when do you decide ....

on who should be in your bridal party? I have an one sister, one brother. He has one of each as well. But he also has a sister in law that would be insulted if she wasnt a part of it. We are jewish and our wedding is very untraditional. There are aspects that are normal, but there are other things that are not. Of course we are not having a reading. We really havent asked anyone, htey are just assuming they are in it. Any suggestions on when to decide, and how do I tell his sister-in-law that I really dont want her to be in it. I dio but I dont

Re: when do you decide ....

Hmmm...that's a tough one regarding your FH's sister-in-law. I was in a similar situation, but it was my sister-in-law, not my FHs. I'm not really close with her, but when I spoke with her after we got engaged, she said 'oooo...what colors are you thinking FOR US'. Well, that's when I knew she assumed she was in it. I spoke to my mom about it, and she was like 'of course you have to ask her, you were in hers' and my reaction was 'well, it was my BROTHER getting married, that's different'. My mom just said it would break her heart and it wouldn't kill me to do it, so I just gave in. I know that sounds horrible, cause she is great for my brother, I'm just not close with her. I don't think you should feel obligated to do anything, but if you think it will do more harm than good to not ask her, then just go for it I guess. I'm sure there are many who will disagree with me, and I kinda don't blame them!!

As for when to ask, I asked my girls one year in advance, because we had a fairly long engagement.

Good luck with it!

Re: when do you decide ....

I did not have DH's SIL in our wedding party, but her husband and 3 chiildren were in it...We only see each other 1-2 times a year...and she has had some run-ins with DH's family (divorced and remarried)

I did not have my sister's FH in the BP, but he escorted my mother to her seat...and my DH will escort my mother at my sister's wedding