I know a few of you said your FH were into poker, and mine is too. He plays A LOT--online, in person, really whenever and wherever he can. When is it too much? I asked him, and told him I was concerned, but he brushed it aside, saying he doesn't lose money (which is true--he is good, and rarely loses, so for the most part he is definitely making money). Is it OK as a hobby if you aren't losing money, or does it become an addiction? I feel bad even asking him cause I know he could say I spend just as much time on LIW....
prncssrachel
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Re: When is gambling a problem?
I think you already know the answer to that.
btrflygrl
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Re: When is gambling a problem?
my BF husband had a problem...lost all their money right before their wedding....FM me if you need help.
btrflygrl
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Posted by nov04LIbride
I know a few of you said your FH were into poker, and mine is too. He plays A LOT--online, in person, really whenever and wherever he can. When is it too much? I asked him, and told him I was concerned, but he brushed it aside, saying he doesn't lose money (which is true--he is good, and rarely loses, so for the most part he is definitely making money). Is it OK as a hobby if you aren't losing money, or does it become an addiction? I feel bad even asking him cause I know he could say I spend just as much time on LIW....
whether they are losing or winning....an addiction to gambling goes either way
brideinapril
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Re: When is gambling a problem?
I think LIW and gambling are two different things. I think it has a potential for disaster.
nov04LIbride
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Posted by btrflygrl
my BF husband had a problem...lost all their money right before their wedding....FM me if you need help.
Well, he never gambles large amounts--the most $20 on a night playing with friends--online he even plays for 25 cents a hand. It is definitely making me consider a prenup if he has these tendencies though....
Jan05Bride
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Re: When is gambling a problem?
My uncle lost his house ... and his wife of 20+ years of marriage ...
An addiction is an addiction. If he didn't actually use real money, I would still say it was an addiction, but he isn;t hurting anyone ... but since he could potentially lose much more than say $20 or $0.25 ... be very careful.
btrflygrl
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and then it turns into betting on games which seems innocent and staying up late, and 'Just a little longer honey, I'm up ___ dollars!!'.....it got to the point where he DISAPPEARED to one of the Conn. casinos and gambled all their money away behind her back...they had to borrow from a family member to pay it all off. He now only has one credit card in his name and he msut aske for permission to use it. He went to GA for his problem.....for awhile they avoided casinos at all costs and she would get mad if he even WATCHED a game on tv!!! He got over it and they got through it, but what a horror!!!
Kriss2c
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Re: When is gambling a problem?
Is it something he feels he physically NEEDS to do? Just like an alcoholic feels like I just need that one drink to get me going, a gambler would feel the same about a game. Does that describe your FH, if so, then you should urge him to get counselling.
My FH loves poker. When I allow him... he will go to the casinos to play (he's good about the spending limit I give him and he knows he has plenty of other financial responsibilities, so he's ok.) It is a way for him to pass time, it's not like he is constantly looking to start up a game.
BMD'sPeanut
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Posted by 121502
I think you already know the answer to that.
yep...
if it's a problem for you then it's a problem... period the end... gambling is baaaaad and has such a potential for problems.
nov04LIbride
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Posted by Kriss2c
Is it something he feels he physically NEEDS to do? Just like an alcoholic feels like I just need that one drink to get me going, a gambler would feel the same about a game. Does that describe your FH, if so, then you should urge him to get counselling.
My FH loves poker. When I allow him... he will go to the casinos to play (he's good about the spending limit I give him and he knows he has plenty of other financial responsibilities, so he's ok.) It is a way for him to pass time, it's not like he is constantly looking to start up a game.
See, that is mostly what he is like. Now that friends know he likes to play, he gets invited to probably 2-3 games a week with friends, usually $10-20 games. There are days he goes without, but it is basically just a way for him to pass time, as I do on LIW. I don't know if I would call it an addiction because he CAN be without it...It's not like he relies on a 'fix' every day...I just don't know...
btrflygrl
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Re: When is gambling a problem?
Beth...will his going out 2-3 times a week for these games end when you two are married/living together??
Kriss2c
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Talk to him about it.... just tell him that you don't think he has a problem, but you are concerned that it has the potential. See what he says about it and how you feel.
