I am having a lot of trouble with one of my bridesmaids. She is my godmothers granddaughter and 7 years younger then me, but have been close for her whole life and we have always consisted each other cousins. So when it was time to ask girls to be in my wedding party, there was no doubt that I wanted her to be there. Fast forward to a year and a half later… not once has she asked me if I needed any help, asked me how my wedding planning is going, or even to see my ring. I could of let all those things slide if it wasn’t for this… I started tell all 7 of my bms tin the beginning of February that they had until march 1st to get there dresses, and I know how busy everyone was so they can go on their own time. 6 of them got back to me and told me when they could go right away, but not from my “cousin” another week goes by nothing from her.. I called.. she said she could go on a Monday.. I said great I can go with you.. see ended up standing me up.. I blow it off.. but from then on out I call her text her and email her and I get nothing…. Not I am starting to get upset, I should not have to track her down to get her dress.. I feel like she should want to do this and be excited about it. Another week goes by and nothing.. at this point my sister (MOH) calls her to see if maybe if she can get though to her and if it is a money thing maybe she could help her out.. she never called back my sister.. so I decide to call her one last time and left kinda a mean message. To my surprise she calls me back and acted like nothing was wrong.. I explained to her that I was so upset at her and if she didn’t get her dress within the next couple of days then she could not be in my wedding party.. she proceeds to yell at me…( are you kidding me) I went to call my sister and mother to tell them what happened and it turns out that she beat me to it and decide to lie to my mother and tell her that I was mean to her and I was yelling at her… umm soo not true… My mom trying to be the peacemaker that she is offered to go with her on Sunday.. she agreed and then stood my mom up, claimed she was sooo busy.. with school and a part time job and she plays softball (she is 20)… umm hi we are all busy I have a full time teacher job.. go to school full time for my master I have a part time job teaching swimming lessons and oh yea I am planning a wedding..… at this point it in the end of February.. and I have had enough.. just as I was about to kick her little a@! out of the party… she books the bachelorette party.. are you kidding me.. you can party but you can get your dress…she ended up going that Tuesday to get the dress.. ok fine.. you think she called me to tell me.. nope the salon did.. Brings us to today…she texts me to ask how everything is going.. I gave she a one word answer and she was like is that how it is going to be… I wrote that I was still really upset and it is going to take sometime. Then she went up to tell me that she doesn’t know why I am so upset and to just get over it.. At this point I don’t know what to do... I am getting married in 5 and a half months and I don’t trust her to be there for anything and truthfully to me it doesn’t even feel like she wants to be in my wedding party…
What do you guys think??? And what would you do if you were me??
CrazyLady
Posted:
Member since
Re: What would you do??--- really long sorry
I hate to say this ... but she is obviously not motivated. This is causing you stress, which if you are anything like me you already have PLENTY of.
Maybe she is jealous? Maybe she is lazy ... at this point it is too late to figure out. Call her, text her, email her saying that this is supposed to be fun and is cousing stress on your relationship .. say you want her to goto and be part of the wedding ... but being a bridesmaid is not an option now. Ask he rto do a reading or something.
I am not saying to be mean to her, just reason with her ....
I wish you the best of luck .... this situation *****!
pa56
Posted:
Member since
Re: What would you do??--- really long sorry
It seems to be just an immature age thing. She has no sense of urgency because the younger generation of kids (in my opinion) is just like that... they do things on their time without consideration for others.
She's probably thinking that 5.5 months is enough time to get a dress and alterations, but even if it is - you are the bride and she should follow your wishes, otherwise not have accepted your bridesmaid invitation.
Is she a mature person in general, or do you think this behaviour is just an age thing?
NicoleandAlex
Posted:
Member since
Re: What would you do??--- really long sorry
Posted by pa56
It seems to be just an immature age thing. She has no sense of urgency because the younger generation of kids (in my opinion) is just like that... they do things on their time without consideration for others.
She's probably thinking that 5.5 months is enough time to get a dress and alterations, but even if it is - you are the bride and she should follow your wishes, otherwise not have accepted your bridesmaid invitation.
Is she a mature person in general, or do you think this behaviour is just an age thing?
until now unfortunately i didnt think she was as immature as she truly is.... i guess i was thinking about how i was when i was 20/21 helping my sister though every step of the way… I guess she is not that type of person.. and it ***** that I found out this way
i did tell her that i ask her to be in my wedding party not focused her.. and if she didnt have time or did not want to do it.. she could of said no
i have had a pretty stress free wedding planning.. and it is sad that this is the only thing that has stressed me out..
ballnchain1010
Posted:
Member since
Re: What would you do??--- really long sorry
better then my 21 yr old cousin........after not hearing from her for about 3-4 months (my dad also became very ill with stage 4 cancer, never heard from her then either), I get a strange email that she 'doesn't care about me or my dumb wedding' and a few other cruel remarks about me, my mother and sister. I hadnt done or said anything to her, so I was a bit taken aback.
I was upset for a day or so but then I realized I really don't care about anyone being there that acts like an @sshole. So my moh and I just decided to take her off all future emails.
NicoleandAlex
Posted:
Member since
Re: What would you do??--- really long sorry
Posted by ballnchain1010
better then my 21 yr old cousin........after not hearing from her for about 3-4 months (my dad also became very ill with stage 4 cancer, never heard from her then either), I get a strange email that she 'doesn't care about me or my dumb wedding' and a few other cruel remarks about me, my mother and sister. I hadnt done or said anything to her, so I was a bit taken aback.
