Ok so, part of me and my FH's problem is narrowing down the number of guests. In particular, FH wants to invite a lot of people from work (22 people). With guests, that adds up to 44 people! That is just too many given that we also have a ton of family. It COULD work if we were to invite the co-workers without guests (so just 22 of them).
Do you guys think that is rude? And also, even if we were to do that, how can we ensure that they understand that they are not invited with a guest? I was once invited without a guest to something and the couple actually filled out my response card for me with a number 1. I didn't think it was rude, but I was much younger at the time. Is that rude?
HotAir
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Re: Will This Be Rude?
A lot of people take offense when they are not invited with a guest. You may want to have your FH discuss it with them prior to inviting them. Once it's explained most people are OK with it and if they aren't then they may just say no.
MJDoc12
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Re: Will This Be Rude?
honestly i would tell your FH to simmer on the work guests for right now. he should not mention the wedding to them at all for awhile.
you have a lil over a year until your wedding and trust me, you WILL have more guests that you will want to invite among friends and family. (as well as your parents and in-laws wanting to invite ppl) you should all draw up some preliminary guest lists to get an idea of what you have. work friends should be at the bottom of the list.
if your list can accomodate some work ppl, then FH should figure out a couple of ppl he wants to come more than anyone else. if work friends are engaged or married, they will most likely be offended if you invite them w/o a guest.
JACK808
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Re: Will This Be Rude?
I do not think it is rude at all. You want your coworkers to be part of your day, but let's face it you can't invite everyone and you need to prioritize your guest list - totally understandable IMO.
That being said, several girls I work with have invited people to their weddings using this method, and while I and many others completely understood and did not question it at all, just be aware that from my experienec there are probably going to be a few that will complain and try to get you to allow them to bring a date.
I would never assume I was able to bring a guest unless my invite specifically said 'and guest' but unfortunately that does not mean everyone follows this etiquette, although I'm not really sure how you head that problem off other than to just be honest about your situation.
adamluvsericka
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we are having issues with this too...we are trying to set a rule with guests -
if you live with significant other, are engaged, married or dating more than a year...but if not then no guest allowed. it's a tough stand to take, but an extra 22 people for you means at least two extra tables - that means two extra centerpieces, and not mention the plates.
BNBride60
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I know, it's sooooo tough :(
THe problem is, FH has been at the same job for 9 years. He feels like a lot of these people are a big part of his life. Problem is, we REALLY need to keep our list at 200 people (meanwhile my aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents alone are 70 people). I really think he should just keep it to those closest to him, but he is having a lot of trouble figuring out where to draw the line without offending people.
The reason I thought nobody would really care (or most people) is because when they're at work, they have no spouses with them. So, if they're all together nobody will be uncomfortable for not having a date since they're all sitting together and socializing exactly like they would at work. I don't know if that rationale is crazy. Maybe I should suggest to him that he should flat out asking them how they'd feel about that...it's bound to be awkward no matter how we deal with this!!!
adamluvsericka
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Yes, 9 years is a long time! Can't blame him for wanting to invite all the people he has known for so long. But maybe first start with the people he reports to, and go down the list from there. or if he is part of a specific team, then just the people on his team (ie. i work in advertising, and I have a team for my brand - i would only invite them and my direct report, even though I am friends with people who work on different brands) But, for those that are married, i would say they at least should be able to bring their spouse - wouldn't you want to bring yours? just my thoughts - hope they help!
BNBride60
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Re: Will This Be Rude?
Posted by adamluvserica Yes, 9 years is a long time! Can't blame him for wanting to invite all the people he has known for so long. But maybe first start with the people he reports to, and go down the list from there. or if he is part of a specific team, then just the people on his team (ie. i work in advertising, and I have a team for my brand - i would only invite them and my direct report, even though I am friends with people who work on different brands) But, for those that are married, i would say they at least should be able to bring their spouse - wouldn't you want to bring yours? just my thoughts - hope they help!
FH works in advertising too!! He's actually relatively high up the chain (at least for his department) and only has one direct report. He is the manager of the studio, so he reports to the Director of Graphic Services. So, basically these people he wants to invite everyone who works FOR him. Nobody outside the studio - just the people in it (graphic artists, group assistants, etc.).
