First, the etiquette for a wedding gift is that it is NOT mandatory (unlike a shower gift which is mandatory). This nonsense about attendees having one year to give a gift is total BS. If they attend and have an intention to give a gift they bring it to the event. If a person attends a wedding they deserve a thank-you for being present to share in your day and your happiness.
I had 6 people (or couples) not give so much as a card. One said they left it at home. Since the wedding we've seen that couple 3 times, still nothing. He was in the wedding party.
Two other members of the wedding party didn't give gifts/cards either. One of those brought an uninvited guest, and DH paid for his tux, the other said she would fill up something on my registry and to just let her know after we got back from our HM what I wanted completed.
Of the other guests that didn't so much as bring a card, one couple was family, and this is apparantly not the first time they have shown up at a family event without so much as a bottle of wine (for holiday dinner). That particular couple will get a thank-you from me that says: 'thank you for sharing our day' with nothing more written.
The other two, well, one I have no clue about, and the other said something to someone else in attendance about getting a registry gift.
With the exception of the one couple that is family, that has now made a habit out of showing up to family functions without a gift, I will send a very nice thank-you note for their attendance.
NovemberBride06
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Re: What would you do?? Need advice...
I totally understand where you are coming from. I had 2 bridesmaids not even give us a card. And they both were not very good BMs during the whole process. Didn't participate in the shower or the bachelorette party. It's very disappointing when you feel like they don't care enough to pick up a card to say Congratulations. I understand that they spent a lot of money to be in the wedding and I appreciate that. But the time to pick out a card would have been nice. One BM even borrowed $60 from me on the wedding day!
I've given it some thought and plan on sending them a thank you for coming and celebrating with us. But they are both unmarried and when their time comes, I will NOT feel obligated to give them a gift. I am not angry with them. Just disappointed.
portjeffbride
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Re: What would you do?? Need advice...
this is a hard one.... The little voice in the back of my head would likely remind me that the card could have gotten lost in the shuffle of the big day..... But, if you are absolutely certain he didn't give you a card, I would just not send a thank you...
I don't agree that a person with financial hardship is off the hook.... they dont need to give a gift, but NO CARD????
chapel06
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Re: What would you do?? Need advice...
There we're several stiifers at our wedding, some in the BP and some not. I dont plan on sending them a thank you card, mostly because I didnt want the added expense of having to order more thank you cards and after this wedding I am just as hard up money wise as any guest could be. At the wedding I thanked everyone for coming, so I dont think I have to do that again with a thank you card. IMO thank you cards for for gifts and cards, because you werent able to thank someone at the wedding for these.
rojerono
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Re: What would you do?? Need advice...
I tend to be a bit passive aggressive. I would probably call them and just talk about gifts... like 'Oh my god... you wouldn't BELIEVE how much Aunt X gave us! But Bob... he didn't even bother with a card. Isn't that the RUDEST?'
And when you send the TY, write something like 'thank you for your VERY generous gift!'
jgl
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Re: What would you do?? Need advice...
If they were in your BP.. did they pay for the dresses themselves? If they did, I wouldnt expect a gift. ALso, I wouldn't expect a card from them either, they were involved in the wedding process, and had their own things to worry about that day. They congratulated you by being in your wedding.
Snowflake08
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Re: What would you do?? Need advice...
Posted by jgl
If they were in your BP.. did they pay for the dresses themselves? If they did, I wouldnt expect a gift. ALso, I wouldn't expect a card from them either, they were involved in the wedding process, and had their own things to worry about that day. They congratulated you by being in your wedding.
EXACTLY
I was in my friend's BP last November. I made her centerpieces (even paid for some of the materials), printed her envelopes, paid for my dress, shoes, hair, makeup, shower at my apartment, spent a lot of $$ at her bachelorette party and Many, Many hours of assisting with everything else. I went with her for her gown at least 5 times and believe me, I was happy to do it - but I also felt obligated to give a gift and I dont think I should have to JMO
SoontobeMrsH
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Re: What would you do?? Need advice...
I would be the bigger person and send them a thank you for being a part of our special day & I would think twice about inviting them to another funcion
curiousgeorge
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Re: What would you do?? Need advice...
Maybe this is a little much?? But why dont you maybe just bring it up to them, ask them. Can you say something like...' I dont want to upset you, but I am asking because maybe you forgot or misplaced it, but I didnt get a card from you on my wedding day.' I would just ask. Personally I dont see much harm it could do and maybe they have a half way decent excuse ( like they forgot all about it). But I just cant believe that someone would show up with out even a card.
akaMrsT
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Re: What would you do?? Need advice...
