Wife in crisis
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Wife in crisis
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Re: Wife in crisis
It doesn't sound like he said he didn't think you were a 'catch', etc. I think you are reading too much in to this.
Be confident. You said yourself that you feel attractive, take care of yourself, etc.
Edited: cause I am a skim reader...
Be confident. You said yourself that you feel attractive, take care of yourself, etc.
Edited: cause I am a skim reader...
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Re: Wife in crisis
wait, was he comparing you two girls or between YOU and YOUR DH, who was the more attractive?
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Re: Wife in crisis
Posted by JessicaM.
wait, was he comparing you two girls or between YOU and YOUR DH, who was the more attractive?
oh, yeah. look at that. I think I read that wrong.
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Re: Wife in crisis
Posted by JessicaM.
wait, was he comparing you two girls or between YOU and YOUR DH, who was the more attractive?
I was just going to post this
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Re: Wife in crisis
this sounds like its not about him saying he thinks he's the 'better looking' one, but that you might be going thru some insecurity issues yourself. i really don't think he meant anything about it...just answered the question.
if you think about it, its a teeny bit hyporcritical for you to be crying for days and making a huge deal about this---cause you said that you figured that HE would say that YOU are the more attractive one (or say you were equal.) So technically a part of you that thinks you are a 'catch' to your husband, thinks that you are the 'more attractive' one. are you upset that he said outloud what you were thinking yourself? had he asked you the question, and you said 'well i think we're equal or i'm better than you' and he went nuts about it, would that be fair?
i think you might be associating him making a simple statement to him thinking you're not attractive or something. perhaps he was just having a vain moment. but either way, i don't see the need to dwell for days on it.
if you think about it, its a teeny bit hyporcritical for you to be crying for days and making a huge deal about this---cause you said that you figured that HE would say that YOU are the more attractive one (or say you were equal.) So technically a part of you that thinks you are a 'catch' to your husband, thinks that you are the 'more attractive' one. are you upset that he said outloud what you were thinking yourself? had he asked you the question, and you said 'well i think we're equal or i'm better than you' and he went nuts about it, would that be fair?
i think you might be associating him making a simple statement to him thinking you're not attractive or something. perhaps he was just having a vain moment. but either way, i don't see the need to dwell for days on it.
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Re: Wife in crisis
Posted by JessicaM.
wait, was he comparing you two girls or between YOU and YOUR DH, who was the more attractive?
by the wording of the post--her DH was saying in couples one person is hotter than the other, and her problem is that her DH said that HE was the better looking one in their relationship. she thought he would say that they were equally good looking, or at the very least that SHE was the hot one.
See....
But I am so hurt knowing that my husband doesn’t think I am as attractive as he is
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Re: Wife in crisis
I totally read this wrong too..I thought she meant he was saying that another girl was more attractive than her
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Re: Wife in crisis
xc
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Re: Wife in crisis
Posted by Conflicted
You're right to say that I might be hypocritical but, as a woman, I feel like crap knowing that my husband doesn't find me as attractive as himself.
and i get that, but should he feel like crap knowing that you want to be known as the more attractive one compared to him? that's kind of what you are saying, that YOU should be the hot one, not him. that's where the hypocrisy kind of comes in for me. doesn't mean he doesn't think your hot--like i said, he probably had a brain fart/vain moment and just said that.
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Re: Wife in crisis
k not to be rude or anything but according to your previous post you say your husband is not your soul mate --your soul mate is someone else...
so why does it bother you so much that your husband does not think you are the more attractive one in the relationship ?
YOUR POST -----------
Obviously, I am posting this under a temporary user name but I really need some help.
Please give me some advice for focusing on saving my marriage. I am married to a wonderful man and we share a special relationship but I know deep inside that he is not my soulmate. My true soulmate is someone I was with in the past but because of timing and other circumstances, we never managed to get it together. I spoke with this guy once and I know he feels the same way about me, but we both know nothing can happen so we now have no contact whatsoever. My mind wanders to him from time to time and lately it's been happening again. I always think 'What if..' and all this thought depresses me and distracts me from my husband and my real life. I need to stop dwelling on something that can never be and concentrate on living the marriage I am actually in - which has its faults, but is still really good. Although I can never say I regret marrying my husband and I think our life together is actually a happy and blessed one, I can't help but wonder from time to time about the 'perfect' life I would have had if only I was married to my soulmate. I hate myself for thinking this way. Please help snap me out of it!
so why does it bother you so much that your husband does not think you are the more attractive one in the relationship ?
