Worried about FH (kinda long, sorry:)

I'm a little worried about FH. He's been really down. I'm especially worried b/c he's been really down that one of his friends (his best friend) never calls anymore or gets in touch. I've tried to explain that since we live an hour and a half away he prob. doesn't feel able to just 'get together'. Plus, he's married and they are about to have a baby, and the wife won't ever let him out of her site (I don't understand why women do that?). So, it's harder for him and he's busy. FH would try to talk to him, but he really can never see him w/out the friends wife there, and he doesn't want to do it over the phone. (A special note to wives-give your guys some guy time-their friends will like you better!)

It doesn't help that FH has been at the office 12 hour days lately b/c of a project his boss dumped on him, and now we're 2 months away from our wedding (which we're planning in 7 months total) so I've been busy, and a snippy.

But, he's really down. He's a shy person so he has a few really close friends and not a whole enterage (sp?) of guys to hang out with.

How can I help him? I'm so stressed with school and work that I can't spend every second he's home with him, which is what I feel like he needs...but that isn't healthy either....hmmm...

Is this friend coming to the wedding ? How often do they speak? Is it something where they speak often but never get together, or have they not spoken in ages?

I HATE when wives are like that ! We have friends who, the wife is VERY MUCH like that!
She wont 'let' her husband go out with THE GUYS because she didnt wanna be left home alone (Before kids) and now its the kids as the excuse. Poor guy always has to ask and then has to say 'no, cant go'. I am VERY MUCH the type thats like 'GO GO GO, HAVE FUN !!!' My husband just started playing softball on Sundays and Im so happy that hes doing something that he loves SOOOO MUCH !!! ON Mothers DAy he asked me if I minded that he went to play (he asked the week before) and I was like 'NO WAY !! OF COURSE YOU SHOULD GO !!!!!'
sorry for the tangent

So back to this friend of your FH's. Is this friend 'interested' in the 2 of them conitinuing/maintaining their friendship? Like if you contacted the friend, how would the friend react?
Maybe you can call the friend and say something like 'you guys need a night out, go to XYZ (a place for dinner/drinks?) or maybe buy your FH tickets to a game and call the friend and ask him when HE can also go, and say you are giving FH the tickets as a gift?? (make up an occasion, LOL)

Maybe the 2 of you can make a day trip to somewhere closer to where this guy lives, and if you dont really click with the wife, you can go do something else, and make plans for the guys to hang out. Sometimes guys need a little HELP!

For my wedding, I knew DH wanted an old friend at the wedding, but he hadnt heard from him and felt weird trying to look him up. Well we knew he was a cop. So I wrote a letter to the POlice Commisioner (Bernard Kerik!) and explained my story, lol, and DH's friend was hunted down (I guess by Kerik's secretary, LOL) and he even brought printed out email that went to the PD searching for him 'to come to his old buddy's wedding'. If i had told John that I was doing that he would have killed me, but when he saw the results, he was beyond ecstatic. It was great! Sorry for tangent # 2, LOL.


Good luck !

Hope that helps.

My FH is in a similar situation. When we moved to Boston last year, he was excited to see his old MA friends, but when we got there, they were all much more immature than he had remembered them being, and he felt really let down that he had nothing in common with them anymore. On top of that, our friends from LI don't ever call us in Boston, don't ever come see us, etc. He has had the same LI friends since childhood and lately he has been sad because he feels like he is moving on with his life and no one else is. None of his friends are even remotely close to being married. They don't even have girlfriends, and he feels like he did when he caught up with his Boston friends, as if no one else has grown or done anything that might improve their lives, so now he has nothing in common with them. I just feel so bad for him because I made a lot of friends in MA and I try to include him in the things we do, but it just doesn't take the place of having your OWN friends. My FH is also very shy and has a hard time saying to another guy he doesn't really know, hey wanna hang out? I mean, girls can go shopping, talk on the phone, etc... but for a guy who doesn't drink beer or watch sports, it has got to be so hard to make friends! I don't know what to tell you to do because I am in the same boat as you. But I think it is a common thing for guys to go through. They are just not as good as us girls at hiding it. Hey, maybe we'll introduce my FH to your's! haha. He'd KILL me! Good luck and I know he'll pull out of it!

