When is gambling a problem?

Thats why I said earlier I can see the online thing *possibly* leading to a problem. But then again there are thousands of people playing poker online. They all do not have a gambling additiction. But fine I can agree with the online thing... its not needed if he plays with his friends twice a week or so.


Nov04: You asked for opinions and I am giving mine. I hope you don't take it personally. Enjoy the fact that he has something to do with his friends. People here think that may cause issues... but I think right now its petty to complain about it.

In fact... its things like this where he can still enjoy the company of his friends after he gets married that would lead to a much healthier marriage.

Plus since he is doing it with 'friends'... i think the 'addiction' part is less likely... because for him to increase from losing $20 buks to $100... it more or less has to equal all of his friends doing the same.

And somehow I just don't see a large group of guys all of a sudden starting a gambling addiction together. Poker has become very taboo in the last few months with World Series of poker all over ESPN. It may just be a phase as well.

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Posted by Kriss2c
Don, while I agree with where you are going with this statement.... online games can be played without real money.

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I play Pokerstars - as does the rest of my extended family ... we all never play for money and usually get a room with all my cousin's, aunt's, uncle's, etc .. it is a lot of fun and the money is FAKE. So there is nothing wrong with enjoying a good game of cards .. it does become a pronlem when money is involved and you think an extra $5 here another $20 there, etc, etc ...

As for not not having money to contribute to the wedding but having money to gamble, that is even a bigger problem then just letting off some steam.

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Posted by don424

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Posted by DjPiLL

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Posted by nov04LIbride
Well, he never gambles large amounts--the most $20 on a night playing with friends--online he even plays for 25 cents a hand. It is definitely making me consider a prenup if he has these tendencies though....

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'The most $20 on a night playing with friends'

Are you KIDDING me? Forget the poker aspect for a second. You don't think $20 buks is worth a night for him having fun with his friends? Damm I could easily go out to a bar or a club with my friends and piss away $100 buks.... nevermind $20.

And on the rare night I have poker with my BM... I usually bring $100 to the table. But granted I don't do that ever week. More like once a year or so.

The online poker thing... I can understand the concern there. But $20 buks a night with friends... even if its once or twice a week is FAR from something to be concerned over.

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yes, but as with most addictions, they start out small, and get progressively larger

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Sorry but I HAVE to jump in now. The above is WRONG WRONG WRONG. From experiences too close to home to mention (lets just say a very close family member), it IS a problem. It starts out small and may continue to grow. There are no guarantees. To prove a point, why not make an agreement to both give up LIW and poker for a week or two and see what happens. FM!!!

Hssssssssssssssssss
MEOWWWWWWWWW

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Posted by DjPiLL

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Posted by don424

yes, but as with most addictions, they start out small, and get progressively larger

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Then get concerned if he starts blowing $50-100 a night then. There is no reason to ***** and moan about a lousy $20 buks... especially with friends. She should be happy that he has something that he can enjoy with his friends. And I know my FW would say the same exact thing if she read this thread so its definitely not just a 'guy thing'.

If you are going to ***** about that... then where do you set a price at having fun with friends?

Thats like me telling my FW that getting her nails done is an addiction. Or going out and watching movies every week with her girlfriends.

LOL the last time I played quarter poker hands was back in the early '90s. I think complaining about $20 buks a night for hours of enjoyment with friends is petty.

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it's not the money with most.........it's a life style that need to be fixed and worked on......

i hope you can fix this problem before the wedding.........all you have to say is plz stop for me and our future...let him know you will be there for him..........

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Posted by maiahsdad


it's not the money with most.........it's a life style that need to be fixed and worked on......

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And what is so 'wrong' with this lifestyle if the money thats not the problem? There is no lying. No cheating. No misleading. No nothing that I can see. You going to tie the guy down to his house and tell him he can't go out with his friends once he is married? What kind of lifestyle is that?

The above poster said it best. If the guy starts lying about whats going on... then it becomes a problem.

Telling him to stop and then saying 'you will be there for him' is a total hyppocritical statement. Be there for him NOW. Let him enjoy his time with his friends. If he starts lying about things... then bring it up.

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Posted by HearzBellz

When it changes your priorities and who you are.

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I agree with HearzBellz.

If it is purely social then of course there's nothing to worry about but if you notice changes in his personality then you need to talk to him.