YOUR POST -----------
Obviously, I am posting this under a temporary user name but I really need some help.
Please give me some advice for focusing on saving my marriage. I am married to a wonderful man and we share a special relationship but I know deep inside that he is not my soulmate. My true soulmate is someone I was with in the past but because of timing and other circumstances, we never managed to get it together. I spoke with this guy once and I know he feels the same way about me, but we both know nothing can happen so we now have no contact whatsoever. My mind wanders to him from time to time and lately it's been happening again. I always think 'What if..' and all this thought depresses me and distracts me from my husband and my real life. I need to stop dwelling on something that can never be and concentrate on living the marriage I am actually in - which has its faults, but is still really good. Although I can never say I regret marrying my husband and I think our life together is actually a happy and blessed one, I can't help but wonder from time to time about the 'perfect' life I would have had if only I was married to my soulmate. I hate myself for thinking this way. Please help snap me out of it!
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Re: Wife in crisis
it sounds like you are upset that you got taken down a notch.
honestly, if he's into you and attracted to you, it doesn't matter if he thinks you are Gisele Bundchen or Ugly Betty. your husband thinking you are better looking than he is doesn't mean SQUAT.
be happy you have someone that loves you and wants you, even if you're not as hot as you used to be.
and good call, Nic.
honestly, if he's into you and attracted to you, it doesn't matter if he thinks you are Gisele Bundchen or Ugly Betty. your husband thinking you are better looking than he is doesn't mean SQUAT.
be happy you have someone that loves you and wants you, even if you're not as hot as you used to be.
and good call, Nic.
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Re: Wife in crisis
Posted by JessicaM.
it sounds like you are upset that you got taken down a notch.
honestly, if he's into you and attracted to you, it doesn't matter if he thinks you are Gisele Bundchen or Ugly Betty. your husband thinking you are better looking than he is doesn't mean SQUAT.
be happy you have someone that loves you and wants you, even if you're not as hot as you used to be.
and good call, Nic.
ditto. and glad you found that previous post Nic, didn't even think to check previous posts.
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Re: Wife in crisis
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Re: Wife in crisis
Posted by Conflicted
I'm really not sure what the soul mate post has to do with this. I was brave enough to admit in a previous post something that was troubling me at one point in my life. I obviously worked through it otherwise I wouldn't still be with my husband or care about what he thinks. I think it is cruel to have that thrown in my face. Just because I said my husband is not my soul mate does not mean that I don't love him dearly and care about what he thinks of me. You really shouldn't judge because you may go through a rough patch in your relationship too some day. I just posted this to get some advice and perspective. I would prefer to leave the past where it belongs.
I did not marry my soul mate for my 1st marriage. I had issues the whole marriage. We did love each other at the beginning but there were too many obstacles. We really did not belong together. Too different! At some point, you have to look at it objectivelly and realize you made a mistake. There was a lot of self-estime issues. My ex thought he looked SO much better than I did. He did not mean it in a bad way. But things were always that way. One was better than the other and with ALL the other issues....it did not help. Lots of cries, hurt feelings, etc... nobody wanted to hurt each other but we were so different that in the end, it was too overwhelming. It was just one thing after another.
Of course, I am sure whether this relate to your situation.
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Re: Wife in crisis
I think there is a power struggle happening – either in actuality or in your mind.
Initially you indicated that your husband was not your soulmate. You had relegated him to some sort of ‘2nd Class’ status. I think you may have been unintentionally stealing from an old lyric – “if you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with”. This thought process puts you ahead of him – in charge and in power to some degree. Even if the power is only something that you feel, it is there and it gave you some confidence. That confidence led you into a conversation where you were certain your ego would be bolstered further. Check out how you approached the subject .. you asked if he thought you guys were equal or if he thought you were hotter. There was not 3rd option. You clearly never anticipated that he would think he was better looking. When he brought it up – you were devastated because of that ever so subtle shift in power. Suddenly you are not holding all the aces. Suddenly there is the miniscule thought that you may not be in the position of ultimate control and that just MAYBE… maybe he doesn’t think you are his soulmate either.