I understand what you're saying about wanting to bring your spouse if married, and I think you're right. I think I need to bring to his attention how this might be perceived as VERY rude by some people. I guess the question for them is - would you feel better to be invited alone or not be invited at all! Not sure how he can politely get the answer to that, but I guess it's the solution.
adamluvsericka
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cool! where does he work? I work on the media side in planning at the mediaedge:cia in the city.
BNBride60
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He works at the Kaplan Thaler Group in the city. You might know it - they're pretty big I think. Some of theihr clients are Herbal Essences, Aflac, Revlon (they may have lost that account recently though, can't remember), Pfizer. He was actually on the Apprentice twice (for like 30 seconds each time, lol) because his agency is where the contestants did their challenges for the Pontiac Solstice and for Lambourgini. He got to lead the teams both times, and both times his team won!
FalNBill
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Re: Will This Be Rude?
People can be invited without a guest,,, and it's not rude & they should not be offened. Everyone knows weddings are really expensive... For the single guests the response card could read, 'I ------------- will be able to attend -----------------will not be able to attend'
So there is no question about a guest or not.
BNBride60
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I'd like to think they will all understand that we're not trying to be rude - we're trying to be SO NICE. We're trying to make sure that everyone that works for him is invited because he does care about them and wants them to be a part of our day. But, like everyone has said, this stuff is EXPENSIVE and to add 44 more people to our list...well that will totally defeat our motto of 'debt free in 2008'! Lol!
adamluvsericka
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Re: Will This Be Rude?
Posted by Jess125483
He works at the Kaplan Thaler Group in the city. You might know it - they're pretty big I think. Some of theihr clients are Herbal Essences, Aflac, Revlon (they may have lost that account recently though, can't remember), Pfizer. He was actually on the Apprentice twice (for like 30 seconds each time, lol) because his agency is where the contestants did their challenges for the Pontiac Solstice and for Lambourgini. He got to lead the teams both times, and both times his team won!
i have heard of it, but have not worked with them - not sure if any of our other clients have - my team works with Y&R for creative - also JWT, BBDO (funny how they are all initials - haha!)
ok, it's way past my bedtime, this site is so addicting! good night girls!
PegaLega
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Re: Will This Be Rude?
I would definitely tell him to cut that list-its kind of out of the ordinary to invite them without guests, I mean how many of them have wives? Or fiance(es) that would feel if they were invited they were invited with them-thats customary.
Just dont mention the wedding to them until it gets closer to the time to send them out.
medic6809
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Re: Will This Be Rude?
My 2 cents..........If my husband was invited to a wedding and I could not come I would be p*****, and I think if you really think about it you would be too. Ask him to narrow it down to the people who know the 2 of you the best, not just him. Yes guest lists are hard and a pain in the butt, but invite people who matter to you both and not out of obligation. Joe and I have worked at our company for me 5yrs him 11yrs, and we invited 2 people. 2 people. Now we see MANY more and are close to about 30, however, those 2 people made an impact on our day and it was better BECAUSE they were there. The other 28 said congrats and have moved on just fine. Bottom line....to not invite someones husband, wife, or significant other is rude and offensive and down right disrespectfull. sorry i'm a bad speller
waterspout4
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I wouldn't worry about it now. You have plenty of time. Co-workers don't need to be 'invited' with over a year to go. You never know who will leave the job by then, or who you won't necessarily be friends with. Our list changed a TON in the year before our wedding. It's just best to keep your mouth shut until 4 months ahead, or less.
Also, we only invited co-workers with guests if they were married or engaged. If they were single (or just dating), they were invited alone.
firesign75
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Re: Will This Be Rude?
if they didn't already have a significant other they don't get invited with a guest. I have an extremely large family so what I did is only if my singles were in a relationship for a while did I invite them with a guest
Happybride2005
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if my dh got a wedding invite and my name wasn't on it, i think i would be offended
BoxOfRocks
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I agree with the other posters to shelve the co-worker question for now. You have plenty of time and who knows how the working relationship might change between now and then.
Just curious, does your FI socialize with his colleagues and their SOs outside of work (? I mean really socialize--have dinner, invite each other to parties at their homes, etc., not after-work happy hours.
Hey, if it makes you feel better, Jerry Seinfeld didn't invite any of the other three stars of 'Seinfeld' to his wedding. He (as producer) was also their boss and typically sitcom actors work 12-14 hour days. The show was on for eight years, right? That's a lot of interaction that resulted in no invitation, you know?
