Brides Helping Brides ™ - Who wants to be a SAHM when the kiddies arrive?

Kathy116 Posted: Apr 27, 2004 02:15 PM

Who wants to be a SAHM when the kiddies arrive?

I would love to...my MIL has said to me on numerous occasions, 'it would be a shame for you to waste your law degree....all the education just wasted'.

I know she's an idiot, but I've met SOOOOOOO many WOMEN who have made comments like this to me. Even my friends say, 'I'd just go crazy if I didn't work or have my independence'. Mind you, these friends don't have children,

My DH says I can do whatever I want (he'd love me to stay home but he doesn't want to be pushy).

I know I shouldn't care about what other people say, etc...but it just gets so darn frustrating to hear this.

Anyone else hear similar remarks?

luvsun27 Posted: Apr 27, 2004 02:22 PM

Re: Who wants to be a SAHM when the kiddies arrive?

I wish I could stay home...but it's just not possible. I make more $$$ than DH, so I have to keep working. Just a part of life.

Don't worry about what everyone else says...do what works for your and your DH. There's no waste in your education...you can always have a small practice when the kids get to school age or something...maybe just do house closings or some easy stuff to keep occupied. Good luck!

btrflygrl Posted: Apr 27, 2004 02:28 PM

Re: Who wants to be a SAHM when the kiddies arrive?

I've always wanted to be a SAHM...in fact I truly believe that is what my 'job' is supposed to be!! DH and I tend to be more old fashioned when it comes to this and we agreed that I will stay home with the kids until they go to school full time, and then be home for them when they come home. Now mind you...we are also planning on relocating so that we have the luxury of me staying at home!!

Kelly9904 Posted: Apr 27, 2004 04:51 PM

Re: Who wants to be a SAHM when the kiddies arrive?

I would love to be a SAHM, I say this at 25 when I dont want kids for 5 years mind you. I dont know what I will want when I am 30 and preggo!!

Now my cousin who was 38 when she had her first and only baby, said there is no way I could stay at home, I have worked since I was 14 its part of who I am, I love to work, I own my own business, I dont want to rely on my husband for money, PS she sold her business and LOVES LOVES LOVES being a SAHM.

On the other side, my former coworker left here to have a baby with the intention of coming back in about 6 months. Her husband got a new job, more money so siad stay home for a year and then we can reevaluate. Its been just over a year and she has not returned yet b/c she has what she says is a 'difficult baby' and she doenst feel she can leave her at day care and her family cant help out, anyway, I spoke to her and she cant wait to go back to work!

Point is, you have to do whats right for you and your DH and your future kids NO ONE ELSE! Forget what your MIL says or your friends, this is a completely personal decision that only you guys can make! (when the time comes of course)

princess99 Posted: Apr 27, 2004 05:34 PM

Re: Who wants to be a SAHM when the kiddies arrive?

been there! My MIL is telling me I should be working full time when we have kids, DH wants me to be a stay at home mom, and work from the house if needed. I am also getting, u just got married, I hope u r going to wait to have kids. Hello?! I am almost 33 yrs. old, we have a house, and he has a good job, we have been together over 4 years and living together for 2 of those years. People should mind there own business, it is a personal decision and should be made between husband and wife. Just my opinion.

Kathy116 Posted: Apr 27, 2004 05:43 PM

Re: Who wants to be a SAHM when the kiddies arrive?

Thanks ladies for all your words and advice. Intellectually, I know I'm going to do what's best for our family, it's just that all the comments have really started to get to me lately (since we've been married only a few months, naturally the next thing people ask is about kids).

Thanks again

AtticaQT Posted: Apr 27, 2004 08:04 PM

Re: Who wants to be a SAHM when the kiddies arrive?

I am graduating law school next month (WOOHOO!!!) -

This is a question that I have been pondering for so long - I truly want to be a SAHM. Hopefully we will be financially stable for me to be able to do that - it means a lot to me that my mom stayed home and raised me and my brothers, even though she had a very promising career in fashion designing, and I would love to do the same for my own children. I love the idea of my being with them during their crucial developing years - this is such a personal decision and it requires a lot of thought.

I still have some time (we arent planning on having kids for about 5 years - but that is only after i've convinced my FH that i need at least 5 years of working to feel like my degree has meant something. When i'm 30 i'll re-evaluate it all.

Boop2704 Posted: Apr 27, 2004 09:17 PM

Re: Who wants to be a SAHM when the kiddies arrive?

I would love to be. I want to be there when my child takes their first steps, when they say their first words, everything. I want to be there to see my baby grow up, but unfortunateley, living on this island, that has sort of become impossible. I f I had my way, I would definitely be a SAHM, but I am not sure right now if that will be possible. When the time comes we will just have to see if is is in the best interest of our family for me to stay at home. I am looking into other things now that I could do to make money from home. I am looking into starting my own business, doing something that I love, that I can do from home. I guess only time will tell!!