I promise I don’t want to hurt your feelings – but you need to understand that you will not always be in control. Marriage isn’t always ‘equal’ as we may want it to be… the balance is constantly changing. I think you just experienced your first drop of the see saw and you are reeling a bit from the change in altitude. Hopefully – if you are going to have a truly successful marriage – you will be put back up again… and next time you might be prepared for the drop.
And – in case anyone is wondering – my husband is WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY hotter than me. And it doesn’t bother me one iota.
Initially you indicated that your husband was not your soulmate. You had relegated him to some sort of ‘2nd Class’ status. I think you may have been unintentionally stealing from an old lyric – “if you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with”. This thought process puts you ahead of him – in charge and in power to some degree. Even if the power is only something that you feel, it is there and it gave you some confidence. That confidence led you into a conversation where you were certain your ego would be bolstered further. Check out how you approached the subject .. you asked if he thought you guys were equal or if he thought you were hotter. There was not 3rd option. You clearly never anticipated that he would think he was better looking. When he brought it up – you were devastated because of that ever so subtle shift in power. Suddenly you are not holding all the aces. Suddenly there is the miniscule thought that you may not be in the position of ultimate control and that just MAYBE… maybe he doesn’t think you are his soulmate either.
I promise I don’t want to hurt your feelings – but you need to understand that you will not always be in control. Marriage isn’t always ‘equal’ as we may want it to be… the balance is constantly changing. I think you just experienced your first drop of the see saw and you are reeling a bit from the change in altitude. Hopefully – if you are going to have a truly successful marriage – you will be put back up again… and next time you might be prepared for the drop.
And – in case anyone is wondering – my husband is WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY hotter than me. And it doesn’t bother me one iota.
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Re: Wife in crisis
Posted by rojerono
And – in case anyone is wondering – my husband is WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY hotter than me. And it doesn’t bother me one iota.
mine too.
and I agree with everything you said.
it's a tough pill...but it's a taste of your own medicine. you must swallow and let it disolve.
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Re: Wife in crisis
RoRo, you are so freaking smart and sensible. Cindy, you have company in the sense making arena. ![]()
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Re: Wife in crisis
Posted by rojerono
I think there is a power struggle happening – either in actuality or in your mind.
Initially you indicated that your husband was not your soulmate. You had relegated him to some sort of ‘2nd Class’ status. I think you may have been unintentionally stealing from an old lyric – “if you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with”. This thought process puts you ahead of him – in charge and in power to some degree. Even if the power is only something that you feel, it is there and it gave you some confidence. That confidence led you into a conversation where you were certain your ego would be bolstered further. Check out how you approached the subject .. you asked if he thought you guys were equal or if he thought you were hotter. There was not 3rd option. You clearly never anticipated that he would think he was better looking. When he brought it up – you were devastated because of that ever so subtle shift in power. Suddenly you are not holding all the aces. Suddenly there is the miniscule thought that you may not be in the position of ultimate control and that just MAYBE… maybe he doesn’t think you are his soulmate either.
I promise I don’t want to hurt your feelings – but you need to understand that you will not always be in control. Marriage isn’t always ‘equal’ as we may want it to be… the balance is constantly changing. I think you just experienced your first drop of the see saw and you are reeling a bit from the change in altitude. Hopefully – if you are going to have a truly successful marriage – you will be put back up again… and next time you might be prepared for the drop.
And – in case anyone is wondering – my husband is WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY hotter than me. And it doesn’t bother me one iota.
Marriage isn't always about being equal, there's a balance. Some things DH is stronger in, and other areas I'm stronger in; it's about meshing well together; not necessarily being at the 'same' level.
Really, crying for DAYS over something as little as this?? I don't mean to be harsh, but that kind of behavior makes me think that you're very vain and could probably use a good reality check.
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Re: Wife in crisis
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