I don't think I am a bridezilla nor am I being all that demanding of my BM's or my wedding in general. I am not spending loads of money comparatively BUT I am picky about certain things, especially when it comes to the ambiance and creative aspects of the wedding.
I am really looking forward to the church ceremony and decided to spend extra money on a solo violinist as I walk down the aisle. Now FH's sister, once again, is demanding that his nephew's wife bring the baby. FH's nephew is in the wedding and it will be a long day: 2:30 ceremony, 4pm Old Westbury Gardens, 6:30pm cocktail hour and reception until 11:30pm.
I hate to sound mean but why bring a baby to an all day affair especially since the father is very involved in the wedding? Mostly, I am freaked out that this baby will gurgle and cry throughout my entire wedding ceremony that will be videotaped and I hate to be the bad guy but I wanted the solo violinist to sound beautiful for a reason.
Some people are so laid back they don't understand so I'm not getting the validation I need but I am so annoyed, first that I am being bullied into this and that the baby will cry and ruin my ceremony.
Does anyone out there get it? Maybe it's stress in general but I feel so irked I could spit! My mother and sister are pissed too.
piscescutie2002
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Re: Worked up about baby at my church ceremony
I just read a similar post about another bride's concerns but it seemed most people weren't supportive and I don't want to get beat up on here.
I love kids. My ring bearer is 2 years old and may not cooperate along with the 3 year old flower girl but that may make it memorable and cute. I am just afraid that my entire ceremony will be ruined with the sound of a baby crying, forever captured on video. But naturally, to say anything about kids makes a person an ogre not realizing the amount of money being doled out for this once in a life time event.
In fact, I think it's rather bold and inconsiderate for someone to insist on bringing a baby as they are by nature very disruptive and no bride would be happy about their ceremony being disrupted. People can feign modesty all they want. To say they wouldn't be annoyed in the least is not likely true.
LoveyDovey
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Re: Worked up about baby at my church ceremony
i feel the same way you do...
my gf had the baby walk down her aisle at the church...and then someone watched the baby in a separate room during the ceremony.
I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. I personally do not think children belong at a wedding, for the sake of the bride and for the sake of the parents. It's difficult to enjoy a party when you're chasing after a kid.
I thought about not having a ring bearer or flower girl just to avoid this.
I would politely and sincerely talk to her and maybe suggest a babysitter for the day? there must be someone out there you can throw a couple bucks to, to babysit
Soon2BRomeo
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Re: Worked up about baby at my church ceremony
I went to FBIL's wedding last year and they requested that I not bring our daughter b/c FBIL wife had the same concern. B/C it was her wedding I respected her wishes. Also the only children at the wedding were the flower girl and ringer barer. IDK if this is the same case for you but, if it is you can use this as argument. Your FH should back you up on this unless he feels it is important for the baby to be there. Also I know Mom' s love their chidren, but do you know if she truly want to bring the baby wih her. She will have to watch a baby all night and won't be able to let her hair down and have some adult fun. Maybe you should she what her feelings are and she if it is her wish or your fsil trying to be the torn in your side. I hope this helps!!
runnerbride1023
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Re: Worked up about baby at my church ceremony
I am with you. I do not think Children belong at weddings. When I was little I was never invited and my parents had no qualms about finding a sitter for me. Speak to FH and then speak to the parents.
xela
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Re: Worked up about baby at my church ceremony
Babies are very unpredictable and you really never know when they'll act-up. I have one at home so I understand. If I were you, I'd insist she leave the baby at home w/ a sitter during the ceremony. If she wants to bring the baby to the reception...I'd let her.
futuremrsreilly
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Re: Worked up about baby at my church ceremony
OMG i am in the same boat. I totally hear you. I would just say NO!
My situation is a little bit sticky because it happens to be my sister (who hasn't had the baby yet) and she is also my maid of honor. I do not see the purpose of having a 5 month old in the church during the ceremony ESPECIALLY when both the mother and father(my BIL is a groomsmen) are in the ceremony.....I am paranoid the baby is going to start screaming and completely ruin my concentration on the moment. My mom doesn't seem to get it but FH;s family is totally with me. My bil's mom even understands...she volunteered to come up from Maryland to watch the baby for the whole weekend for them! NO BABIES ALLOWED!!!
ETA: I dont think having the baby at the reception would bother me as much but I still dont see the point. Ugh this is so hard because its my sister and I love her...and I will love the baby...but really 5 month old at a wedding? haha..the parents wont even be able to hold her! Again...
Michy2009
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Re: Worked up about baby at my church ceremony
I am probably no help, but growing up, I never remember people having kids at their weddings...it was considered an adult only affair. Now it seems every wedding you go to their is a group of kids running around.
No, I do not hate kids...I have one of my own....I just dont think they belong at a wedding.
