When you fight with FH/DH....

See you should always aim to do what''s right, even when its hard, b/c that is only changing who you are as a person. I know its hard at times to step on your pride and be the bigger person all the time, but I have seen it in my marriage, you then hold them up to your standard. Just b/c someone does not behave like you behave, does not mean you should change how you behave to match them. They cannot keep on being that way. Then again people will only change their behavior when they think it is no longer profitable to them. NO amount of holding grudges or holding affection and not speaking is going to change it. I have learned this and learned this early. It makes for a mor peaceful and loving home.

Well Jenny, have you made up yet???

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Posted by yabbobay

has anyone seen that commercial with the couple fighting and then the huband text messages her in the meeting...

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Yeah, we know this one. Jim is chinese and im not, so one day when we were fighting we saw the commercial and just looked at eachother.


I believe in talking it out. He doesn't like to talk it out. I hate stupid arguments. I want them out in the open and over. I mean it's going to sound stupid, but I always compare what im agruing with against death or something horrible like cheating on me. There are much bigger things in my life to worry about than what we may be fighting over.

Still I stand my ground. I make him prove to me that he understand what it was that ticked me off to begin with. I make him prove to me he understands how *I* felt when I got ticked and how he could have avoided it. Same goes for me.

I'm quick to admit I scr#ewed up and try really hard to think about where he may be coming from. Usually before I get ticked I ask him one of those 'Did you just say what I think you did and mean.....?' Sometimes it's just misunderstanding. Im big on communication.

We've been together 4 years. Only two arguements worth remembering. Tons of little 'you're annoying' stuff, but those get resolved before the end of the day. The two big ones lasted over night and into the next day. One was me going out with an ex to see the world series game. (haha very stupid) and the Second was why he doesnt actually use the 'L' word without me having to say it first. (very annoying, still not sure it's resolved).

I don't hold back. I just tell him 'Look you just made me feel like Sh!t over a stupid ball game, do you understand how stupid that is? Think about it, does it REALLY mean that much to you? Is it really that important that you want to fight about it?'

Im brutally honest and blunt to the point of shocking, but it keeps are arguments short and painless. Never say anything you'll regret.

DH and I really don't fight. I think we've had maybe one or two 'big ones' in the beginning of our relationship, but nothing recently. Both of us are very non-confrontational, but when we do get upset, it tends to be more passive-aggressive than anything. We've actually written emails to each other to get it all out, because we can write better than we can speak... we just get all flustered. So writing helps us to say everything we want to say without it getting ugly... plus you can edit things and delete sentences, which you can't do with words!! But sometimes I want to talk things out and he won't, so that gets frustrating. It's usually best to 'pick your battles'... I think we both let stuff go because it's not worth arguing about. I am a huge control freak, so when DH does something to upset me I know it's just because I'm probably being selfish or I feel threatened... but then I know it's just me, and he's got incredible tolerance for my quirks! God bless him... I swear I don't know who else would have married me

I think if people are looking to get married or are already married and they argue and hold a grudge or make them suffer I think they aren't mature enuff to hold a meaningful realtionship!!!!!!!

I think its pathetic to make someone suffer and I haven't heard that expression since 7th grade!


ROnnie is Me and I am him.
We laugh when we sometimes bicker but never a fight.
We are too similar and had to many hard time when we were first together to ever get mad..

DH and I have been together over 10 years. Our relationship has really evolved over the years.

We started out as inexperienced, slightly immature kids and now we have grown so much!

We used to go days without speaking like it was nothing. As Shamma says it makes no sense and it benefits no one.

Now we try to quickly resolve things and not hold grudges.

I could never hold a grudge for more than an hour, if that. FH and I went through 10 months of not speaking when we were just friends. Everytime I get angry, I think of how lonely I was without his friendship for so many months and how I could have started dating him sooner had I not stopped talking to him. I could be married to him already... No grudges here. We do argue sometimes, but never for too long.

Jenny, they all are You can bet they say the same about us

LOL I think my FH thinks my thinking is so crazy

We have a no going to bed mad rule. I think we broke it once in the last 2.5 years. That sucked and we've promised never to do it again. Sometimes I stay mad for a little while, but I think the longest we've ever gone without trying to work it out is a few hours. Every couple argues, bickers, fights-whatever you want to call it. But, not talking to him won't make him 'learn'. We also worry that if something happens to one of us we don't want the last words to be negative.

Edited to add: Yabbobaby-my hubby thinks it's cute everytime that commercial comes on b/c he knows I get all sentimental.

This is a good thread, it will make some of us adjust our style of arguing.