What would you do? (sorry it's long)

PastBride2007 Posted: Aug 24, 2008 02:43 PM

What would you do? (sorry it's long)

(Sorry it is so long!)

I am a poster on here... but using a fake name. The person I am hurt by has an account on here.

A good friend of mine that was in my wedding asked me to be in her wedding. From the time I said yes to now, things have changed for me, personally and financially. I had to step down as a bridesmaid b/c I did not have the money necessary to contribute to her shower, bachelorette party and a few other things. I was under the assumption that her mother was taking care of her shower. Little did I know, her mother was only planning it and expecting the bridesmaids to pay for everything! And her mom told us that she does not want to contribute.

My friend is very upset with me backing out and not understanding of my situation at all. She went back to saying she had to shell out money for my wedding and I should do the same.

I know when her shower was supposed to be because before I backed out her mom told me when it was. I was waiting to get an invitation in the mail. It never came!!! I looked at her registry things are coming off like crazy! This means that I am not invited!! I am deeply hurt, and I cannot even say anything to my friend because i don't want her know about her upcoming shower. (she was mad at me for mentioning her shower when I backed out b/c she didn't know she was having one) She was registered so she knew it was coming.

Now my question is, should I even go to her wedding? I feel like she doesnt even want me to be a part of her day..... I am just so hurt, what would you do???

~Hurt bride

Dani777 Posted: Aug 24, 2008 02:53 PM

Re: What would you do? (sorry it's long)

I am so sorry that you are going through this. If this girl was a true friend she would totally understand that things change... especially finacially. Did you try to talk to her about this whole situation? Tell her that you would love to be able to conftribute more but you cannot afford it by the time needed by. Inform her of how hurt you are then take it from there. Since she has nothing to do with planning the shower, you really shouldn't be mad at her for not getting an invite to the shower. I would maybe even try to talk to her Mom. It could have gotten lost in the mail too. Honestly, I think talking solves out a TON of issues. Talk to both of them... see what they have to say. If they say that you weren't invited ... then No, I woudnt' go to her wedding. Are you still a BM at least..??

dazey Posted: Aug 24, 2008 02:54 PM

Re: What would you do? (sorry it's long)

I would send her an email so you can say what you want to say without interruption. it ***** but you have to just be completely honest and say look, i want to be a part of your wedding but i simply cannot afford to contribute to all these responsibilities as a bridesmaid. it's nothing personal or anything to do with our relationship, i just don't have the money. if she's your true friend she should understand. whether you just attend the wedding or remain a bridesmaid is up to her. just tell her you will help out with anything she needs help doing, but can't pay for anything. you want to be at her wedding and it has nothing to do with the things she did for you.. if you can't afford it there's nothing you can do. she can't blame you for that.

Summertimegal424 Posted: Aug 24, 2008 03:08 PM

Re: What would you do? (sorry it's long)

wow that stinks..did u get an invitation to the wedding? maybe you should contact another bridesmaid to see what's going on, so you dont ruin the brides surprize?

FutureMrs.M Posted: Aug 24, 2008 05:47 PM

Re: What would you do? (sorry it's long)

i had a similar problem and you need to contact her and see what is going on a true friend would understand your situation and should want you there because of your relationship and not the money she is expecting from you that is not right. I have told one of my friends that her envolvment and presence at my wedding is gift enough. try to be nonconfrentational (sp?) and just ask y u havent heard from her and go from there. GOOD LUCK!!!

FutureMrsCarrieri Posted: Aug 24, 2008 05:58 PM

Re: What would you do? (sorry it's long)

If the guest list was given to the MOH before you dropped out and the bride is not planning her own shower, then your problem would be with her mother and/or the bridal party.

Maybethe bride expressed how upset and disappointed she is by the whole situation and they thought she might not want you there?

I'd wait to talk to her about it so you don't ruin her surprise

pa56 Posted: Aug 25, 2008 11:25 AM

Re: What would you do? (sorry it's long)

I can understand your friend's point of view since she shelled out money to be in your wedding and you are not reciprocating. However, if you can not afford it, you can not afford it. There's no way around it.

I would not ask your friend about the shower, but her MOH. If you are not invited, I would still send a shower gift. Just because she is bitter, doesn't mean you should be too.

Nurse12985 Posted: Aug 25, 2008 11:36 AM

Re: What would you do? (sorry it's long)

Im sorry. I have an argument with a close friend a month before her wedding and I did not attend her wedding in the end because I was so hurt by her. We are now good friends again and it's so uncomfortable to talk about her wedding because I wasn't there. I regret not going alot.
You AREN'T wrong here. When somebody gives money for your shower, batchlorette party etc. it is a gift and something they are doing out of there love and friendship for you. It is not because they are planning that you will give money for theirs when they finally get married. You need to call her up and explain that you are a newly wed yourself and things are tight etc. Try and repair things before her wedding and go to her wedding.