MrsTC Posted: Apr 27, 2004 09:35 PM

Re: Who wants to be a SAHM when the kiddies arrive?

Being a SAHM would be a dream come true for me. I have always felt that way and like btrflygrl, i feel as if that is supposed to be my true job, like a calling. However, with so many expenses.,..i don't know if it will be a reality. I would be grateful at this point to even just do part time work. I was on the train today and I saw a mom with a small baby and i felt like crying because i don't know when that will be me....when will we be able to afford it?? I am also looking into things I can do from home....like recruiting.

swags1016 Posted: Apr 27, 2004 10:03 PM

Re: Who wants to be a SAHM when the kiddies arrive?

I would LOVE to be a stay at home mom, but I make more than my DH. I also LOVE my job too much to give it up completely. I think if we could I would teach part time and take half a class load 3 classes maybe. But realistically I don't think that we will ever have this luxury.

I will be lucky though that I will have the summers with my kids. Also since DH does shift work he can go on over nights and we will not have to worry about daycare.

AliKing Posted: Apr 28, 2004 08:44 AM

Re: Who wants to be a SAHM when the kiddies arrive?

I would love to be a SAHM, but I think for our first child I will have to continue working.
If everything works out as planned, I will have a baby by next summer and then have to work on my masters thesis to become a permanently certified teacher. I have to be teaching in order to complete this.
I think (hope) by the second I will be able to be a SAHM!!!
To answer you question I get the same remarks from people. But I feel that my education is something that I can always fall back on. I want to be a SAHM, but not forever! Once the kids are older I will want to go back to teaching.

drewsgirl Posted: Apr 28, 2004 09:23 AM

Re: Who wants to be a SAHM when the kiddies arrive?

I want to be so bad. Hopefully that will be able to happen. I may have to be patient and wait 2 years after being married to do so, if thats the case i will wait then (even though I want one know if I could). FH will be done with his Union apprentice program then so he will be making top pay.

dawnie Posted: Apr 28, 2004 10:05 AM

Re: Who wants to be a SAHM when the kiddies arrive?

I would love to be a SAHM> That would be my dream. I am not sure how realistic it is! I guess I will have to see when the time comes!

soon2bMrs Posted: Apr 28, 2004 10:18 AM

Re: Who wants to be a SAHM when the kiddies arrive?

I would love to to be SAHM but I don't think it will be economically possible for the first baby, but hopefully for the second one.

MayDay16 Posted: Apr 29, 2004 08:36 AM

Re: Who wants to be a SAHM when the kiddies arrive?

I am struggling with this every day. I would love to but life makes it so hard for us.

nov04LIbride Posted: Apr 29, 2004 02:07 PM

Re: Who wants to be a SAHM when the kiddies arrive?

My aunt is a doctor and decided to be a SAHM after they went through a string of live-in-nannies, the last who was arrested after leaving one of the kids locked in a car while she got her nails done (a 14 month old!). Do what is right for you--now my cousins are a little older, and she volunteers in a clinic for low-income people. It makes her feel like she has a purpose other than family, but isn't as much of a commitment of a paying job...

dgtlsunshine Posted: Apr 30, 2004 01:04 PM

Re: Who wants to be a SAHM when the kiddies arrive?

I think I will last about 1 year at home before I am ready to go back to work. I think its more a personality thing. I need a lot to occupy my mind or I go crazy. Its a bad habit of mine. I also think my masters degree will be wasted if I stay home.

I say all this to say its a personal decision. I have never felt motherly instincts or like a strong calling to be a mom so thats most likely why I have these feelings.

So many women wish they could stay home. If you can financially I say go for it. You don't have to stay home forever...when the kids get to be school age you can always start to use that law degree again.

aliciahelene Posted: May 01, 2004 12:09 PM

Re: Who wants to be a SAHM when the kiddies arrive?

I want to be home with my children..atleast until they get through preschool. Although I may WANT to work part time just to get out..I never thought Id want that, but I have a few friends and sister who just had babies and they LOVE working two days a week. I am hoping to eventually have my own practice, so that would allow me to spend more time at home during the day, because most of my clients will be at night. But who knows..

cluelessbride Posted: May 04, 2004 07:27 AM

Re: Who wants to be a SAHM when the kiddies arrive?

I want to stay home in the worst way, but we can't afford it. Actually, the whole when-to-TTC decision is based on what we can afford.

JENNCHRIS Posted: May 05, 2004 10:54 PM

Re: Who wants to be a SAHM when the kiddies arrive?

I am a SAHM and I love it! It's a little trying sometimes, but I wouldn't change it for the world. I actually went back to work for a few months and I couldn't stand being away from Jordan and missing things with him. Totally a personal decision