When did you ask?

SoinLoveRwe2 Posted: May 10, 2006 11:30 PM

When did you ask?

When did everyone ask their MOH's & BM's? I am looking at a potential 2+ year engagement, so I'm not sure when it's appropriate to ask & when it's like ok, CALM DOWN IT'S IN TWO YEARS!! lol

My other predicament-- my sisters are 21 months younger than me & they are triplets & I could never choose one of them over the other to be my MOH(not like there is an older one, they're each 2 minutes apart!) & my best friend of 20 years is just like a sister to me-- but I couldn't pick her over my sisters-- what do I do? Can I have 4 MOH's??? I have no idea how NOT to hurt feelings- I've heard of people letting 2 sisters split the responsibilities- but 4 girls? Should I not have MOH? I can't let all 3 of my sisters be MOH & have 1 or 2 bms right? these 4 girls are SO important to me... anyone have some advice??

October Bliss Posted: May 10, 2006 11:36 PM

Re: When did you ask?

For that long of an engagement, personally, I would wait until I was a year out to ask anyone to be in the BP.

As for choosing between triplets and best friend for MOH, again, wait and see how the next year goes. One of them will step up to the plate more than the others and make the decision easy for you. If not, I would get all four girls together in a room and tell them what you told us - they are all so important to you that you couldn't possibly 'favor' one over the other - then stick all their names in a hat and pull one out (or better yet have your mom do it), and tell them that was the only way you could think of that wouldn't hurt anyone's feelings.

eden Posted: May 10, 2006 11:41 PM

Re: When did you ask?

Depends on how large your wedding is going to be. If you have 125 or more 4 is not alot to have.

I hope to have 100-110 guests and I have 3 bridesmaids.

Also, determing who's your bridesmaid is not just about those close to you. It's about those who is close AND has the time and money to help out. Remember unless you're very generous, your bridesmaids wil have to shell out some serious dough to cover their own dress, your shower and their hair/makeup.

I have 3 sisters too and I didn't ask any of them, although the youngest did ask why I didn't ask her. My MOH, also my SIL, replied for me though. She told my sister what's involved in being a bridesmaid and my sister pretty much said, oh nevermind.

My other sisters are married with kids so they didn't have much time to spare... I'm sure your sisters will understand if you let them know what's involved.

Never too early to ask, although you don't want to have regrets so give it some thought first!

Good luck!

Sammis78 Posted: May 11, 2006 12:09 AM

Re: When did you ask?

i would also wait about a year to ask them...

as for picking, definitely keep in mind the financial status of your sisters and your friend. also, i was thinking, is it possible that your sisters are all going to use each other as MOH's for their own weddings one day? well, if yes, then i would think it's a chance for you to ask your friend, and then have your sisters be in your bridal party.

I'm having a greek wedding, and in the greek tradition is is very uncommon for you to ask someone in your family to be your best man (called a koumbaro)....because, your family is always going to be your family and will obviously always play a huge role in your life, and it gives you an opportunity to honor someone outside of your family who is very near and dear to you.

i think it is nice of you to ask you friend to be your MOH, and if you decide to do that, i think your sisters will understand. plus, i hope all parties involved will most importantly just be happy for you and respect your decision.

hope this helps....

weddingbunny Posted: May 11, 2006 12:54 AM

Re: When did you ask?

well, I'd say that if it's your sisters, it's pretty obvious they'll be in the bridal party, it's not like they're friends and you might drift apart... sisters are pretty much sisters for life, whether you like it or not.

As for your friend, I'd say it's up to you.

I didn't really 'ask' my bridal party, it was just sort of mutually assumed that they would do it, just out of discussions we had, even though it was still almost 2 years ahead of time.

as for the maid of honor thing... just don't have a maid of honor. Have 4 bridesmaids, and call it a day. There's no requirement that you choose one to be maid of honor, just have everybody share equally. For things like who holds the ring or signs the marriage contract, just grab whoever is closest and have them do it. It doens't need to be a big deal.

waterspout4 Posted: May 11, 2006 02:51 AM

Re: When did you ask?

I asked my BP right after we booked the hall and church, which was about 18 months before the wedding. All of my BP was from OOT so I knew they would need to save up to travel.

As for a MOH, I'd go for your best friend or nobody. 4 MOH is a bit much.

Brassgirl9 Posted: May 11, 2006 06:32 AM

Re: When did you ask?

I know it's tradition to pick one MOH but I would make all of them Maids of honor, lol. It's too hard to choose between three sisters and a best friend. That's what I would do anyway As for asking them, I did it right away. It looked like everyone was waiting for me to ask them right after I got engaged so I didn't want to offend anybody.
Hope everything works out!

psf80 Posted: May 11, 2006 07:44 AM

Re: When did you ask?

I asked ten months before my wedding day - I asked in September and I'm getting married in July - when I asked I had already been married for one year.

ali120206 Posted: May 11, 2006 08:10 AM

Re: When did you ask?

I asked a few right away and then the others about a year before.

As for your other issue, I'd make them all 'maid of honor' and not have any bridesmaids, that way they can all feel equally as special. We went to a wedding last year where there were 3 best men. You can do whatever you want!

jeanla4c Posted: May 11, 2006 08:11 AM

Re: When did you ask?

Posted by Brassgirl9

I know it's tradition to pick one MOH but I would make all of them Maids of honor, lol. It's too hard to choose between three sisters and a best friend. That's what I would do anyway As for asking them, I did it right away. It looked like everyone was waiting for me to ask them right after I got engaged so I didn't want to offend anybody.
Hope everything works out!

Yeah I would do something like this and then divide up the MOH duties (someone would sign license, other to give toast, another to host shower, bacholerette)....definitely a tough one though! GL!!!

camposal Posted: May 11, 2006 08:48 AM

Re: When did you ask?

Since you are so close to these girls, it probably isn't too early to ask them. If they were just friends, i would say wait since you never know what might happern in the next 2+ years. With regard to 4 MOHs. I think you should just make them all BMs. They will likely all contribute equally so there is no need to choose just one MOH. You're just gonna have to choose who walks down the isle first. may you should do it alphabetically.

SoinLoveRwe2 Posted: May 11, 2006 09:50 PM

Re: When did you ask?

Thank you so much for all of the advice-- I like it both ways, all MOHs or all BM, but the only thing is-- what if down the line I want to ask someone else (perfect example-- my FHs brother is getting married nexy year, I wouldnt ask his fiance to be a BM, but if she asks me, then by the time I'm getting married she's my SIL, I'll feel obligated- which is better-- 4 MOH's & one BM? Or all BMs? because if they're all BMs then that wont make my special girls special!! It's not a matter of them accepting or not-- they all know- they are pretty much waiting for me to make it official & choose the MOH-- lol- my sisters have been dreaming of being in my wedding since we were like 10! They all want to help me plan so maybe I'll just wait until I book & then ask them officially to share the duties! Thanks for the advice ladies!