Working moms: If you could stay home, would you?

CathyB Posted: Jan 22, 2005 05:14 PM

Working moms: If you could stay home, would you?

I am very fortunate in that we don't need my salary. I had planned on staying home with my child, as my mom did when my brother and I were growing up.

I have friends who are moms who tell me that I'm going to be bored if I'm not working at least part time.

Added to the mix, one of my friends told me about a job that just opened at her company that I would be a great fit for and she really wants me to apply for. But I really don't think I want to work full time anymore.

Now I'm torn. I've been working since I was 16, so the thought that I won't have a job next month is a little weird.

Any thoughts/advice? Thanks.

JimmysBride Posted: Jan 22, 2005 05:36 PM

Re: Working moms: If you could stay home, would you?

To answer your question: even if I could stay home, no I would not. I think it's great that alot of women do this, and I believe it's REALLY great for the kids, but I know that I would go nuts if I didn't work. And THAT would be no good for the kids!!

I need to have a life outside of the house. I need to have a personality other than 'mom'. I need to have adult conversations and things to do with myself other than cleaning and mothering. And, as much as DH says he would LOVE for me to be a SAHM, I know that in the end he would not like me that way.

So... it really comes down to YOUR personality and how you feel you'd be happiest. You shouldn't totally sacrifice your happiness and stay home because your kids will sense your unhappiness and it will translate into every part of your life. So if working makes you happy -- by all means be a working mom!

On the other hand, there are women who feel that being a SAHM is what they were born to do and THAT is what will truly make them happy. They feel that is the only job they need to complete them so that is what they should do.

Good luck - this is a tough decision but you have a luxury that most of us don't -- a choice in the matter. Because your salary is not needed, you can experiment with working part time and if you hate it - quit!

michele31 Posted: Jan 22, 2005 05:50 PM

Re: Working moms: If you could stay home, would you?

There are pros and cons about being a working mom or a SAHM. Neither situation is perfect. Both are stressful. There are some women who need and/or want financial independance or the respect that comes with a certain profession, others have worked for years such as a doctor who just do not want to give that all up.
IMO a working mom has double duty, every day. That is the part that I find most difficult. It is hard to juggle working, my daughter, my husband, my home, my cat, the laundry, cooking, cleaning etc...A SAHM takes the outside working part out of the equation so you are not worried about a boss AND your family. But SAHM sometimes lack adult interaction and if they are used to working that can be a huge adjustment. I think also being a weathly SAHM is very different than an average SAHM. A lot of the playgroups like Gymboree are very expensive and going to lunches with friends etc..all add up.
Here is my thinking go for the job, try it out for 3 months and if you don't like working, then quit. Experience being a SAHM during your maternity leave. Then you will know which you like best.

Matt'sbride Posted: Jan 22, 2005 07:13 PM

Re: Working moms: If you could stay home, would you?

I will probably work as well after our little one arrives in May....I am a little nervous about balancing everything - I already got DH to agree to a cleaning woman once the baby gets here - anything else the working moms would recommend to help with the major balancing act you guys alread do???!!!?

Samanthas Mom Posted: Jan 22, 2005 08:02 PM

Re: Working moms: If you could stay home, would you?

I wish I had that choice

michele31 Posted: Jan 22, 2005 08:14 PM

Re: Working moms: If you could stay home, would you?

To help balance....I think it is about learning that the house does not have to be perfect. A cleaning women is a HUGE help. I have my best friend's 17 year old clean my house 2X a month and it makes those week so nice for me...no floors to mop unless there is a mishap.

Cooking 2 meatloads instead of 1 (eat one, freeze one), make a big pot of sauce and divide and freeze, stuff like that. I think after spending a long day at work all you want to do is spend time with the baby. Preparing some meals on the weekend or cooking in bulk can really make life easier. I usually make enough to have left overs one night too.

Still make time for a girl's night or a lunch with a friend or just a bubble bath once in a while. You still need time to be yourself, not just a wife and mom and worker.

swags1016 Posted: Jan 22, 2005 08:56 PM

Re: Working moms: If you could stay home, would you?

Right now I do not have a choice but I am fortunate that I do not have to go back to work until September once the baby is born. I think that I would like to try and stay home at least the first 2 years but again it's not an option for us either.

lele4me Posted: Jan 22, 2005 09:13 PM

Re: Working moms: If you could stay home, would you?

In a heartbeat..I would love to stay home. while I do love my job I would love to stay home for the first 5 years. Unfortunately my salary is the bigger of the two.

dawnie Posted: Jan 23, 2005 10:52 AM

Re: Working moms: If you could stay home, would you?

I would quit in a second! Even though I feel very lucky that my mom will be watching the baby it is going to kill me to leave the baby and go back to work!

MrsTC Posted: Jan 23, 2005 11:14 AM

Re: Working moms: If you could stay home, would you?

That would be a dream come true for me I am considering working part time (if we can swing it) when the time comes.

DKA1026 Posted: Jan 23, 2005 11:18 AM

Re: Working moms: If you could stay home, would you?

I think it really depends on your personality. Some women are very 'motherly' and are just naturally good at being home with their children all day. In this situation, I think that the baby as well as the mother can benefit from this.
Other women would be happier if they had a different situation. I'm pretty adaptable. I did the SAHM thing for 6 months and it was great. If I had the option, I would definitely stay home with my daughter, but probably try and fit some work in there somewhere. Now, I work full time which is okay, but it is very tiring. I wish I could be home with my daughter more, but I do enjoy having a career and fulfilling that aspect of my personality.
For me, the best of both worlds would be to work part-time. I strongly believe it's healthy for a woman to get out of the house and do something else that she finds fulfilling if she has that need. I also think it's best for a baby to have happy parents, so whatever makes the mother and father happy is what I would go for. Maybe you can try to work part time for awhile and see if you enjoy it.

Monkeybride Posted: Jan 23, 2005 11:53 AM

Re: Working moms: If you could stay home, would you?

I think yes but I couldn't say for sure how much I would like in until I tried.
While I often dread going to work when I am off for a long time I long to go back but I wonder if that is only because I don't have something else occupying my time.

I will have the option of working PT but ideally I should work FT for a year or two so DH and I can be debt free. We are working hard at paying off student loans but there is no way we can finish completely in the next 9 months.

I plan to try FT while my mom watches the baby but if it is too hard I will work PT and we'll come up with Plan B for paying off the loans.

emilain Posted: Jan 23, 2005 02:12 PM

Re: Working moms: If you could stay home, would you?

Some days YES and some days NO! The days that the kids are angels I never want to leave, the days that they smear jelly and chocolate all over the walls and fight all day, I feel the need to call my job and ask to work a shift!

I'm lucky enough to work part time which I feel is a great balance, I definitely could not be home all the time, I'd be too bored, I need to be in the trenches dealing with crisis' and constantly on the move and that is what my work entails!

CathyB Posted: Jan 23, 2005 04:41 PM

Re: Working moms: If you could stay home, would you?

Thanks to everyone for your responses. It's nice to hear the perspective of people who are working both full time and part time. I know it will help me think through all my options.

lorimari Posted: Jan 23, 2005 05:57 PM

Re: Working moms: If you could stay home, would you?

I just quit my job to become a SAHM - I was supposed to go back to work on Monday and I just couldn't do it. I didn't want my daughter smiling and laughing at someone else all day. I didn't and don't want to miss her first laugh, first crawl, first steps, etc. I just couldn't bear to hear it from someone else. But I'm also a homebody - I like being home so this is right for me.

DH and I definitely have to make a TON of sacrifices and I will have to work but will be doing it from home and at night.