WHo should be in the bridal party/mini vent

Happybride2005 Posted: Feb 05, 2005 09:49 PM

WHo should be in the bridal party/mini vent

Do sister in law/brother in law have to be in the bridal party?

Here's the mini vent. Today fh brother was asking him questions about the wedding.(the first time he's done it) When fh told his brother who will be in the bridal party, he had something to day. He said in the weddings that he's been to, when the bridal party is with other people besides immediate family(as in friends), the sister in law/brother in law should be included. FH sil isn't in the bridal party. I don't even know her. We tried to get together with them, but they don't show interest. Fh brother is telling him that he's not tell him how to plan the wedding but sil when be a little hurt. If I knew her and we did things with her, of course I would have her in the bridal party. But how could I have someone in the bridal party that I don't even know.

Sorry so long. Just had to vent a little

milla Posted: Feb 05, 2005 10:00 PM

Re: WHo should be in the bridal party/mini vent

that is definitely a touchy issue since it sounds like you aren't close w/ FH sil.

To be honest most weddings I have been to included the sil..but these were all situations where the bride was close w/ the sil...

I am not sure if this is an etiquette issue where the answer can be found in a book..

are you having a large bridal party?

Happybride2005 Posted: Feb 05, 2005 10:06 PM

Re: WHo should be in the bridal party/mini vent

Posted by milla

that is definitely a touchy issue since it sounds like you aren't close w/ FH sil.

To be honest most weddings I have been to included the sil..but these were all situations where the bride was close w/ the sil...

I am not sure if this is an etiquette issue where the answer can be found in a book..

are you having a large bridal party?

i'm have four girls and four guys. i was out with her once at a diner. i saw her at fh mom's retirement party...all she said that i had a nice setting on the ring. i met her when they were showing the video from her wedding. she said hello to me when i got there and good bye. i saw her for fh grandmother's funeral. she really didn't say anything. we tried to do stuff with them, but it seemed like they didn;t want to do stuff with us.

DMcK Posted: Feb 05, 2005 10:08 PM

Re: WHo should be in the bridal party/mini vent

I think bil and sil are usually in the BP. It's up to you but to keep the peace, you may want to include her.

Bunnymonkey Posted: Feb 05, 2005 10:09 PM

Re: WHo should be in the bridal party/mini vent

no one is 'supposed' to be in your bridal party except the people you WANT to be in your bridal party.

milla Posted: Feb 05, 2005 10:10 PM

Re: WHo should be in the bridal party/mini vent

re: keeping the peace..that is very true....she is going to be your sister-in-law no matter how often you see her

M&LSept1606 Posted: Feb 05, 2005 10:13 PM

Re: WHo should be in the bridal party/mini vent

usually in laws are included for the family member themselves. for example, would you be a little upset if you were married and someone picked your husband to be a groomsman, and didn't pair him with you but some other woman? I know it might not upset you in particular. (I don't think I would get too caught up in it either) but some people are very insecure and don't like seeing their significant other or husband walk down the aisle with another.
even though she's not close with you, I would have her if you're having his brother and they are married/engaged. One a pair is married, once you pick one, you have the other it kind of goes with out saying. This is just my opinion, not the rule of course.

M&LSept1606 Posted: Feb 05, 2005 10:14 PM

Re: WHo should be in the bridal party/mini vent

when I said 'walk down the aisle' I mean as groomsmen/bridesmaids....just wanted to clarify

JPC1125 Posted: Feb 05, 2005 10:48 PM

Re: WHo should be in the bridal party/mini vent

gail, i woulndt put anyone in the bp that i wouldnt want in it

its my one bridezilla issue....i put my feet down for that stuff....only the best people will surround me...and be in most of my pictures

jesslangen Posted: Feb 05, 2005 11:08 PM

Re: WHo should be in the bridal party/mini vent

FH and I included my BIL because we (as couples) happen to be really close with my sister and BIL. We felt it only right to include both (my sister is MOH and BIL is a groomsmen). In addition, I was MOH at my sisters wedding.