Does he know you are concerned about it?

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Posted by DjPiLL

And somehow I just don't see a large group of guys all of a sudden starting a gambling addiction together.

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Addictions don't happen like that - they don't ALL have to develop an addiction for it to be a problem to the original poster's FH or anyone else in the group.

I have gone out drinking with people and some of them turned out to be alcoholics but it doesn't mean that the entire group of people I was with (including myself) are alcoholics. KWIM?

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Posted by OSCARtheGROOM

I guess its my turn to answer this post. I am a recovering gambler. I don't care what anybody says its an addiction. I started playing cards for money in high school. Placing bets with my friends on college basketball games, football, and baseball. As I got older i started to play cards more and more with friends. Buying scratchoffs. One of my friends introduced me to a shylock. So i was betting on baseball, football, college basketball, horse racing, even nascar races(yeah there are ways to bet on car races). When the Yankees were palying in the world series- i was betting $2000 a game. Then one day my world came crashing down on me, and i realized i had nothing. I was paying all my bills, and child support. But i was living from paycheck to paycheck. My fw couldn't figure out where all my money was going. She never knew. My own family didn't know. My fw decided to get me help, because she has been in this situation before with someone close in her family. We joined gamblers anonymous together. I didn't want to do it. But i wanted to regain her trust, and i didn't want to lose her. I totaled how much i lost during the years i gambled. It came out to be about $80,000. Thats a down payment on a house, and alot of other things. I regret it everyday of my life. To make this long story short ... I haven't gambled for 2 years and 7 months., and i don't even have a desire too. I don't do anything thats a form of gambling. I don't even play bingo with my grandmother anymore. Like I said its an addiction, and I don't want to fall into those bad habits ever again. So my advice to you is show him this post, and get him help. Fm me if you want if you need advice. Good Luck!!!

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I am glad that your FW stuck by you and took steps to get you (and herself) some help.

Congratulations on your past 2 years and 7 months and keep up the good work

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Posted by HearzBellz

I am glad that your FW stuck by you and took steps to get you (and herself) some help.

Congratulations on your past 2 years and 7 months and keep up the good work

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I agree and I would like to add a thank you for being so honest in discussing your overcoming this problem.

Brian - thank you for your honesty and sharing your story with us.

anything can become an addiction if it gets 'out of hand' gambling, drugs, sex (well... think Halle Berrys Ex).

if it bothers you, talk to him about it and come to an agreeement. communication is the key. My husband gambles once in a while. He doesnt get crazy when we go to Foxwoods or Atlantic City which is once a year. he brings a set amount and if he loses he loses....and if he wins, I win!!!!!

He is in this Fantasy Football tournament that his friends have played in since high school. he enjoys it and its the one time of year that all of this friends get to talk about trades and numbers. It cost money and there is a winner at the end.

However, if I saw get into more than what he is doing, I would have a talk with him. I understand you are worried and that it could lead to more serious gambling issues.

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Posted by kdelace

anything can become an addiction if it gets 'out of hand' gambling, drugs, sex (well... think Halle Berrys Ex).

if it bothers you, talk to him about it and come to an agreeement. communication is the key. My husband gambles once in a while. He doesnt get crazy when we go to Foxwoods or Atlantic City which is once a year. he brings a set amount and if he loses he loses....and if he wins, I win!!!!!

He is in this Fantasy Football tournament that his friends have played in since high school. he enjoys it and its the one time of year that all of this friends get to talk about trades and numbers. It cost money and there is a winner at the end.

However, if I saw get into more than what he is doing, I would have a talk with him. I understand you are worried and that it could lead to more serious gambling issues.

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yeah, i mean we love to go to AC -- in fact we're doing a day trip to mohegan sun on sunday, but we try to limit how much we go cuz it can get addictive real quick

I dont even gamble. I don't even remember the last time I played in an actual Casino. Maybe 4-5 years ago. Last time I bet anything... was in my bar's superbowl pool.

Kudos to Oscar for taking care of business!

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Posted by DjPiLL

I dont even gamble. I don't even remember the last time I played in an actual Casino. Maybe 4-5 years ago. Last time I bet anything... was in my bar's superbowl pool.

Kudos to Oscar for taking care of business!

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Thanks everyone. Love that headbanger emote icon. Where did you find it?

I just find them on the internet... copy and upload them to my website and link from there.