Rachel,

Sounds like we're in the same boat. This is his best friend from childhood, and they always kept in touch. They didn't see each other much in college, but always kept in touch by e-mail. Then, when he moved back to LI, he felt like his friends were still in high school-so immature. He hung out with them EVERY day, before I moved down here. Then, one of his friends just crossed a line and he stopped hanging out with him, we moved to Brooklyn, his twin brother moved to California, and this friend found a wife who won't let him out of her sight.

He won't talk to this friend about it. Right now his friend wouldn't leave his wife to go to a game or anything...she's 8 months along. Plus, FH would kill me if I talked to his friend behind his back, and I wouldn't do that.

It's so hard for him. He plays softball through work, and has 'friends' at work...but is shy and won't take the step to hang out with them outside of the office/softball so it never grows into a more personal friendship.

He's so sad. And, although I love him and want to be there for him..it's not healthy for me to be his only support system. It's so funny-his friend used to say to me (before he met his wife)...when you move here we'll never see Peter again! So not true, I give him tons of space...now it's his friend we never see

We'll introduce Peter to Frankie and they can play together, because with him being on strike and home I am going to go insane if he does not go out and play at all--lol

Seriously though, right after the wedding (I know that seems off but with friend's wife preg. and the stuff you have to do, it might not be the time) I would tell Peter to make it a point to talk to him.

Thanks Swags. I wish he'd perk up a little so much. For his sake for sure. I'm worried about him terribly and feel sad for him...but also-it's really not fun living with someone who's miserable all the time!

Have you brought him to any LIW GTG's yet? maybe he can meet some of the other hubbies here, I think there have been several GTG's w hubbies.
Did you say that his twin moved to California also??
Thats a big factor too! ARe they close? Im a twin and couldnt BEAR the THOUGHT of living further than I do now from my sister. I sometimes feel this is too far (45miles).

Definately get involved in a few GTG's and hopefully he'll meet some new friends in the neighborhood.

We had the same problem when we moved closer to my job. Most of my husbands friends were in Manhattan and since we are now 'bridge and tunnell' people, we never see them unless we go to NYC.

I scheduled dinners with some of my friends and work associates. Interacting with new people is key and, as a result, my husband has actually formed a friendship with the husband of one of my collegues.

I know its hard - I've been dealing with this too. Feel free to FM me if you want.

I can completely understand what you are talking about. But have no advise to offer.

My DH doesn't have many friends either and it seems like he feels like he doesn't want to impose on his best friend since he has a two small children. Same thing with his brother.

As a result he sits at home, by himself a lot. I am basically his entire social life. If we do something with other people, it's usually with my friends. Although we met a new couple that he really likes hanging out with, it's always couples. The guys never go out for a few drinks or anything.

He rarely goes out without me unless it's to work and has no interest in anything at all. I feel so bad because I can't help but think he's bored but he truly cannot think of one thing that he would want to do - sports, hobby, class, nothing. I just don't understand how someone can be content to do nothing.

For me it's frustrating because I do have interests and hobbies and friends I would like to see more of but then I feel bad if he's sitting at home literally just waiting for me to come home.

I can't even talk to him about it because he'll say go have fun then when it comes around it's what time will you be home? If I want to discuss it, he gets super defensive and then we get into a big fight. I don't know what to do either.

Sorry for hijacking your thread - but I am looking for a similar answer

I think this is interesting, though. I mean, obviously our FH's and DH's are going through something similar. I really think that men just don't know how to be social as they get older. I mean, at least in a relaxed way. They know how to do it for business and what not, but I think it just must be so hard. I don't know. I think we should all bring them to a GTG so they can meet. It will be a little weird for them at first, but they'll get over it!

what if you have the both of them over and then split up - guys do one thing and you both do another??

this might give him a chance to talk to his friend and hang out - while you 'occupy' his wife!!

(and i hate people who can't let go of their sig. other too!)

my fiance doesnt have a whole group of friends either. but the best thing that has helped him is playing sports. He plays on a amateur ice hockey league, and made some friends thru it, he even became captain of a team... this was a guy who was a 'star pitcher' in h.s. and had only a couple of friends..Since its summer maybe he could join a softball league? thats pretty easy to pick up...or he can join a team at jonesbeach volleyball..another summer sport..

and......
bring him to the g2g... there are suppose to be 17 guys going(including mine)