But, if you aren't close with them then I don't think you should feel obligated to include them! JMO..

germai68 Posted: Feb 06, 2005 12:19 AM

Re: WHo should be in the bridal party/mini vent

I don't know about all this. If you are not close with her than you should not have to have her in the bridal party. It is going to be a long day with you and your girls, will she even enjoy it? I mean she would she feel a part of it, fit in with everyone? That is something to consider as well. Plus, you don't want to spend anypart of your day making sure she is comfortable with your bridal party (the girls only part of the day that is).

Dooodles Posted: Feb 06, 2005 09:13 AM

Re: WHo should be in the bridal party/mini vent

You wouldn't have to include her even if you were close and still wanted a smaller BP. My SIL and I have a wonderful relationship as do future SIL and I. Both understood I was not interested in having a BP that was out of control. DH had my BIL as one of his groomsmen. My SIL and FSIL were both included in my day in other ways and everyone understood the situation. Have those who are dear to you in the BP, that is what it is for!

Happybride2005 Posted: Feb 06, 2005 09:20 AM

Re: WHo should be in the bridal party/mini vent

Posted by Dooodles

You wouldn't have to include her even if you were close and still wanted a smaller BP. My SIL and I have a wonderful relationship as do future SIL and I. Both understood I was not interested in having a BP that was out of control. DH had my BIL as one of his groomsmen. My SIL and FSIL were both included in my day in other ways and everyone understood the situation. Have those who are dear to you in the BP, that is what it is for!

I agree with you completely doodles. Thankse for your important. If my fh was in a bridal party and I wasn't, I would be okay with it. I was just in a bridal party and he wasn't, he wasn't. He enjoyed seeing me walk down the aisle. When my sister got married(we were engaged at the time), he wasn't in the bridal party. He understood that there was no room.

traceyd Posted: Feb 06, 2005 09:27 AM

Re: WHo should be in the bridal party/mini vent

Posted by Anti-Bride

gail, i woulndt put anyone in the bp that i wouldnt want in it

its my one bridezilla issue....i put my feet down for that stuff....only the best people will surround me...and be in most of my pictures

I completely agree-you shouldn't HAVE to have anyone that you dont want or aren't close with. The choice is entirely yours.

CubanBride Posted: Feb 06, 2005 09:40 AM

Re: WHo should be in the bridal party/mini vent

You should choose who you are comfortable with. Don't ask her just out of what you think youare supposed to do. Screw that.

Happybride2005 Posted: Feb 06, 2005 09:44 AM

Re: WHo should be in the bridal party/mini vent

Posted by CubanBride

You should choose who you are comfortable with. Don't ask her just out of what you hthink youare supposed to do. Screw that.[/QUlOTE]

i won't be adding her. to me, the bridal party should be someone you have a good relationship with.

David'sbride Posted: Feb 06, 2005 02:25 PM

Re: WHo should be in the bridal party/mini vent

You ar enot obligated to have relatives in the bridal party. We aren't. I',m having a MOH (best friend) and BM (best friend of FH only). His two sisters will probably do a reading.

marc_rai Posted: Feb 06, 2005 02:42 PM

Re: WHo should be in the bridal party/mini vent

I don't think you should feel you have to include the SIL if you are not close to her.

angelbear217 Posted: Feb 06, 2005 02:46 PM

Re: WHo should be in the bridal party/mini vent

I am only having one of my FSILs in my wedding because I was in hers. But she is FH's sister. If this person is not blood related to either of you I don't think it would be a big deal not to have her. You want people in you BP that mean a lot to you and if you hardly know her, she doesn't sound like a candidate.

Remember: YOUR DAY, YOUR WAY!!!!

Good Luck!!

bluesashbride Posted: Feb 06, 2005 03:31 PM

Re: WHo should be in the bridal party/mini vent

fortunately i ADORE my FSIL, but when i asked her i did it because she was my SH sister and they are VERY close which i 110% respect. i also knew she and i would grow closer-or hoped for it-and to show her respect i asked her. i think you do the right thing by you FH, even if it not something you might normally do. doing this might bring you two closer together.