What's more important to you...a career or family?

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Posted by nov04LIbride
I couldn't live in Atlanta, personally. I had a conference there and I thought the city would be...like NYC I guess? SO SO DIFFERENT. Churches everywhere, up and down the city streets...Everything just took longer--eating out, the pace, etc. I'm definitely a Northeastern girl at heart, but I need a fast paced place. Visit, see if you like it and could imagine yourself there. I know it's growing, but having visited, I know it's not for me. But I do have friends there who work for CNN and love it.

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I hear you! It is different. I have visited many times and do find it frustrating to repeat myself s l o w l y but I also love the friendliness and the schools have amazing programs that NY just doesn't have yet (an anti-bully law, for example). So the problem for me is not so much the place, that I can live with. It's deciding what's important for ME...am I still allowed to be selfish? I feel that I should be able to because once I have kids I can't. And I want to be the best mother I could possibly be.
Am I making sense?

I don't know if I could choose one over the other. We are older, and because of that, we don't know what the future holds for us in the having children area. I also went through lots of years of school to change careers and just started working at the new one about 2 years ago. It would be hard for me to give that up when I am just starting again. Also, I am the one with the benefits, and they are excellent!

I think the suggestion of going for a visit (or a few...) is a good one. You could get a better idea of how much you would like the area. Also, if you are moving for family reasons, check out the schools. One of the reasons taxes are so high on LI is that we have good schools. Not all of the southern states have reputations for having great schools.

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Posted by SomethingBlu
It's opposite for us...I'm the bread winner (although DH is catching up, I have always made more). So I have to have the babies and find the high paying job...not easy!

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i would never be able to do it all, i know women who do, but they have a personality and temperament much different than mine

would hubby be willing to stay at home and watch the kids? would you make enough to afford hired help? things to consider...

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Posted by SomethingBlu

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Posted by nov04LIbride
Are you thinking about Michigan? That's so funny, I didn't know that when I posted about her.

She likes some aspects of it. It's more laid back, people care less about cars/money/clothes, but she really does miss New York. She said it's more rural, people love to hunt (most have guns, she says), there aren't as many cultural events, she misses the beach and her old friends...It's a much different lifestyle. She definitely wants to move to NY or CA soon.

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Sorry, I realize that it sounded like I was...no, it's GA. It's very laid back but it's the SOUTH!
The fact that she wants to move to NY or CA is what makes me nervous. I think I would too...although Atlanta is pretty urban I would live in the suburban area...all woods and houses and the school picks up the kids right in front of your house. The life is completely different.

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I live in the south and I am truly a long island girl. It definitely takes some getting used to but we love it now. I know my aunt lives in a suburb of Atlanta and it is much more 'country' then where I live in NC. FM me if you want more details of 'the dirty, dirty'

Sasha if you're hesitating about having kids RIGHT NOW then IMO you should wait. You are young also and you guys have plenty of time. I know your DH is in more of a rush but hes happy only if you're happy so you have to compromise. Thats like my DH, he wouldnt mind having 3 or 4 kids, and Im like NO WAY 2 is the max!! So he agreed!

Definitely go out to GA to see how you like it, find out the prices of houses, get a feel for the job market before you make any real decisions.

You seem like you wouldnt mind going since your family is there. For me I could never leave NY and neither could DH. No matter how ridiculous the cost of living here, espeically in Nassau, is-we just cant see ourselves doing it. But I know more and more young people are doing it especially those who have babysitting issues.

It also seems like jobs pay much less there--so even if homes are cheaper, it may be the same percent of your salary going to housing...

Love the responses - TY!

For those that suggested visiting...we have together and I have alone (many times). We're also going next month for a few days as well. So I agree, def good to go and see first hand. From our trips, we can see what needs adjusting (driving everywhere!) but can deal.

As for the schools, based on the research I did and the comparisons, the school system is great. High percentage of HS graduates, college graduates and a low student/teacher ratio. The per student ratio is also high as well. My nieces are in accelerated programs and are doing very well. There are a lot of extra curricular activities as well. So the school situation looks promising.

The problem is work...that's it really. Do I want to start over in a new career? D I want to do that in another state?

As for my hubby - yes, he would be willing to stay home with the kids. He's very progessive in his thinking. But thankfully my mom is there so he won't have to stop working. As of now, we both need to work in order to support ourselves.

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Posted by nov04LIbride

It also seems like jobs pay much less there--so even if homes are cheaper, it may be the same percent of your salary going to housing...

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Jobs pay the same or a little less. That's the hard thing!

This is my dilemma!
PRICE: $140,000

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Posted by Soon2BMrsA

Sasha if you're hesitating about having kids RIGHT NOW then IMO you should wait. You are young also and you guys have plenty of time. I know your DH is in more of a rush but hes happy only if you're happy so you have to compromise. Thats like my DH, he wouldnt mind having 3 or 4 kids, and Im like NO WAY 2 is the max!! So he agreed!

Definitely go out to GA to see how you like it, find out the prices of houses, get a feel for the job market before you make any real decisions.

You seem like you wouldnt mind going since your family is there. For me I could never leave NY and neither could DH. No matter how ridiculous the cost of living here, espeically in Nassau, is-we just cant see ourselves doing it. But I know more and more young people are doing it especially those who have babysitting issues.

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TY Amy!

Did you see my dilemma above?

All your points are valid and sensical...so true. Although in our culture and family we're considered 'old' (especially since we've been together for so long) I know we're young and have time. I think his biological clock is out of whack.

I know!! Trust me when I see pics of houses like that for such little $$ I think twice about moving out of NY too! I went to TX for a wedding recently and a house we visited was HUGE and gorgeous and I think they paid like $200k! I only wish that was possible here!!!

I know what you mean about culture expectations. In our culture if you've been married 2 or 3 years and havent had kids yet people start to wonder why and ask questions..ughh so annoying! So I know we'll be hearing it a few years later. But I dont really care..people can ask and wonder all they want, I cant do something Im not ready for to satisfy our society.

I know you're a smart girl so Im sure you guys will figure out whats right for both of you Just take your time to go over all your options.

One of the reasons I really disliked living in the south - I didn't have a support structure - no family/friends to start. This may be different because you are moving closer to your family.

No change of seasons - if I don't get the progression of seasons, I get agitated. Some people like the warm weather all the time.

Totally different lifestyle - this had pluses and minuses. It took me a while to walk slower, talk slower, etc... but I think that was a valuable lesson...

All my friends with kids say that there is never 'a right time' and that you will never feel 100% certain that you are financially ready.

Maybe if you think about it in terms of which choice you would most regret not picking in the future. If you think that in 20 years you would look back and really regret not moving to GA (or moving to GA) that might help to...

you need to decide whats important.
if you stay, its not like you cant have kids. if anything, you will have more means for children (in terms of income) pretty soon (according to your post).

how soon do oyu want kids? are you ready?

if it was me, im 25 and i dont plan on having children until I am 30. as someone who worked hard to be where i am personally i am not yet ready to give up a job for children. until i reach the level of income and career advancement that i so desire, i will not be mentally ready for children.

im not suggesting you do either but you need to ask yourself:

when do i want to have children?
is career advancement important to me?

good luck - its a hard decision and i am sure whatever you choose will work out just fine!!!

Thank you to those that responded. I guess I have to do a lot of thinking (crap! ) and will let you know what I decide.

BUMPing for Thursday thinkers...

My priority is with my family 100%. If I had a chance to move out of state to be with family I would do it. My family always comes first and then career.