Whos right?

divabride Posted: May 13, 2005 11:49 AM

Whos right?

I asked one of my dear and close cousins to be a reader. We are VERY close and as children we were brought up together so he's like my brother. Without hesitation, he accepted.
A few months ago he fell off the roof of his house and shattered a good part of his leg. He has been in a cast for months now and it doesnt look like the situation will change.
He confided in me that he no longer feels comfortable doing the reading because he doesnt want anyone to feel bad for him when they see him hobbling up to the podium. I swear his pride gets the best of him. I told him that with or without a cast, I would still be honored to have him be a part of my day. He means so much to me. But he wont listen. He's ashamed of the cast and he just doesnt want to do it. He then reluctantly said if I REALLY wanted him to do it, he would. That made me feel awful because I dont want to make him do something he obviously is not comfortable with. Should I still ask him to read or respect his decision to bow out?

suven Posted: May 13, 2005 11:53 AM

Re: Whos right?

I would respect his decision to bow out. There is NO WAY that I would drag myself to the front of a church in front of SO MANY people and then do a reading.

jennandrob Posted: May 13, 2005 11:53 AM

Re: Whos right?

As much as you want him to be an integral part of your day by being a reader, I think you must respect his decision to step down.

I would be hestitant to do it if I was in his shoes with a church-full of people looking at me too.

ChrissynRicky Posted: May 13, 2005 11:56 AM

Re: Whos right?

In the end, I have confidence that he wants to read, but feels embarassed - not for him, but for you - he probably doesn't want to 'ruin' your day by wobbling. I'd insist he be a reader, and tell him you'd have it no other way.

Bella Blu Posted: May 13, 2005 11:57 AM

Re: Whos right?

Ask him one last time.....let him know although it would mean a lot, but you don't want him to feel uncomfortable..... If he doesn't feel comfortable then I would choose someone else.

divabride Posted: May 13, 2005 12:01 PM

Re: Whos right?

Posted by ChristineAEid

In the end, I have confidence that he wants to read, but feels embarassed - not for him, but for you - he probably doesn't want to 'ruin' your day by wobbling. I'd insist he be a reader, and tell him you'd have it no other way.

That's exactly his arguement. He thinks he's going to 'ruin' my wedding video. I told him it would be ruined without him, but I quickly retracted and told him whatever decision he makes I will respect it. But that his presence was more important to me than his appearance. That's when he reluctantly said he would do it.
I guess Im just trying to get that neutral point of view your girls are always good at giving.
Thanks Ladies!!!

D&C Posted: May 13, 2005 12:02 PM

Re: Whos right?

Do you think he could still do the reading if they brought the microphone over to him? So that way he could still do it but not have to move around.

Stacey04 Posted: May 13, 2005 12:03 PM

Re: Whos right?

Can't he wait a few more months to make the decision, you wedding is 5 months away.

Mrs. dleeny Posted: May 13, 2005 12:03 PM

Re: Whos right?

IMO, you should let him decide. he might not be in the right frame of mind to be one of the people on 'stage'.

ETA: he probably feels self concious about calling attention to himself.

AnniesSS Posted: May 13, 2005 12:41 PM

Re: Whos right?

It's up to him and if he feels that badly about it.... let him back out.

You could do something nice for him during the reception - either dance with him or something to show how much you care for him

ckgmwedding Posted: May 13, 2005 12:48 PM

Re: Whos right?

I would wait and see how it goes. He may change his mind- and you have plenty of time to ask someone else. I had five of my first choices (relatives) for readers back out due to stage fright. I finally asked one of my best friends and she happily agreed to do it. But I only asked her about two weeks ago so you definately have time to ask someone else later.

cindyandkevin Posted: May 13, 2005 01:04 PM

Re: Whos right?

I think you should respect his decision. I'd prob also be embarassed having to get up there in a cast and god-forbid if he trips or has a hard time with the stairs, esp if it was newly waxed and shiny. You wouldn't want him to hurt it more. I'm sure there are other ways you can incorporate him where he doesn't have so much attention, maybe he could just hand out programs as guests enter. Or make sure everyone signs the guest book.

12-3Princess Posted: May 13, 2005 01:11 PM

Re: Whos right?

I'd let him bow out . . . I undrestand how you feel about wanting him to do the reading, but I'm sure you want the people you care about most to be very comfortable throughout your wedding day as well . . .
That's how I see it anyway... that's why, for example, I am not giving my bridesmaids any requirements for how they look really (other than matching dresses). Having the people I care about most be as comfortable as possible is very important to me... Not that it's the same EXACT question you're facing, but you can see the analogy, right?

I know you really want him up there, but you probably want him to feel good about being there even more, right?

bridetobe Posted: May 13, 2005 01:12 PM

Re: Whos right?

I would let the decision be his. He must be going through alot and probably doesn't need the added stress.

mbm750 Posted: May 13, 2005 02:42 PM

Re: Whos right?

can he read from his seat - just stand up? i saw this recently at a wedding - there were 7 readings and everyone just stood up to read their part. that avoids the walk to the podium altogether.

LuvMyMichael Posted: May 13, 2005 03:01 PM

Re: Whos right?

Posted by bridetobe

I would let the decision be his. He must be going through alot and probably doesn't need the added stress.

I gotta agree jenn.....but I would still stress how much you still would want him to be a part of the day.

AJsMommy122 Posted: May 13, 2005 03:02 PM

Re: Whos right?

Posted by panapoli

Posted by bridetobe

I would let the decision be his. He must be going through alot and probably doesn't need the added stress.

I gotta agree jenn.....but I would still stress how much you still would want him to be a part of the day.

I agree with the above.

divabride Posted: May 13, 2005 03:14 PM

Re: Whos right?

I agree with all of you, I wouldnt want to force him to do something he didnt want to do. But I didnt want him to make that decision on him 'ruining' my day. Unfortunately he found out he will have to go into surgery in a few weeks, so he will still be in a cast for well over 5 months. The way the church is situated, I doubt he will be able to read from his seat. But thank you for you honest opinions and your thoughtful ideas!!

bethpagebride Posted: May 13, 2005 03:42 PM

Re: Whos right?

Would it be possible for him to sit on the altar during the entire ceremony? The reader at my sister's wedding was an elderly woman and sat on the altar next to the lectern the whole time to avoid the walk up as well.

candb Posted: May 13, 2005 04:21 PM

Re: Whos right?

I would respect his decision and pick a different reader.
Maybe you could have him do something different like a blessing during the reception. If he's sitting by the DJ/Band, they can hand him a mike and the table would hide his cast.
Just an idea.