The question is if we should still have an Eparty? FH and I both feel torn bc of his parents....
I will make this story as short as possible....
We wanted a small bbq Eparty. Had a lot of bath and forth about where to have it. Decided on his mothers house after much drama.
We decided just close friends and family no friends of our family. I told my family about this and they were ok with it...even told a friend who asked about it that they wouldn't be invited. FH's parents freaked out about this and threw a fit until we said they could come. (FH's family is not giving $ and my family is)
Order invitations, planed everything, not happy about the number of people but we move on.
Then FMIL made us sit down and have a meeting last Friday (for three hours.) She showed up 20 mins late, had a list (like a paper she handed over) of things she expected from us (included thing like greet guests, redic list) and told us she refuses to help with anything since she was not throwing the party. She talked down to me the whole time and so did FFIL. They even told us that the wedding and Eparty are not about FH and me! This causes a lot of bickering and didn't end with a conclusion. I was nice to FILs the whole time.
FH and me talk about everything decided if his parents want to throw the party that is fine we wont have to do anything and it will make FMIL happy. We apologize to them for the misunderstanding and see if throwing the party would make them happy. Waite two days for a responce and....
They now refuse to throw the party but said they would help. They insist that there friends come and that this is not about FH or me. They have also made it very clear that they do not care about me or my family in this whole thing. So I am torn about if we should have this party I do not know if I can trust them to stay out of it (since its our money) and I am so angry that my family's friends wont be there but there's will.
We already have the invites so if we change the place we have to get new ones and start planning all over bc this party is supposed to be at the end of June so the invites really should have been mailed out already. And they have FMILs address on them.
ugh I am so upset and fed up I do not know what to do. I am hoping u girls may have some words of wisdom.
On one hand I want an Eparty but I wanted a small and fun one and this is neither. Everyone other then FILs will think the party is about FH and I and it could end up being fun but idk if it will be worth the headach FILs will cause.
SORRY SO LONG!!!! THANK YOU FOR READING!!!
Christine N Ralph
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Re: What would you do? HELP PLEASE! (l o n g)
Maybe I am not reading this right...but did your FIL's say that your engagement party is NOT about you and fh???
If so I would tell them to take a hike and have it at a place where you can do what you want...and invite who you want.
This should be a time of happiness- that you and fh share...I wouldnt compromise what I wanted to make somone else happy.
LadyC23
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Re: What would you do? HELP PLEASE! (l o n g)
Let me begin by saying that I am sorry you are going through this. I would be so upset and irritated that your FIL's are being childish about this whole situation. I though the E-party was for the 'couple who is engaged'. Did this change? If they want to throw a party and invite whomever they want, let them throw a party for themselves. I say do what YOU and your Fh want. You can not please everyone and at the end of the day, it is your engagement party. I hope everything works out.
Im just curious how your FH feels about this?
SummerBride10
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Re: What would you do? HELP PLEASE! (l o n g)
Have a party and dont invite them lol
Seriously they are being beyond immature and have twisted thinking going on. The eparty is about the couple OBVS.
Tell them how it is. They dont need to help, you dont need their money. Do it your way.
TheFutureMrsPM
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Re: What would you do? HELP PLEASE! (l o n g)
First off all THANK YOU girls so much for reading all of that I really really appreciate it!!!
TheFutureMrsPM
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Re: What would you do? HELP PLEASE! (l o n g)
Posted by Christine N Ralph
Maybe I am not reading this right...but did your FIL's say that your engagement party is NOT about you and fh???
If so I would tell them to take a hike and have it at a place where you can do what you want...and invite who you want.
This should be a time of happiness- that you and fh share...I wouldnt compromise what I wanted to make somone else happy.
YES FILS said it was NOT about us!
TheFutureMrsPM
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Re: What would you do? HELP PLEASE! (l o n g)
The problem is that the invitations are printed and they have FMILs address on them.
Its too much to deal with having it at her house though right?
If we do not have it there we will have to start planning again and change the date which seems like a lot of work since we havent even booked the RH lol Maybe for now the best thing to do would be say no Eparty and then in a month or so if we feel like we have everything in order we can do it at a place?
TheFutureMrsPM
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Re: What would you do? HELP PLEASE! (l o n g)
Posted by LadyC23
Let me begin by saying that I am sorry you are going through this. I would be so upset and irritated that your FIL's are being childish about this whole situation. I though the E-party was for the 'couple who is engaged'. Did this change? If they want to throw a party and invite whomever they want, let them throw a party for themselves. I say do what YOU and your Fh want. You can not please everyone and at the end of the day, it is your engagement party. I hope everything works out.
Im just curious how your FH feels about this?