You absolutely have the right to be concerned! Maybe you can find out if there is someplace (a 'crying room' we call it) where someone can go with the baby, if she gets going making noise?
Lsorrent
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Re: Worked up about baby at my church ceremony
Unfortunately you can't control who gets to come to the church and who doesn't. Remember even strangers off the street can come into your ceremony at a church.
However, I don't think babies belong at the reception. The only children we are having in the wedding are my FG, and my two RB's who are my nephews. They will be 2 1/2, 4 1/2, and 8 at the time.
rdubs
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Re: Worked up about baby at my church ceremony
I think that having a babysitter for the day (especially if the couple lives in the area) is more than reasonable. No reason the baby should be in your church being disruptive. I love kids too but would never want at my wedding (nor would the parents).
MrsLaT2be
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Re: Worked up about baby at my church ceremony
I don't think babies belong at a ceremony. I respectfully told one of my friends to not bring her 5 month old to my engagement party because I was afraid the baby was going to cry during my father's toast. I also put it in a way where she would probably be happy to have an evening out without the baby... a break she definitely needed.
I think you should just say that the only children at the wedding are going to be in the bridal party --- and your other guests, who also have children, would be offended if they saw the baby there and were told they couldn't bring their children. It wouldn't look right.
Gotta play the 'fair' game.
AwaitingAugust
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Re: Worked up about baby at my church ceremony
Posted by Michy2009 You absolutely have the right to be concerned! Maybe you can find out if there is someplace (a 'crying room' we call it) where someone can go with the baby, if she gets going making noise?
that's what i was going to say .... if she MUST bring the baby for whatever reason, tell her she can bring the baby to the ceremony BUT if the baby starts crying, she has to take him to another room.
but better yet would be for her to leave the baby at home
Cacarina
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Re: Worked up about baby at my church ceremony
How old is the baby? I had my 4 month old nephew at my wedding ceremony and I didn't even know he was there until I heard just a quick little coo and I was like, 'Oh, Marcus is here!' I was actually happy (probably because I am totally in love with him.) But, I understand your concerns...however....don't you think the mother of the baby would be smart enough and considerate enough to take the baby out of the church if he/she starts making lots of noise? Just have her sit near the door so she can make a quick exit.
I understand your concern, but try not to get worked up over it. Try to find a solution that will make everyone happy!
Future Mrs H
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Re: Worked up about baby at my church ceremony
Does your church have a crying room? alot of them do now- mine does. if so then she can bring the baby in there and she can still see and hear the ceremony
halfbaked
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Re: Worked up about baby at my church ceremony
Personally, I love kids and I couldn't imagine telling a mother to leave her kid at home. I would *hope* that this woman has enough brains to sit toward the back and discreetly duck outside if the baby acts up!
RPMG26599
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Re: Worked up about baby at my church ceremony
I say dont sweat the small stuff......
if the child cries, im sure the mother/father would step outside.
Karsav7096
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Re: Worked up about baby at my church ceremony
Posted by RPMG26599
I say dont sweat the small stuff......
if the child cries, im sure the mother/father would step outside.
ITA I STRESSEDDDDDDDD about my brothers kids ages 4 and 7 they are WILD and LOUD and I imagined the worst and the day of the were perfect. I would address my concerns with the parents and nicely ask them to remove the baby if the baby starts to cry.
Once again don't sweat the small stuff everything always works out in the end!!
jackieee
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Re: Worked up about baby at my church ceremony
Try to relax. When babies cry in the church, the mother (or someone) usually brings the baby to the back of the church or outside. I'm sure it will be fine. Try not to stress yourself out. If they want their baby their, it will be their responsible to take care of the situation if the baby cries.
FutureCap
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Re: Worked up about baby at my church ceremony
i think it is really hard to control who comes to the ceremony... people who are not even invited to the wedding tend to show up. I am not sure you can really make rules on church... but most parents would walk out of the church if their child makes noise, so hopefully she will be respectful if that happens
I totally agree that wedding receptions are no place for children, our invites actually say 'Adult Reception' we limited ours to our FG's and RB's who are our only immediate nieces and nephews - 5 kids total. i love kids more than anything, but that is just not the place to have 30 kids running around... me and FH for one would not be able to enjoy ourselves. I really don't care about kids in church tho!
FutureJOC
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Re: Worked up about baby at my church ceremony
IMO i wouldn't care about the babies at the ceremony. I am almost certain my nephew (RB and will be 2 years old at the time of the wedding) will probably have an outburst or two because that the curse of the 'terrible 2s' but I couldn't see our wedding without him there. I have also been to a couple of weddings where there was a kid there and they had a sudden urge to yell out something or do something but everyone just laughed about it b/c it was cute.
I can understand your concern though about the disruption because of the $$ you spent on the violinist. Maybe just suggest to them or have someone else suggest to them that they should stay towards the back of the church in case he gets out of hand and they can go right outside.
