What's customary in a wedding as far as who pays for what? Meaning, wedding party, mother of bride, parents of groom, etc....
Isn't the mother of the groom supposed to pay for SOMETHING? ANYTHING?
eogara
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Re: What's the rule of thumb? Who pays for what?
According to custom, the parents of the groom usually host the rehearsal dinner.
DebMaher
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Re: What's the rule of thumb? Who pays for what?
I am not sure how the rule of thumb holds up anymore since now B+G so frequently are contributors. For us it is 1/3, 1/3, 1/3 us and both sets of parents. Traditionally, I would agree with Eileen --> that the groom's parents are responsible for RD. Groom for officiant and some other ceremony things, but most etiquette folks these days suggest that rules are more flexible nowadays.
Bunnymonkey
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Re: What's the rule of thumb? Who pays for what?
In uber-traditional times, I was under the assumption the the grroms parents pay for RD as well as transporation (?) Why, I don't know.
Also, they have been known to cover the honeymoon.
RVCBride
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I was pretty sure that is was proper etiquette for the parents of the groom to pay for the RD.
alibali
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Re: What's the rule of thumb? Who pays for what?
there are so many 'tradition' lists online.. most say that the grooms family pays for the rehearsal dinner and the honeymoon. a bunch also say they pay for flowers and possibly the officiant.. but i'm not sure on that one.
DebMaher
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Re: What's the rule of thumb? Who pays for what?
Posted by RVCBride
I was pretty sure that is was proper etiquette for the parents of the groom to AT LEAST pay for the RD. It's between me and my parents. There are 3 other siblings in my family, all of which are in college and graduating soon. The financial pressure on my dad is way too much. So FI and I are paying for a lot of it. However, his parents whom only have boys won't dip to the hip for NOTHING! I am tempted to say if they don't pay for RD then they can stay home
Sorry, Melissa, if I was unclear, but this was just my point that is that rules themselves, are NOT the point. Your dad is dealing with major financial obligations right now as are you two. The rules should not matter -- I do not know your relationship with them but I figure that you and FI should speak to his parents and state the facts -- this is a tight time for my family and we need help for the wedding. Period. If it would be easier then you can say we would like yo to cover flowers, music, etc. Or you can offer that they cover costs for whatever number of guests they invite-that way their contribution is decided by how many they want to invite. If they have no other weddings to pay for, alls the better.
RVCBride
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Re: What's the rule of thumb? Who pays for what?
Deb, I know these rules aren't standard nor by any means applicable to everyone. The problem is that they think my parents are loaded. And after paying for college, and every other expense they have, they can't shell out a 50K wedding when they have 2 other daughters lined right up. With that being said, we have already pretty much delegated everything to ourselves and my parents. My mom is paying for gown, etc...Dad is paying for xy and z. We are paying for everything else. Which is fine, just financially a lot of pressure.
We already had that dreaded talk and his mom did the whole, 'we live off this and that'. Personally, when I'm that age, I hope my savings can contribute to my childs wedding somewhat. I said fine, but the only way they can invite their friends, is if they pay for them. That's where we are at now. The RD has not been up for conversation yet. But it's going to be hell. Whatever just add the extra 1000 and change. Doesn't make or break anything
DebMaher
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Re: What's the rule of thumb? Who pays for what?
Gotcha! Wow, sorry you are wrangling with this. I think you did it perfectly -- they should cover who they invite. Although, by that argument, it may not be worth the fight over the RD, you know? The costs of feeding, entertaining and all for their guests will be so much more -- maybe scale down RD and just invite wedding party. Otherwise, why not extend same policy for that -- let them pay for their guests to RD and your family cover yours? A thought...
Borricuamorena0905
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Re: What's the rule of thumb? Who pays for what?
Yep, that tradition stuff is not practiced as much... Now a days, if your families can contribute great... but everyone should go on the hunch that they have to split the cost with their partner first..
It will help eaze the let down when family says they really don't have it...
jonsgirl
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Re: What's the rule of thumb? Who pays for what?
I just cant believe that in this day and age the brides parents are responsible more or less for the entire wedding. It is just absurd to me. The bride and groom will pay for their own wedding sooner than the grooms parents chip in! His parents didnt wanna pay for a thing, yet they have a guest list of 250 ppl just on their side!! And we arent even having a RD! After that one, my Dad finally put his foot down and said he will pay for the 100 guests we are having, and 100 of theirs. The extra 150 they can pay for themselves if they want them there. Just crazy
pickles16
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Re: What's the rule of thumb? Who pays for what?
Ummmm...my FH's parents are paying for 1/5th of the wedding, yup, that means my parents are paying for EVERYTHING else, their 1/5th does not cover their ppl, or any two vendors together....we aren't having an RD....my mother was livid at first, she does not think we should be living in the ice age where the brides parents pays for mainly everything and could not believe what they were offering us...
nicknmb
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Re: What's the rule of thumb? Who pays for what?
Posted by eogara
According to custom, the parents of the groom usually host the rehearsal dinner.
Yes, the groom's parents traditionally poay for the RD. Fh's parents are giving us double what my parents are giving us and still paying for the RD. I think it all depends on how much the parents can give. Fh's parents have the money to give, my parents don't, but they are doing it anyway.
Backinneyork
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Re: What's the rule of thumb? Who pays for what?
My fiance's dad (mother is deceased) isn't paying for anything per se, but his dad is giving us $10k as a wedding gift. We are trying our best not to touch it (actually we don't even have it yet, and are trying not to ask for it b4 the wedding) and just put it in the bank. I am pushing him to ask for a 2k more to help pay for the RD.
jennmarty
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RVCBride- this is what made me and FH fought about the most!! I thought (think) it is sooooo very unfair for my parents to shell out all of the expense- especially when they only have 2 boys!!!!!! His parents will only pay for the RD and honeymoon. The catch to the honeymoon is that they (his father) will only pay for Hawaii- now, I'm not trying to be a b&*^%.....but you would think they would at least let us pick the place. Anyway, I learned after much fighting that some parents, even if they have the means, will not put their hard earned money towards a wedding.....they think it is a complete waste!!!!
Also, I set a limit on his side and his paretns already have said something. Like Debmaher said- if they want to invite over, then they can pay for their people....plain & simple.
Bottom line is that I totally know where you are coming from and it's rough to get through- just suck it up and move on!!! Best advice I can give anyone!!
WinterBride05
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Re: What's the rule of thumb? Who pays for what?
hmmm.....traditionally grooms family pays for the limousines, flowers and rehearsal.....
good luck! my FI family has contributed $0 thus far....
junie20002
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my Family and FI is not paying for absolutly $0.00 Not one dime towards anything. what a shame....
Dooodles
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Re: What's the rule of thumb? Who pays for what?
FI and I are paying for our wedding 100%. My mom has always said she would pay for my gown, veil, shoes and such. I had a talk with my FI that since my Mom is throwing my bridal shower, I thought it would be appropriate for his parents to pay for the RD. He spoke to them about it and everything worked out fine.
OctBride05
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Re: What's the rule of thumb? Who pays for what?
me and fh are paying for most of the wedding ourselves.
i am actually having a problem with my parents giving close to nothing for my wedding. they are giving me $500.00 for my limos fh parents are doing SO much more. they are doing, bridal shower, rehersal dinner and some other things like cake topper etc... my mom has told me she was going to do my favors, money towards the hall, limos and everytime i ask her she 'doesnt have the money' whatever, my father has a great job and all their kids are grown and taking care of themselves, they have the money they just dont care about me.