I was upset for a day or so but then I realized I really don't care about anyone being there that acts like an @sshole. So my moh and I just decided to take her off all future emails.
wow i am so sorry that you have to go though that.. what is it with these 20/21 year olds now- a-days?
is she still in your wedding party?
soontobemrsag
Posted:
Member since
Re: What would you do??--- really long sorry
HI sorry for your experience. But i would definately tell her that being a bridesmaid is not an option at this point (i think someone else said that and i agree) that was rude to stand both you & your MOTHER up - no that would have been the last straw for me. You do not want stress all the way up to your wedding from a place that is supposed to bring you peace. That JMO!
ballnchain1010
Posted:
Member since
Re: What would you do??--- really long sorry
no way! we took her off emails...but also it was before my girls went for gowns, so it made it a little easier to 'erase' her. But she literally cursed me off for no reason in an email after not hearing from her for a long time.
If your cousin hasn't said anything rude, and went for her gown, I would just drop it. She is young and probably in her first wedding party. She will realize what a little witch she was when she gets married one day, and then you can smile because you acted more mature and let it slide.
skinny237
Posted:
Member since
Re: What would you do??--- really long sorry
It really sounds like she's acting like a 20-year old. They have no conception of time or the importance of a wedding----bc it's not something that they're used to or have any reason to be thinking about.
It's probably not that she doesn't care---she probably does in her own 20 year old way, which is why she booked the bachelorette party.
Try not to stress. Everything will work out.
ballnchain1010
Posted:
Member since
Re: What would you do??--- really long sorry
Posted by soontobemrsag i would definately tell her that being a bridesmaid is not an option at this point (i think someone else said that and i agree) that was rude to stand both you & your MOTHER up
It definately was rude, bu she did end up going for the gown. I think if you cancel the gown & have to have them refund her or if she loses money your relationship will never be repaired...Next time you talk to her I would just tell her you were upset she didnt show & it really hurt you because you were looking fwd to spending time with her one on one, then drop it.
NicoleandAlex
Posted:
Member since
Re: What would you do??--- really long sorry
i hope everything does work out... my sister and my mom say just let it go and just dont count of her for anything...
i guess that is what i will have to do.. what choice to i have.. i am nervous that if i kick her out that is may cause a rif in the family and i dont want that...
oh well
thanks ladies.. you guys really helped!
ballnchain1010
Posted:
Member since
Re: What would you do??--- really long sorry
Posted by NicoleandAlex my sister and my mom say just let it go and just dont count of her for anything...
i guess that is what i will have to do.. what choice to i have.. i am nervous that if i kick her out that is may cause a rif in the family and i dont want that...
QUOTE]
You will be fine be the bigger person and let it go. With or without her, you are going to have a beautiful day. Leave it up to her to decide how important it is to her to be included. After your wedding is over, you can hold your head high and know you didn't act like a child by kicking her out.
MrsBtobe2009
Posted:
Member since
Re: What would you do??--- really long sorry
Posted by NicoleandAlex
I am having a lot of trouble with one of my bridesmaids. She is my godmothers granddaughter and 7 years younger then me, but have been close for her whole life and we have always consisted each other cousins. So when it was time to ask girls to be in my wedding party, there was no doubt that I wanted her to be there. Fast forward to a year and a half later… not once has she asked me if I needed any help, asked me how my wedding planning is going, or even to see my ring. I could of let all those things slide if it wasn’t for this… I started tell all 7 of my bms tin the beginning of February that they had until march 1st to get there dresses, and I know how busy everyone was so they can go on their own time. 6 of them got back to me and told me when they could go right away, but not from my “cousin” another week goes by nothing from her.. I called.. she said she could go on a Monday.. I said great I can go with you.. see ended up standing me up.. I blow it off.. but from then on out I call her text her and email her and I get nothing…. Not I am starting to get upset, I should not have to track her down to get her dress.. I feel like she should want to do this and be excited about it. Another week goes by and nothing.. at this point my sister (MOH) calls her to see if maybe if she can get though to her and if it is a money thing maybe she could help her out.. she never called back my sister.. so I decide to call her one last time and left kinda a mean message. To my surprise she calls me back and acted like nothing was wrong.. I explained to her that I was so upset at her and if she didn’t get her dress within the next couple of days then she could not be in my wedding party.. she proceeds to yell at me…( are you kidding me) I went to call my sister and mother to tell them what happened and it turns out that she beat me to it and decide to lie to my mother and tell her that I was mean to her and I was yelling at her… umm soo not true… My mom trying to be the peacemaker that she is offered to go with her on Sunday.. she agreed and then stood my mom up, claimed she was sooo busy.. with school and a part time job and she plays softball (she is 20)… umm hi we are all busy I have a full time teacher job.. go to school full time for my master I have a part time job teaching swimming lessons and oh yea I am planning a wedding..… at this point it in the end of February.. and I have had enough.. just as I was about to kick her little a@! out of the party… she books the bachelorette party.. are you kidding me.. you can party but you can get your dress…she ended up going that Tuesday to get the dress.. ok fine.. you think she called me to tell me.. nope the salon did.. Brings us to today…she texts me to ask how everything is going.. I gave she a one word answer and she was like is that how it is going to be… I wrote that I was still really upset and it is going to take sometime. Then she went up to tell me that she doesn’t know why I am so upset and to just get over it.. At this point I don’t know what to do... I am getting married in 5 and a half months and I don’t trust her to be there for anything and truthfully to me it doesn’t even feel like she wants to be in my wedding party…
What do you guys think??? And what would you do if you were me??
I have a BM like this and she is 30. My dresses have been in since dec and she STILL has yet to pick it up yet. She has more excuses than anyone I have ever met, and I am tired of it too. I know exactly how you feel. I would say since you have 6 BM that obviously want to be there, then get rid of her. JMO
