So, today was my RSVP deadline and I still have 75 guests unaccounted for. My mom says that it's in poor taste to call people and ask, 'Are you coming to my wedding?'
Also, I did read somewhere that the etiquette is that a lack of response is considered a decline.
And, last week, we made calls to remind people to send in the RSVPs on time. Some people did, but 75 people still remain unaccounted for.
Honestly, I feel like just considering them all to be declines. I am really hurt and offended by this.
Stacey04
Posted:
Member since
Re: Who is strictly adhereing to their RSVP deadline?
I would say to wait until Tues or Wed or next week if they are local people. If they mailed them yesterday or today you should get them by then..
Also I think YOU should not call, unless they are your friends, if its your moms side then she could and same for your dads or whoever you want to designate...
wenndypoo
Posted:
Member since
Re: Who is strictly adhereing to their RSVP deadline?
Unfortunately, this is an issue I think most us of had to deal with. I was hurt also. To me , it was the first time I felt my wedding really wasn't important to anyone. Don't take peoples poor manners personally though.
You are right that a phone call is not required. You've already provided a stamped and adddressed envelope, it can't be any easier! You are also correct that a no response is considered a decline.
If pone calls must be made for some reason, they should NOT be by you.
You will get some late responses over the next week, don't sweat it too much. Believe it or not, we actually got an RSVP 3 days before the wedding
myasmom
Posted:
Member since
Re: Who is strictly adhereing to their RSVP deadline?
I am the same way...no response by my deadline..No come to my wedding. We are over already so we welcome the NO's!
oakslady
Posted:
Member since
Re: Who is strictly adhereing to their RSVP deadline?
we are strictly going by the deadline - no response dont come
oneday
Posted:
Member since
Re: Who is strictly adhereing to their RSVP deadline?
Well, I know I had a lot of people who were late with the RSVP. I didn't end up having to call anyone, but personally, I don't see what would be wrong with calling and saying 'I'm sorry, but we hadn't heard from you and we need to get a count for our hall, so do you think you'll be able to make it to the wedding'. In reading these responses about how if someone doesn't respond, they are not being allowed to come, I'm just curious, first, what if they just assume you know that they are coming and then show up - will you send them away? Or, if you hear from them later than the RSVP date, do you call and tell them that their invite has been revoked because they didn't get it in on time? I totally understand that it is rude of them to not send the pre addressed, pre-stamped card in, but I'm just wondering how that will work.
Stavia
Posted:
Member since
Re: Who is strictly adhereing to their RSVP deadline?
First of all, I would give an extra week for late senders(some may have only mailed it today). Then, go thru your list & call who your really unsure if they will come or not. For us, I only had to call maybe 2 or 3 couples, there were others who didn't respond, but because they were OOT or distant family, we were sure they weren't coming & they didn't!
LADYLUV69
Posted:
Member since
Re: Who is strictly adhereing to their RSVP deadline?
we are sticking to our deadline. if they do not respond by the date given or it is not post mark by the day or on the day, i will be send ing the responses back (RETURN TO SENDER). They have a month to reply and all they have to do is check accept or decline, use some water to seal the enevelpoe and put it in the mail. i did most of the work for them. we are getting married with or without them. we'll save money if they decline any way!!
suven
Posted:
Member since
Re: Who is strictly adhereing to their RSVP deadline?
Posted by oneday
first, what if they just assume you know that they are coming and then show up - will you send them away? Or, if you hear from them later than the RSVP date, do you call and tell them that their invite has been revoked because they didn't get it in on time? I totally understand that it is rude of them to not send the pre addressed, pre-stamped card in, but I'm just wondering how that will work.
For me, I don't think that anyone will assume that I know they are coming because everyone has been told that they need to RSVP. We made courtesy phone calls last weekend to remind people to get the card in.
And, I do have a couple people in mind who I will tell they are too late. For example, there is one couple who failed to RSVP for our engagment party. They called 6 days before the party to let us know that they were coming. My mother paid for them. Guess what? They never showed up. So, I will be more than happy to let those people know that it is too late.
tourist
Posted:
Member since
Re: Who is strictly adhereing to their RSVP deadline?
Posted by LADYLUV69
we are sticking to our deadline. if they do not respond by the date given or it is not post mark by the day or on the day, i will be send ing the responses back (RETURN TO SENDER).
Wow- you mean business! I admire that, but I don't know if I could do that. Maybe if it comes really late.
I would allow a few days b/c people do tend to mail it on the day its due. Since you did call people, I wouldn't call again. Those you called may just send them now.
I have a few people I might call, b/c I have to remind them to send in RSVP's for other things ( like my former roomate) But really only peoplel that mentioned they were coming. Just in case it somehow got lost.
I'm sorry 75 people didn't repond. That is really rude. Do you have your minimum?
violetfairy
Posted:
Member since
Re: Who is strictly adhereing to their RSVP deadline?
if they do not respond by the date given or it is not post mark by the day or on the day, i will be send ing the responses back (RETURN TO SENDER).
Are you SERIOUS?!
Glad I'm not on your invite list. I'm terrible about RSVPing, and I know it's a fault of mine and not cool, but--
I mean, TODAY ALONE, I went to two parties that I never RSVPed for. (A communion and a birthday party.) I just lost track of the date, and my mom reminded me last night that the parties were today. One of them assumed I was coming, the other didn't, but both were wonderful to me and didn't act miffed in the least. (The one who wasn't expecting me had several no-shows, so it wasnt a problem at all.) If someone returned my RSVP just because it was late, I'd be horrified.
I will be calling non-responders. I'm already preparing for it and know I have it coming to me. Karma.
LADYLUV69
Posted:
Member since
Re: Who is strictly adhereing to their RSVP deadline?
the purpose of the RSVP is so you can have a count of how many plates you have to pay for. I will not (even though I can) tell my caterer the night before , 'Oh by the way we need 30 more plates 3 tables, chairs, etc,,,' I have enough on my plate. Once I complete the painful task of finishing the seating chart, I'm not trying to hear oh I forgot to send the RSVP but we are coming!!! FH and I agree we are going to make this as stress free as possible. Everyone I've invited to the wedding know how I operate, so I do not believe this will be a problem for me. I've been this way my whole 30 ish years and I'm definitely not changing now. My sister got married 2 yrs ago and I helped her w/ the preparations. She had people RSVP a couple of days b4 the wedding. what saved her is that we catered her reception ourselves. I had to tell her that is i!!! I like to cook, but I am not trying to make this an all nighter. I had to get sleep b/c I was also the MOH.
wenndypoo
Posted:
Member since
Re: Who is strictly adhereing to their RSVP deadline?
Whats wrong with having to call people is that you've gone through the trouble (and expense) of providing pre-addressed and stamped envelopes for people to respond. All they have to do is check a line and add some spit. If they can't be bothered to do that, then you should not have to call and beg for a response. You have done enough, and have enough to do!
If this were a causal event, then it would be fine. But I don't think most people understand what goes into planning a wedding. There are head counts, seating arrangements, place cards, etc. etc..... People who don't rsvp on time really muck things up.
I got late RSVP's, and three who never responded, but showed up anyway. I was pissed, but I didn't have the nerve to say anything! We just squeezed them in, but it caused me some aggrevation.
myasmom
Posted:
Member since
Re: Who is strictly adhereing to their RSVP deadline?
For us we are already over our limit so I need any excuse to say 'NO'.
The late ones are just casual acquaintances from FH job so I told him that I will send a thank you card back but unfortunately the hall required us to have final head count in and its too late to make that change.
I refuse to be stressed anymore ovcer inconsiderat epeople.