FH is really upset and angry. All of this also makes me not want his parents involved AT ALL in planning the wedding but, ofcourse I want my family involved and me yelling that at him doesnt help but i just am so upset and angry.
TheFutureMrsPM
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Re: What would you do? HELP PLEASE! (l o n g)
Posted by SummerBride10
Have a party and dont invite them lol
Seriously they are being beyond immature and have twisted thinking going on. The eparty is about the couple OBVS.
Tell them how it is. They dont need to help, you dont need their money. Do it your way.
FH actually said we could do a party with out his family I just feel that is so unfair to him bc I know he wants his family there. Personally if I never see his parent or hear from them again I would be very happy
Seriously they are being beyond immature and have twisted thinking going on. The eparty is about the couple OBVS.
Tell them how it is. They dont need to help, you dont need their money. Do it your way.
I agree with this completely. I wouldn't even invite them. I have no problem disowning people like that...
JAAMS
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Re: What would you do? HELP PLEASE! (l o n g)
This is messed up what they are doing. I think you should change the location of the party and not invite them! Tell them it's not about THEM.
Is the address of your FILs on the bottom of the invite? If so, get someone with a steady hand, and cut off the bottom of the invites so that it is a straight, clean finish.
Then include the new location information on a 'direction card' esque paper.
lori7570
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Re: What would you do? HELP PLEASE! (l o n g)
Umm...***...the e-party is not about you?!?!
I would order new invites and just suck up the extra cost...Def do not have it at her house
mrsdraskin2009
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Re: What would you do? HELP PLEASE! (l o n g)
Awww he ll nooo!!!!
That would NOT fly with me. I'd have some very choice words for them. In the end, I'd probably have a party for my friends and family and tell them to sukk it.
I'm sorry they're being so cu nty.
soontobemrsag
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Re: What would you do? HELP PLEASE! (l o n g)
Ok im sorry in advance to be harsh BUT.... you can get pretty labels and put them over the old place with the new engagament party place on the invits. There would be NO WAY IN HELL i would have my eparty at their house now. This is ALL about you and no one else except FH - this should be stress FREE not stress FULL!! Hope i helped!
deanna225
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Re: What would you do? HELP PLEASE! (l o n g)
i would have to agree with the other girls. first sorry u r going through this. second i would have the party somewhere else and not tell them. for them to say the party is not about u two is wrong. if its not about u then who is it about. u r in a tough place but if fh has said have a party without them then i will so do it. good luck.
jcreilly
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Re: What would you do? HELP PLEASE! (l o n g)
Im so sorry but if i where you i would not throw it there anymore. Its all about you and FH but it seems like they want it to be about them, i would try and find anotehr place to hold it and not invite there friends just family and if they want there friends there tell them you are paying for it and to up root everthing redo the invitions they should pay for there friendsi know its hard because you want to keep the peace and will be stuck with them What does your FH think ? if you want a e-party dont let them stop you.
AdriandSteve
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Re: What would you do? HELP PLEASE! (l o n g)
If it's not about you who the hell is it about????
IMO, i'd take the list... do what you think is reasonable and then 'forget' about the rest of it. I'm sorry though that it's turning into a bigger ordeal then you wished. If they are willing to help out then i'd invite SOME of the people that they want just to save a battle.
BUT if they try to say that it's not about you and ur FH then i'd say, 'FH and I are very excited for OUR eparty. I'm sorry that you feel it's not about us but i 100% disagree.' and leave it at that. If they want to comment let them and just walk away (if possible).
Dean Bean
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Re: What would you do? HELP PLEASE! (l o n g)
Wow, that whole ordeal is such insanity! So this is all b/c they want their friends there? I say eff it and just have a large list. It's not worth it, you have to deal with these crazy ppl for the rest of your life. Are their friends invited to your wedding?? B/c if they're not, then that's problem number 1. I say if they are invited, just have them. I would then add your parent's friends as well so it's fair. I know you're stuck on a number, but if they're willing to have it at their house, then maybe you should just let them invite those ppl. I know you would be giving in, and after the way they treated you I completely understand why you wouldn't want to, but be the better person and don't fight with them. JMO!!!!!!!!! If this is what you decide to do, have them definitely fork over some extra dough for more food. Nuff said!
KRISTIND
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Re: What would you do? HELP PLEASE! (l o n g)
have it some where else get cheap invite from vista print
T E R I
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Re: What would you do? HELP PLEASE! (l o n g)
I'm sorry that you have to deal with this. I agree with everyone else, I would not have it at their house. The eparty and the wedding is ALL about you and your FH, if it wasn't then you would not be having it. There is no reason for your FMIL to be acting like that, the party is not about her it is about YOU