We sent a thank you card to everyone that attended whether or not they gave a gift. We got a few checks from guests after the thank you cards went out.
Months later we attended the wedding of an out of town guest who showed up at our wedding with a date (RSVP said 1). Together they gave us one empty card. We went OOT to that wedding and gave him and his new wife a card and a check. Not as much as we would normally give but we agreed in advance that we would not stiff them. It's just not something we could do after being invited to attend a wedding and definitely not if we were in the bridal party. We would feel obligated to at least give a card.
bluesashbride
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Re: What would you do?? Need advice...
If they came to my wedding I thanked them.
sunflower13
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Re: What would you do?? Need advice...
Well, according to proper wedding etiquette, they get a year to give a gift. So really, why are we being so harsh? Most girls on LIW don't even pick out a thank you card for months, why then should we demand that our guests be more punctual than us? Where on our invitations does it say 'only come if you bring cash and/or large gift'? This will turn into a fiasco if we all keep commenting.
The bottom line is this, if you don't get a gift or card from a guest, you should at least thank them for coming. They might get the hint...and they might realize you didn't get the check [and suddenly realize it wasn't cashed]...and hey, they can get lost between the car, card box and your home. We had it happen. Every possible scenario is bound to happen to most brides. We had some not give gifts or cards, some got lost at the hall, in the car, left at home...some simply waited to buy a registry gift until after the honeymoon so they would be sure of where to send it....
Agreed...I wouldn't want to jump the gun and ruin a relationship with someone over money. They came to the wedding to share your day, I am sure they danced and wished you well and added to the day. You don't always know what is going on in someones life. JMHO I would be the bigger person and send a card stating thanks for sharing in our day and for others who gave a gift, thanks for your generous gift etc.
DanNette
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Re: What would you do?? Need advice...
i heard that there was some kind of rule where you have up to a year to send a wedding gift...maybe they'll send it? When it arrives you can send a thank you!
We had a family member stiff my brother. my mom called to let them know their card was 'lost' so they could stop payment on the check. The family member explained that she had paid with cash. No sign of the gift ever arriving, same thing happened to my cousin a year later, same family member!!!!! UGH! Me and Fh don't want to invite her, but she's family!!!!!!!!
TurboGirl
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Re: What would you do?? Need advice...
I had the same situation. My dad & stepmom didn't give me anything as well as 2 of my sisters. My dad didn't even pay for everything he was supposed to which was the church and photographer. That came out to $3,000 and he only gave me $1,100. I was very upset with my sisters too and they were in my wedding. To be honest I am not sure what to do yet. I might just give them a pic that would come in the card. The only thing they helped with was my bridal shower. Neither of them came to my bachlorette party and complained the whole day at the wedding.
Kara and Todd
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Re: What would you do?? Need advice...
Posted by lacey&mark
i had 2 people IN my wedding party not give a card. but they were there for me throughout the planning, the bacherlorette party, shower, RD, etc. i am surprised i didn't get a card from them bc they usually give me cards with lots of nice and funny stuff about our memories together. but i didn't get one for the wedding. although i found this odd, i of course still sent them each a thank you for being there for me through the planning, and for being a big part of my special day! i sent all non card givers/and the very few people that didnt give gifts (maybe 5 people in all) thank you cards, bc i didnt have my wedding to get gifts. i had my loved ones there to share in our happiness on the biggest day of our life, and for that i thanked everone! i would send a card anyway and thank them for sharing in your special day.
Very well said - couldn't agree more.
Snowflake08
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Re: What would you do?? Need advice...
Posted by Kara and Todd
Posted by lacey&mark
i had 2 people IN my wedding party not give a card. but they were there for me throughout the planning, the bacherlorette party, shower, RD, etc. i am surprised i didn't get a card from them bc they usually give me cards with lots of nice and funny stuff about our memories together. but i didn't get one for the wedding. although i found this odd, i of course still sent them each a thank you for being there for me through the planning, and for being a big part of my special day! i sent all non card givers/and the very few people that didnt give gifts (maybe 5 people in all) thank you cards, bc i didnt have my wedding to get gifts. i had my loved ones there to share in our happiness on the biggest day of our life, and for that i thanked everone! i would send a card anyway and thank them for sharing in your special day.
ditto
Very well said - couldn't agree more.
LaurenluvsTJ
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Re: What would you do?? Need advice...
I was in your situation. We sent thank you cards to everyone. I know its disappointing, but those people who did not give us a card or a gift had such a great time at the wedding, it was so wonderful to have them there, just to see them smiling and dancing and celebrating with us.
