Why must FMIL hurt FH??

My FMIL crushed my poor FH's heart! She is refusing to come to our wedding, and the worst part is we don't know why! She's always been bipolar and HATES HATES her ex husband. FH and her had some rough spots, but since I've dated him they have had a great relationship. He even bought her a camera to encourage her to pursue her dream of becoming a photographer. He supports her in everything!!!

And now she won't even come to our wedding or his college graduation which is the day before. We aren't sure if it's just because his father will be there or because she thinks FH told his brother to move out of his mom's house and move into his father's (which he didn't tell him to do at all). He wants to talk to her, but she refuses to answer the phone or door for him.

He's so crushed. He's absolutely heartbroken and feels like the scum of the Earth. To make matters worse, he's a soldier and will most likely deploy in a few months. Is his own mother not concerned that he may die? Can she really be that cold?

I'm sorry... I'm just so lost. I don't know what to do, or even how to cheer him up really. I hate that I'm stuck in CA while he's going through this!!! Uggh!!! Why is his mother like this?!? Why is she hurting him so?

*please don't quote. I will remove this later

I am so sorry...I don't want to reply in too much detail since you are removing this but that is awful that you both have to go through that.. I can't imagine what this is doing to your fh and I really hope it gets resolved before the wedding!!

First off I want to give you and FH hugs .

Secondly, If she is really bi polar than she may not realize that she is hurting him. She is probably just self preserving. She knows that she and FFIL don't get a long and just doesn't know anything but to protect herself.


I hope everything works out for you.

Thank you girls so much! I know she won't come. Unfortunately, she just really didn't want kids and despise my FH for being the first born... The one to ruin it for her. It makes me so angry!!!!

I just wish I knew how to make him feel better, but I feel like there is nothing that will truely heal you when your mother denies you like that. Has anyone dealt with something similiar? If you have, can you FM me? I wish I had the right words or actions for FH.

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Posted by Jennmolloy

First off I want to give you and FH hugs .

Secondly, If she is really bi polar than she may not realize that she is hurting him. She is probably just self preserving. She knows that she and FFIL don't get a long and just doesn't know anything but to protect herself.


I hope everything works out for you.

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His family and I truly believe she is undiagnosed bi polar. Is this something ppl with bipolar do? protect themselves like that? Caz that may makes sense

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Posted by caligirl87

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Posted by Jennmolloy

First off I want to give you and FH hugs .

Secondly, If she is really bi polar than she may not realize that she is hurting him. She is probably just self preserving. She knows that she and FFIL don't get a long and just doesn't know anything but to protect herself.


I hope everything works out for you.

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His family and I truly believe she is undiagnosed bi polar. Is this something ppl with bipolar do? protect themselves like that? Caz that may makes sense

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Honestly... From my experiences with bi-polar... People do act irrational often but they also do have many moments of clear understanding.. If you say that she will NOT come around no matter what and she has constantly treated him like this then that sounds like a condition that might even be more serious. If she was bi-polar her emotions would be more like a rollar coaster.. I don't know if that helps you at all but whatever it is, it sounds like she has serious issues!

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Posted by caligirl87

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Posted by Jennmolloy

First off I want to give you and FH hugs .

Secondly, If she is really bi polar than she may not realize that she is hurting him. She is probably just self preserving. She knows that she and FFIL don't get a long and just doesn't know anything but to protect herself.


I hope everything works out for you.

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His family and I truly believe she is undiagnosed bi polar. Is this something ppl with bipolar do? protect themselves like that? Caz that may makes sense

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Yes those that I know with bipolar are self preservers. I don't know if it 'medically' the case but I know from people in my family that is how they are.

Again