying for people that DH and I didnt want there to begin with.
tanyasari
Posted:
Member since
What to do with FH Sister-in-law? DRAMA! - Long Island Weddings
Yeah but now that she's out and been out since end of December, can I really just add her back in and have an uneven wedding party? That's so not balanced. And I'm not going to be close to this chick. I mean she basically feels like it's entitlement to be a part of the wedding. No document in this world dictates you must put the sister-in-law of your future husband in the bridal party. I had plenty of other friends who wanted to be a part of this and they are now. I just can't justify adding her back another time and going through the next 7 months dreading having her part of the party. She wouldn't even go to my bachelorette party without bringing her kid. Like, hello? It's 21 and up! Oy!
ASemderWedding
Posted:
Member since
What to do with FH Sister-in-law? DRAMA! - Long Island Weddings
I think the issue isn't with your problem with FSIL, I think it's how you're presenting it. I have to agree with a lot of ladies, that you are coming off as 'the mean girl'. However I don't believe that represents what's really going on.
If you don't get along with FSIL, then just leave it at that. Explaining how she's 'Susie homemaker' & you're 'modern', honestly has nothing to do with you and her not getting along. Everyone is different. Sometimes the differences bring people closer together, sometimes they drive people apart.
I think you need to put a side your feelings towards FSIL and have a serious talk with FH. Is he really close with FSIL? Are there any siblings of his, or is she it? Personally, I think weddings aren't just about the bride or the groom...but about families coming together - which would include FSIL.
Either way it's not easy, but sometimes ya just gotta suck it up. Either way good luck!
Vilardi82
Posted:
Member since
Re: What to do with FH Sister-in-law? DRAMA!
Posted by ASemderWedding
I think the issue isn't with your problem with FSIL, I think it's how you're presenting it. I have to agree with a lot of ladies, that you are coming off as 'the mean girl'. However I don't believe that represents what's really going on.
If you don't get along with FSIL, then just leave it at that. Explaining how she's 'Susie homemaker' & you're 'modern', honestly has nothing to do with you and her not getting along. Everyone is different. Sometimes the differences bring people closer together, sometimes they drive people apart.
I think you need to put a side your feelings towards FSIL and have a serious talk with FH. Is he really close with FSIL? Are there any siblings of his, or is she it? Personally, I think weddings aren't just about the bride or the groom...but about families coming together - which would include FSIL.
Either way it's not easy, but sometimes ya just gotta suck it up. Either way good luck!
We'll said
larlynn
Posted:
Member since
What to do with FH Sister-in-law? DRAMA! - Long Island Weddings
Since you came here for opinions, I say just leave her out. It sounds like you already soured the relationship and I get the keen impression that you're not terribly sensitive to her feelings (you know, since you and your friends ostracize her clothes and stuff). I don't think putting her back in is really going to fix anything so you can have her be a BM and make everyone miserable or keep her out and have everyone BUT you miserable. I'm going to guess here that your main concern is you....
I say take the 'kid' out too. They really do peep sometimes.
coffeeisgreen
Posted:
Member since
Re: What to do with FH Sister-in-law? DRAMA!
Posted by larlynn
Since you came here for opinions, I say just leave her out. It sounds like you already soured the relationship and I get the keen impression that you're not terribly sensitive to her feelings (you know, since you and your friends ostracize her clothes and stuff). I don't think putting her back in is really going to fix anything so you can have her be a BM and make everyone miserable or keep her out and have everyone BUT you miserable. I'm going to guess here that your main concern is you....
I say take the 'kid' out too. They really do peep sometimes.
Haha love this especially about the kid peeping...
Alimm729
Posted:
Member since
Re: What to do with FH Sister-in-law? DRAMA!
Posted by larlynn
Since you came here for opinions, I say just leave her out. It sounds like you already soured the relationship and I get the keen impression that you're not terribly sensitive to her feelings (you know, since you and your friends ostracize her clothes and stuff). I don't think putting her back in is really going to fix anything so you can have her be a BM and make everyone miserable or keep her out and have everyone BUT you miserable. I'm going to guess here that your main concern is you....
I say take the 'kid' out too. They really do peep sometimes.
What to do with FH Sister-in-law? DRAMA! | Page 2 - Long Island Weddings
Okay. I have issues with FH's brother and the brother's fiance. Like. BIG issues. Not at all wedding related just the general way they think they're allowed to speak to humans in general
Like you and your FSIL... we have different lifestyles. She's name brands and a 5carat diamond ring and I'm clearance rack at target and an antique estate ring. She's 'i need a brand new construction for a house in Nassau' and I'm 'lets move out of NY or buy a fixer-upper'.
Girls are different. I don't mesh with her type of girl. its been established. It was established when we first met. I don't know how to interact with that type of girl.
