Who else is getting married and then first moving in together to a brand new place?

Original post by Jax430

Apr 16, 2004 10:38 AM

FH and I found an apartment a couple of weeks ago. We have a 5/15 lease date, and will start moving stuff in then, but will not be living together until after we get back from our honeymoon. Although I'm happy we are doing things this way, I feel so much added stress. Not only are we planning a wedding, but we are both moving out of our childhood homes and need EVERYTHING for our new apartment. Most of my friends who are getting married already live together, so I wanted to see who else out there was going through this too!

Sassyz75 Posted: Apr 16, 2004 03:20 PM

Re: Who else is getting married and then first moving in together to a brand new place?

Posted by litlone555

I've been thinking about this one for awhile. FH lives in a house with his brother and another room mate and I don't think thats a good way to start living together with so much interference of other people. But my sister always says you have to live together first b/c it's a whole different experience and you should know that you can stand each other before you get married. Don't know what to do. FH lease isn't up until 2-3 months before the wedding.

There is no proof that living together before marriage tells you anything about your future marriage with your FH. I don't think living together will prove anything- you already know about your compatibility- if how he doesn't put away laundry is a deal breaker for you, you wouldn't have gotten engaged to him- I am sure at this point in your relationship you know about his strengths & weaknesses.

kel2004 Posted: Apr 16, 2004 03:23 PM

Re: Who else is getting married and then first moving in together to a brand new place?

Posted by Sassyz75

There is no proof that living together before marriage tells you anything about your future marriage with your FH.

Actually, statistics prove that couples who live together before marriage are more likely to get divorced than couples who don't.

Sassyz75 Posted: Apr 16, 2004 03:26 PM

Re: Who else is getting married and then first moving in together to a brand new place?

Posted by kel2004

Posted by Sassyz75

There is no proof that living together before marriage tells you anything about your future marriage with your FH.

Actually, statistics prove that couples who live together before marriage are more likely to get divorced than couples who don't.

The reason why i never use that statistic is b/c it may be flawed- we can't be too sure that those people who do not live together b/f hand aren't divorcing b/c they are religious and would rather stay uphappy...

But I still maintain living together b/f marriage is of no benefit.

kel2004 Posted: Apr 16, 2004 03:29 PM

Re: Who else is getting married and then first moving in together to a brand new place?

Posted by Sassyz75

Posted by kel2004

Posted by Sassyz75

There is no proof that living together before marriage tells you anything about your future marriage with your FH.

Actually, statistics prove that couples who live together before marriage are more likely to get divorced than couples who don't.

The reason why i never use that statistic is b/c it may be flawed- we can't be too sure that those people who do not live together b/f hand aren't divorcing b/c they are religious and would rather stay uphappy...

But I still maintain living together b/f marriage is of no benefit.

That's a good point. I still think it's an interesting statistic, though...

fallinlove04 Posted: Apr 16, 2004 03:49 PM

Re: Who else is getting married and then first moving in together to a brand new place?

we will be doing the same thing. we have no idea where we will live, but we won't live with each other before the wedding. that is the least of my worries though. i will actually be thankful to be with him. it is how we are going to manage it that is stressful.

belle31125 Posted: Apr 16, 2004 04:21 PM

Re: Who else is getting married and then first moving in together to a brand new place?

We will be buying a house hopefully a couple of months before the wedding, so we can get things in order... FH will most likely live in it before we get married and then we will move in with each other after we get married.. we both live at home with our parents.. FH lived in an apartment for 2 and 1/2 years with his friends but when we got engaged he moved back home to save money.. he never realized how much money he spent when he lived on his own.

August2004 Posted: Apr 16, 2004 04:45 PM

Re: Who else is getting married and then first moving in together to a brand new place?

kel2004,

I would take every 'statistic' you read with a grain of salt. I would look at the source of the study and who is funding the study. I have read statistics that say that living together before marriage is better and vice versa. I think it really depends on each individual couple. I wouldn't bank on having a better chance of not getting a divorce just because we don't live together before we get married. That's just not a realistic way of looking at things.

kel2004 Posted: Apr 16, 2004 04:47 PM

Re: Who else is getting married and then first moving in together to a brand new place?

Posted by teach2be

kel2004,

I would take every 'statistic' you read with a grain of salt. I would look at the source of the study and who is funding the study. I have read statistics that say that living together before marriage is better and vice versa. I think it really depends on each individual couple. I wouldn't bank on having a better chance of not getting a divorce just because we don't live together before we get married. That's just not a realistic way of looking at things.

Whoa, I wasn't stating it as fact. I was just sharing a statistic I heard.

May05Bride Posted: Apr 16, 2004 06:22 PM

Re: Who else is getting married and then first moving in together to a brand new place?

Posted by kel2004

Posted by teach2be

kel2004,

I would take every 'statistic' you read with a grain of salt. I would look at the source of the study and who is funding the study. I have read statistics that say that living together before marriage is better and vice versa. I think it really depends on each individual couple. I wouldn't bank on having a better chance of not getting a divorce just because we don't live together before we get married. That's just not a realistic way of looking at things.

Whoa, I wasn't stating it as fact. I was just sharing a statistic I heard.

If its the one that I was reading, than it says couples that live together have a higher rate of braking up. That is very diffirent from divorce. Its true that living together you REALLY find out about the person. It is very different living with someone than dating. So really, the 'statistic' shows that people find out they are not compatible early one so they break up and don't get married.

I am pretty sure if they looked at the 'statistics' of those that lived together before marrying than they would not find the divorce rate higher...

But it is true that you find out much more about the person when living with them. It was true with my roomate in college and it is true with my FI. We lived together for 5 years, and now getting married..

Vicky1706 Posted: Apr 16, 2004 07:26 PM

Re: Who else is getting married and then first moving in together to a brand new place?

we are going to wait until after the honeymoon also. FH will move in first but not much before me (I don't know how many months before the wedding we will be able to afford rent while saving for the wedding so we may look to move in around October/November.) It seems like it is going to be impossible when I think of it now...wedding planning, apartment hunting and all this around the holidays...my stress level should be through the roof!

StayandJohn Posted: Apr 16, 2004 07:45 PM

Re: Who else is getting married and then first moving in together to a brand new place?

My DH and I lived apart our whole engagement. We bought our house 6 months before the wedding. During that time we painted and put down new carpet, moved things in. It gave me a nice little break from stressing over wedding related issues

BriBri529 Posted: Apr 16, 2004 08:13 PM

Re: Who else is getting married and then first moving in together to a brand new place?

I can relate. FH lives in Merrick and I live In Port Jefferson Station. We are both going to be moving out into a new place together (either living in a basement apartment at my parents' house or in a co-op) and will not be doing this until we are married and back from our honeymoon.

lillian771 Posted: Apr 16, 2004 08:56 PM

Re: Who else is getting married and then first moving in together to a brand new place?

Its nice to read that so many of you girls are also waiting until you get married to live w/ FH. We have a while to go, but are really looking forward to officially starting our lives together after the wedding. We plan on buying something together, so I'm sure as it gets closer it will be very stressful with so much going on. But i agree that in the long run it will really be worth it. :)