The question is if we should still have an Eparty? FH and I both feel torn bc of his parents....
I will make this story as short as possible....
We wanted a small bbq Eparty. Had a lot of bath and forth about where to have it. Decided on his mothers house after much drama.
We decided just close friends and family no friends of our family. I told my family about this and they were ok with it...even told a friend who asked about it that they wouldn't be invited. FH's parents freaked out about this and threw a fit until we said they could come. (FH's family is not giving $ and my family is)
Order invitations, planed everything, not happy about the number of people but we move on.
Then FMIL made us sit down and have a meeting last Friday (for three hours.) She showed up 20 mins late, had a list (like a paper she handed over) of things she expected from us (included thing like greet guests, redic list) and told us she refuses to help with anything since she was not throwing the party. She talked down to me the whole time and so did FFIL. They even told us that the wedding and Eparty are not about FH and me! This causes a lot of bickering and didn't end with a conclusion. I was nice to FILs the whole time.
FH and me talk about everything decided if his parents want to throw the party that is fine we wont have to do anything and it will make FMIL happy. We apologize to them for the misunderstanding and see if throwing the party would make them happy. Waite two days for a responce and....
They now refuse to throw the party but said they would help. They insist that there friends come and that this is not about FH or me. They have also made it very clear that they do not care about me or my family in this whole thing. So I am torn about if we should have this party I do not know if I can trust them to stay out of it (since its our money) and I am so angry that my family's friends wont be there but there's will.
We already have the invites so if we change the place we have to get new ones and start planning all over bc this party is supposed to be at the end of June so the invites really should have been mailed out already. And they have FMILs address on them.
ugh I am so upset and fed up I do not know what to do. I am hoping u girls may have some words of wisdom.
On one hand I want an Eparty but I wanted a small and fun one and this is neither. Everyone other then FILs will think the party is about FH and I and it could end up being fun but idk if it will be worth the headach FILs will cause.
SORRY SO LONG!!!! THANK YOU FOR READING!!!
Dean Bean
Posted:
Member since
Re: What would you do? HELP PLEASE! (l o n g)
Also, I think if you have it somewhere else and don't invite them, you're causing way more problems then need be. I think the point they are trying to make with the 'it's not all about you' (and I'm just trying to see the big picture here) is that they have friends that they probably have over to their house, or get together with often, and have been in their lives for decades, and they want them to share in the moment too. These friends probably watched your FH grow up, and since it is at their house, these friends might get upset that they're not invited, and most likely they won't forget it. This is the hard part about two families joining together, it's hard to compromise. Don't start a battle over this, the party will be very nice either way. They are probably so adamant about it b/c friends stop talking to friends over these type of things. Believe me, when it's your turn with your kids you might take a step back and say whoa, now I see where they were coming from. So just try to take a step back right now. I don't think they're trying to be hurtful towards you, I just really think they're afraid of offending their friends, so they're putting their foot down, and won't budge. Take a deep breathe. This is supposed to be a happy time. Just make sure they give you the money for the extra food.
NYYankeeGirl72
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Member since
Re: What would you do? HELP PLEASE! (l o n g)
Posted by lori7570
Umm...***...the e-party is not about you?!?!
I would order new invites and just suck up the extra cost...Def do not have it at her house
ITA with Lori...
Get new invites, have a small party and you know what don't even tell them you are having one. Tell you FIL's that you are not having the e-party after all. Just have a BBQ with your family members and then indirectly incorporate it to be the e-party. You will be able to have the party you wanted with the people you wanted. If your FIL's ask about that party just tell them that your family is just having a regular BBQ, no e-party.
I mean you said your FIL's don't want to know about your family, so there should be no way of them knowing that the party is going on.
Its2Snappy
Posted:
Member since
Re: What would you do? HELP PLEASE! (l o n g)
Posted by soontobemrsag
Ok im sorry in advance to be harsh BUT.... you can get pretty labels and put them over the old place with the new engagament party place on the invits. There would be NO WAY IN HELL i would have my eparty at their house now. This is ALL about you and no one else except FH - this should be stress FREE not stress FULL!! Hope i helped!
I 100% agree!
TheFutureMrsPM
Posted:
Member since
Re: What would you do? HELP PLEASE! (l o n g)
Thank you everyone for you oppinions, I feel so much better know i am not a total nut for being angry and upset. I think for right now we are going to cancle having the Eparty and get things in order for the RH and some other vendors. If after that is done we feel like we can have an Eparty that is fun and about us not at FMILS then we will.
I am sad about cancling this Eparty but I can not justify spending so much money of mine, FHs and my families on something that is not making me happy. If FILS change there mind and want to take care of everything then I will show up.
TheFutureMrsPM
Posted:
Member since
Re: What would you do? HELP PLEASE! (l o n g)
Posted by Dean Bean
Also, I think if you have it somewhere else and don't invite them, you're causing way more problems then need be. I think the point they are trying to make with the 'it's not all about you' (and I'm just trying to see the big picture here) is that they have friends that they probably have over to their house, or get together with often, and have been in their lives for decades, and they want them to share in the moment too. These friends probably watched your FH grow up, and since it is at their house, these friends might get upset that they're not invited, and most likely they won't forget it. This is the hard part about two families joining together, it's hard to compromise. Don't start a battle over this, the party will be very nice either way. They are probably so adamant about it b/c friends stop talking to friends over these type of things. Believe me, when it's your turn with your kids you might take a step back and say whoa, now I see where they were coming from. So just try to take a step back right now. I don't think they're trying to be hurtful towards you, I just really think they're afraid of offending their friends, so they're putting their foot down, and won't budge. Take a deep breathe. This is supposed to be a happy time. Just make sure they give you the money for the extra food.
ITA. I do not want you to think I am a beast and that I did not consider there feelings. When we sat down to make the guest list for the wedding and the Eparty we said they could invite who ever they want to the wedding if they can cover the lost bc we can not (and im not going to have my family give money towards the wedding and eparty and them give none and invite people). They said ok about not inviting people to the eparty then come back and throw a fit. Crying, yelling etc, like what you think when you think of someone who is 5 until FH gives in. If he doesnt give in FMIL just keeps it going for days.
If they didn't have the money that would be one thing but that is not the case. When we explained that we'd have to then pay for both families friends and that was something we couldn't do they told us that there friends were different.
A side from money they told us that they would not help at all (like doing anything) which is making it so hard to want to do the right thing.
I wold never have a party w.o. FILS though bc I would not want to upset FH. He said we could do a party with just my family but I do not feel right about it.