Now. FH and I were the first of his siblings to get engaged. I only asked HIS sister to be in the wedding. He asked HIS brother. No in laws or anything were asked.
Bottom line: you should NOT have asked her to be in your bridal party whether you like her or not. By the time my FH's brother and his fiance get married... I will be married. I do not expect (nor do I WANT) an invite to be one of her BMs because it is established that we cannot stand each other.
You shouldn't have asked her in the first place, regardless of what FMIL said. Like you said.. its your wedding and no one else should have a say in it.
I don't think asking her to be in your bridal party is gonna make anything or anyone happy in the situation because its all fake.
being fake will get you no where. I recently learned that with my own situation. I bent over backwards trying to get the girl to like me and be friendly with me and it. is. not. worth. it. I most recently decided to keep it civil however not involve her in my life at all. I will see her at family gatherings when they decide to actually show up... and that is all.
As for 'the kid'. She's your niece. In regards to kids being at the wedding... I agree with you. I'm not having kids at my wedding. AT ALL. NO flower girls. NO ring bearers. Nothing. I just don't think kids belong out on a saturday night with adults drinking excessively. Also. my friends who are parents deserve a night out with their spouses and no kids. Plus i didn't want to pay 50 bucks for chicken nuggets to not be eaten.
Its unrealistic to expect to hand the kid off to someone without her making a scene. She's going to want to be close to her parents. She's going to want to BE in the WEDDING.
It sounds like you're a little too consumed with how its going to 'look'.
Your FSIL also probably feels uncomfortable now because you and your friends essentially pointed and laughed. If I were her I wouldn't want to be in your wedding at this point because of your bridal party alone. No one wants to be uncomfortable in a wedding party when they're wearing an uncomfortable dress.
You remind me of my FH's brother's fiance.
Good luck in marrying into the family if you don't learn how to keep it civil.
edited for spelling.
mattandjess2013
Posted:
Member since
Re: What to do with FH Sister-in-law? DRAMA!
Posted by katielynn
Okay. I have issues with FH's brother and the brother's fiance. Like. BIG issues. Not at all wedding related just the general way they think they're allowed to speak to humans in general
Like you and your FSIL... we have different lifestyles. She's name brands and a 5carat diamond ring and I'm clearance rack at target and an antique estate ring. She's 'i need a brand new construction for a house in Nassau' and I'm 'lets move out of NY or buy a fixer-upper'.
Girls are different. I don't mesh with her type of girl. its been established. It was established when we first met. I don't know how to interact with that type of girl.
Now. FH and I were the first of his siblings to get engaged. I only asked HIS sister to be in the wedding. He asked HIS brother. No in laws or anything were asked.
Bottom line: you should NOT have asked her to be in your bridal party whether you like her or not. By the time my FH's brother and his fiance get married... I will be married. I do not expect (nor do I WANT) an invite to be one of her BMs because it is established that we cannot stand each other.
You shouldn't have asked her in the first place, regardless of what FMIL said. Like you said.. its your wedding and no one else should have a say in it.
I don't think asking her to be in your bridal party is gonna make anything or anyone happy in the situation because its all fake.
being fake will get you no where. I recently learned that with my own situation. I bent over backwards trying to get the girl to like me and be friendly with me and it. is. not. worth. it. I most recently decided to keep it civil however not involve her in my life at all. I will see her at family gatherings when they decide to actually show up... and that is all.
As for 'the kid'. She's your niece. In regards to kids being at the wedding... I agree with you. I'm not having kids at my wedding. AT ALL. NO flower girls. NO ring bearers. Nothing. I just don't think kids belong out on a saturday night with adults drinking excessively. Also. my friends who are parents deserve a night out with their spouses and no kids. Plus i didn't want to pay 50 bucks for chicken nuggets to not be eaten.
Its unrealistic to expect to hand the kid off to someone without her making a scene. She's going to want to be close to her parents. She's going to want to BE in the WEDDING.
It sounds like you're a little too consumed with how its going to 'look'.
Your FSIL also probably feels uncomfortable now because you and your friends essentially pointed and laughed. If I were her I wouldn't want to be in your wedding at this point because of your bridal party alone. No one wants to be uncomfortable in a wedding party when they're wearing an uncomfortable dress.
You remind me of my FH's brother's fiance.
Good luck in marrying into the family if you don't learn how to keep it civil.
edited for spelling.
luckyerialc
Posted:
Member since
Re: What to do with FH Sister-in-law? DRAMA!
