What's more important to you...a career or family?

A few things for you to ponder, not necessarily to respond to:
- Why are you contemplating this rightthisminute?
- If DH could support both of you and a family, would you work?
- If you left your job, moved and then later moved back, how likely is it that you would find another job in your field?
- What is it about your field that makes it the right one and the only one for you?
- Where is DH's family and how do they fit in to your lives?
- If your family wasn't able to provide daycare, would you still consider moving? To what extent do they accept your expectations that they'll watch your kids?

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Posted by lilacwine

A few things for you to ponder, not necessarily to respond to:
- Why are you contemplating this rightthisminute?
- If DH could support both of you and a family, would you work?
- If you left your job, moved and then later moved back, how likely is it that you would find another job in your field?
- What is it about your field that makes it the right one and the only one for you?
- Where is DH's family and how do they fit in to your lives?
- If your family wasn't able to provide daycare, would you still consider moving? To what extent do they accept your expectations that they'll watch your kids?

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I know I don't have to answer...but I will for peace of mind.

1) Because I have a big mouth and was telling my DH that I would never want to raise kids in NY. That I can't see myself living here long term. That I would eventually move since houses are not affordable. Well, he got the baby bug...so rightthisminute came faster than I thought.

2) Yes, I would still work. I'm one of those people that has to work. I can't be a SAHM. I need to feel like I'm contributing to something, even if PT I would work.

3) If I came back my odds of getting a job in my field are very good. The industry isn't going anywhere. The odds maybe better since I may get the certification I need to be a gemologist. I would prob have to work for a different company though.

4) I have always been in love with jewelry and diamonds...little girl obsession, nothing else.

5) DH's family lives here. He's willing to see them at holidays and in the summer. He said 'my family will be the one I build with you, and my mom and dad would want nothing else'. He's hardcore in love with and or or at least the idea of it.

6) Yes, because the quality of life would be better...the schools would be better...my kids would get a yard and a house. But my mom is retired and my step mom is a SAHM and they have both said that they can't wait to take care of my kids (they do so for my sister) so I know it's not me expecting anything, it's them wanting and looking forward to doing it.

TY!

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Posted by johnsae

I work because I have to...I am the most non-career-minded individual...people ask me about my 'career goals' and my eyes glaze over.

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I agree with you. I'm not really either. As long as it pays the bills and we can get by, that is really I care about. I want to enjoy, my husband and kids first and foremost. But even if I was in the situation where I didn't need to work, I would still have to get out of the house, so I would need a part time job.

quality of life is more important to me than a career. We're not sure if we're staying in NY either.

think about this, some day in the very distant future when you're old. do you want to reflect on your wonderful career, or be surrounded by your loving children and grandkids and have memories of amazing vacations, your lovely home, etc.

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Posted by SomethingBlu

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Posted by nov04LIbride

I can't really relate, because I could work in any state (work in education), but my best friend moved to Michigan after working in advertising in NYC...She got a great job making tons of $$$$, much more than in NY, and homes and everything else are so much cheaper. Whirlpool is headquartered where she is, so though it is a random place to be, she's got a great job.

Personally I am waiting 3-5 years to have kids, so I would stay here now and see where my career is at that point. For me, I see no point in having babies this early on in my life--I have the rest of my life for kids, but this is the only time in my life to concentrate on me and DH, and my career.

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Is she happy in Michigan? I'm concerned that I won't be happy and possibly resent my kids...which is a horrible thing to think about. My sister loves it over there and thinks the state is growing and I would love it...but I'm not so sure.

I agree with you re:waiting. I too would love to concentrate on my DH and career and travel. We've been together 9 years and I guess he's antsy...it's kinda cute but it's really frustrating.

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Sasha, there is life west of the Hudson

NY is great, but there are PLENTY of other great places to live that have a much higher standard of living because people get to keep a LOT more of their money.

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Posted by SomethingBlu


3) If I came back my odds of getting a job in my field are very good. The industry isn't going anywhere. The odds maybe better since I may get the certification I need to be a gemologist. I would prob have to work for a different company though.

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I haven't the slightest clue what's involved, but could you get your certification here and then move? I googled, there are gemologists in Atlanta. MTV cribs always showed rich rap stars living around Atlanta; they need to buy expensive jewlery somewhere...why not close to home and from you???

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Posted by lilacwine

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Posted by SomethingBlu


3) If I came back my odds of getting a job in my field are very good. The industry isn't going anywhere. The odds maybe better since I may get the certification I need to be a gemologist. I would prob have to work for a different company though.

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I haven't the slightest clue what's involved, but could you get your certification here and then move? I googled, there are gemologists in Atlanta. MTV cribs always showed rich rap stars living around Atlanta; they need to buy expensive jewlery somewhere...why not close to home and from you???

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GREAT point!

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Posted by lilacwine

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Posted by SomethingBlu


3) If I came back my odds of getting a job in my field are very good. The industry isn't going anywhere. The odds maybe better since I may get the certification I need to be a gemologist. I would prob have to work for a different company though.

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I haven't the slightest clue what's involved, but could you get your certification here and then move? I googled, there are gemologists in Atlanta. MTV cribs always showed rich rap stars living around Atlanta; they need to buy expensive jewlery somewhere...why not close to home and from you???

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You're awesome...and Dina too..thank you!

I can get certified here, but not yet...it costs $15K a semester. But it's no biggie because it's something I want and can get...the GIA has branches here and in CA. They do offer some distance courses.
The rappers get their stuff from the Diamond District for the most part...or on loan.

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Posted by SomethingBlu


5) DH's family lives here. He's willing to see them at holidays and in the summer. He said 'my family will be the one I build with you, and my mom and dad would want nothing else'.

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that is possibly the sweetest thing i have ever heard.

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Posted by BMD'sPeanut

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Posted by johnsae

I work because I have to...I am the most non-career-minded individual...people ask me about my 'career goals' and my eyes glaze over.

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Oh me too!!!

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Me three! Although I'm the bread winner right now.

Wow, what a great discussion and tough question. I struggle with this whole thing too. I am very excited about having a family and children with fh at some point, but don't know when that point is. I'm *finally* at a point where I'm legitimately beginning my career (after 6 yrs of grad school and 2 years of post-doc). I feel like that was a big investment (and something that I really love!) to jump ship now. B/c of fh's career, we're very much tied to Tri-state area. I'd rather live in a suburb of D. C., I loved it when I lived down there. Anywhooo, right now, I'm trying to invest heavily in career, so that whenever we decide to have family, I'm more secure in my career, my company will hopefully be more flexible about my time. B/c once we have a family, that is the priority. BUT...I don't think it's 'either-or' They can both be important! I think a productive, happy mom is a better mom than one who is staying home full time and is miserable about it! Financially, I could stay home, which then confuses the hell out of my fiance as to why then I wouldn't. I just don't think I could do that! PT would be ideal, but I don't know if that's an option....

Anyway, it's so great that we're all talking about this and working it out. There's definitely no right answer, it's totally different for each person. BUT...it's also so important to think about things really really carefully before any of us dive in and have kids...Thanks so much for brining this up.

Sorry for the book-length response....