As an Ex-cop who is engaged to a current cop (NYPD) it DOES get 'better'. I say better in quotes b/c it is not a peachy time by any means, but easier than the academy (no studying, no gym, etc). He may have a differnt schedule than you, as do FH and I now-he works Tu-Sa 5:30pm-2am I work M-F 8am -5:30pm and we DON'T live together. FH's brother graduated the academy this past Jan, he's been flip flopping 1 week 8pm-4am the next 12pm-8pm. His wife had a tough time adjusting to that.
Know that there are a NUMBER of ladies on here in the same situation. Another one to chat with is Gina (gina674) she is a cop (and a sweetheart, gem of a gal!!
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We're all here for each other to lend support, lend an ear, lend a shoulder to cry on, whatever is needed!!!
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to you and Congrats to you FH!!!
-Jill
I can't stress what Jill said enough.....my situation is just the opposite of yours. I am the cop (5 years with NYPD --South Bronx--midnights) and FH is constantly upset and stressed about me, my job, our lives, etc... It definitely gets 'better' after the academy, but it will always be stressful. The academy is definitely the worst part of the process.
BUT, when he graduates, you will need to keep on top of him to make sure he doesn't fall into the trap of work, sleep, work, sleep, work, sleep......you need to make sure he finds time for family and friends. There are many guys who are constantly fighting with their wives b/c all they ever do is sleep when they get home....the wives cook, clean, take care of the kids, etc with no help from their husbands.....Yes, the stress of the job does a lot to our bodies, and there are some weeks where the only things we see are the patrol cars and our beds but when there is no outside 'life', this is when marriages begin to fail.
So, continue to be supportive, listen, and try not to 'push' him too hard during those times.....and make sure you enjoy every minute with him when he is fully available emotionally and physically....b/c those times are sometimes rare. Use those days to do silly things together, grab a bite to eat, enjoy the sunset, and do the little things we forget to do after being together for so long. Even if you are upset with him, or you're fighting over some little thing, when you see he has two or three days off.....use the time together wisely.
Make sure you keep the lines of communication fully open.....although office affairs are common, infidelity among cops, firefighters, and other high-stress civil service work is rampent. As long as you and FH have a very open and honest relationship.....your marriage will survive the odds. Don't harp on him about going 'out with the guys' once a week for a drink or two and expect that there will be some 'cop functions' that he will attend without you. FH knows that this is part of the 'job' and has come to accept it....I tell him exactly where I am and who I am with--and let him know what time I'll be home around. Even if it's 5 in the morning....he trusts me implicitly and you should continue to trust your FH as long as he gives you reason to. His personality will probably change, his habits at home will probably change.....and it's a very big adjustment to go through.....but it CAN be done. Just make sure you continue to talk to him and he does the same.
Those are my suggestions....as Jill and Gina said---we are all here to listen, support, and help you as much as we can.....each of us with our own perspective on the job (mine, Jill's, and Gina's are first-hand)....and there are many other 'cop wives' on this board who can lend an ear--who may or may not know the 'in's and out's' of the job. (I personally feel that sometimes it's better for the wives -or husbands-not to know everything)....but that's JMO.
Congrats and best of luck......it will get 'better'--we promise.
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