DjPiLL
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Re: When is gambling a problem?
Posted by nov04LIbride Well, he never gambles large amounts--the most $20 on a night playing with friends--online he even plays for 25 cents a hand. It is definitely making me consider a prenup if he has these tendencies though....
'The most $20 on a night playing with friends'
Are you KIDDING me? Forget the poker aspect for a second. You don't think $20 buks is worth a night for him having fun with his friends? Damm I could easily go out to a bar or a club with my friends and piss away $100 buks.... nevermind $20.
And on the rare night I have poker with my BM... I usually bring $100 to the table. But granted I don't do that ever week. More like once a year or so.
The online poker thing... I can understand the concern there. But $20 buks a night with friends... even if its once or twice a week is FAR from something to be concerned over.
don424
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Posted by DjPiLL
Posted by nov04LIbride Well, he never gambles large amounts--the most $20 on a night playing with friends--online he even plays for 25 cents a hand. It is definitely making me consider a prenup if he has these tendencies though....
'The most $20 on a night playing with friends'
Are you KIDDING me? Forget the poker aspect for a second. You don't think $20 buks is worth a night for him having fun with his friends? Damm I could easily go out to a bar or a club with my friends and piss away $100 buks.... nevermind $20.
And on the rare night I have poker with my BM... I usually bring $100 to the table. But granted I don't do that ever week. More like once a year or so.
The online poker thing... I can understand the concern there. But $20 buks a night with friends... even if its once or twice a week is FAR from something to be concerned over.
yes, but as with most addictions, they start out small, and get progressively larger
DjPiLL
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Posted by don424
yes, but as with most addictions, they start out small, and get progressively larger
Then get concerned if he starts blowing $50-100 a night then. There is no reason to ***** and moan about a lousy $20 buks... especially with friends. She should be happy that he has something that he can enjoy with his friends. And I know my FW would say the same exact thing if she read this thread so its definitely not just a 'guy thing'.
If you are going to ***** about that... then where do you set a price at having fun with friends?
Thats like me telling my FW that getting her nails done is an addiction. Or going out and watching movies every week with her girlfriends.
LOL the last time I played quarter poker hands was back in the early '90s. I think complaining about $20 buks a night for hours of enjoyment with friends is petty.
nov04LIbride
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Re: When is gambling a problem?
Well, djPill, this is why I explained that the $ is not the issue. It really is pretty small potatoes, though if I explained he is not contributing a dime to the wedding maybe that would make you think differently. He rarely loses anyway, so at this point I am not concerned about the loss of $.
don424
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Re: When is gambling a problem?
Posted by nov04LIbride
Well, djPill, this is why I explained that the $ is not the issue. It really is pretty small potatoes, though if I explained he is not contributing a dime to the wedding maybe that would make you think differently. He rarely loses anyway, so at this point I am not concerned about the loss of $.
plus if it was just the games with friends, that would be one thing, but doing it online should be of concern
Kriss2c
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Posted by don424
Posted by nov04LIbride
Well, djPill, this is why I explained that the $ is not the issue. It really is pretty small potatoes, though if I explained he is not contributing a dime to the wedding maybe that would make you think differently. He rarely loses anyway, so at this point I am not concerned about the loss of $.
plus if it was just the games with friends, that would be one thing, but doing it online should be of concern
Don, while I agree with where you are going with this statement.... online games can be played without real money.
don424
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Re: When is gambling a problem?
Posted by Kriss2c
Posted by don424
Posted by nov04LIbride
Well, djPill, this is why I explained that the $ is not the issue. It really is pretty small potatoes, though if I explained he is not contributing a dime to the wedding maybe that would make you think differently. He rarely loses anyway, so at this point I am not concerned about the loss of $.
plus if it was just the games with friends, that would be one thing, but doing it online should be of concern
Don, while I agree with where you are going with this statement.... online games can be played without real money.
and that's fine, but i am assuming he is playing with real money
Heck I play online slots, but I don't play for money
If he's not playing online for money then I wouldn't be as concerned
him not continuting to the wedding is an interesting sidebar