Posted by katielynn
Okay. I have issues with FH's brother and the brother's fiance. Like. BIG issues. Not at all wedding related just the general way they think they're allowed to speak to humans in general
Like you and your FSIL... we have different lifestyles. She's name brands and a 5carat diamond ring and I'm clearance rack at target and an antique estate ring. She's 'i need a brand new construction for a house in Nassau' and I'm 'lets move out of NY or buy a fixer-upper'.
Girls are different. I don't mesh with her type of girl. its been established. It was established when we first met. I don't know how to interact with that type of girl.
Now. FH and I were the first of his siblings to get engaged. I only asked HIS sister to be in the wedding. He asked HIS brother. No in laws or anything were asked.
Bottom line: you should NOT have asked her to be in your bridal party whether you like her or not. By the time my FH's brother and his fiance get married... I will be married. I do not expect (nor do I WANT) an invite to be one of her BMs because it is established that we cannot stand each other.
You shouldn't have asked her in the first place, regardless of what FMIL said. Like you said.. its your wedding and no one else should have a say in it.
I don't think asking her to be in your bridal party is gonna make anything or anyone happy in the situation because its all fake.
being fake will get you no where. I recently learned that with my own situation. I bent over backwards trying to get the girl to like me and be friendly with me and it. is. not. worth. it. I most recently decided to keep it civil however not involve her in my life at all. I will see her at family gatherings when they decide to actually show up... and that is all.
As for 'the kid'. She's your niece. In regards to kids being at the wedding... I agree with you. I'm not having kids at my wedding. AT ALL. NO flower girls. NO ring bearers. Nothing. I just don't think kids belong out on a saturday night with adults drinking excessively. Also. my friends who are parents deserve a night out with their spouses and no kids. Plus i didn't want to pay 50 bucks for chicken nuggets to not be eaten.
Its unrealistic to expect to hand the kid off to someone without her making a scene. She's going to want to be close to her parents. She's going to want to BE in the WEDDING.
It sounds like you're a little too consumed with how its going to 'look'.
Your FSIL also probably feels uncomfortable now because you and your friends essentially pointed and laughed. If I were her I wouldn't want to be in your wedding at this point because of your bridal party alone. No one wants to be uncomfortable in a wedding party when they're wearing an uncomfortable dress.
You remind me of my FH's brother's fiance.
Good luck in marrying into the family if you don't learn how to keep it civil.
edited for spelling.
ASemderWedding
Posted:
Member since
Re: What to do with FH Sister-in-law? DRAMA!
Posted by katielynn
Okay. I have issues with FH's brother and the brother's fiance. Like. BIG issues. Not at all wedding related just the general way they think they're allowed to speak to humans in general
Like you and your FSIL... we have different lifestyles. She's name brands and a 5carat diamond ring and I'm clearance rack at target and an antique estate ring. She's 'i need a brand new construction for a house in Nassau' and I'm 'lets move out of NY or buy a fixer-upper'.
Girls are different. I don't mesh with her type of girl. its been established. It was established when we first met. I don't know how to interact with that type of girl.
Now. FH and I were the first of his siblings to get engaged. I only asked HIS sister to be in the wedding. He asked HIS brother. No in laws or anything were asked.
Bottom line: you should NOT have asked her to be in your bridal party whether you like her or not. By the time my FH's brother and his fiance get married... I will be married. I do not expect (nor do I WANT) an invite to be one of her BMs because it is established that we cannot stand each other.
You shouldn't have asked her in the first place, regardless of what FMIL said. Like you said.. its your wedding and no one else should have a say in it.
I don't think asking her to be in your bridal party is gonna make anything or anyone happy in the situation because its all fake.
being fake will get you no where. I recently learned that with my own situation. I bent over backwards trying to get the girl to like me and be friendly with me and it. is. not. worth. it. I most recently decided to keep it civil however not involve her in my life at all. I will see her at family gatherings when they decide to actually show up... and that is all.
As for 'the kid'. She's your niece. In regards to kids being at the wedding... I agree with you. I'm not having kids at my wedding. AT ALL. NO flower girls. NO ring bearers. Nothing. I just don't think kids belong out on a saturday night with adults drinking excessively. Also. my friends who are parents deserve a night out with their spouses and no kids. Plus i didn't want to pay 50 bucks for chicken nuggets to not be eaten.
Its unrealistic to expect to hand the kid off to someone without her making a scene. She's going to want to be close to her parents. She's going to want to BE in the WEDDING.
It sounds like you're a little too consumed with how its going to 'look'.
Your FSIL also probably feels uncomfortable now because you and your friends essentially pointed and laughed. If I were her I wouldn't want to be in your wedding at this point because of your bridal party alone. No one wants to be uncomfortable in a wedding party when they're wearing an uncomfortable dress.
You remind me of my FH's brother's fiance.
Good luck in marrying into the family if you don't learn how to keep it civil.
