would it be rude....

IMO - it's both inappropriate and rude. I think we'd all like to ask for money only - and although your circumstances are certainly unique, I still don't think it makes it acceptable.

Just my opinion - no yelling!

IMO, I think it would be rude and it would make me not want to attend the wedding if I saw that on the invitation.

I think that word of mouth would work just fine, just as it does with registries. There is absolutely no where I am stating where I am registered...but I can guarantee that people will just 'find out'...that's just how it works.

I attended a wedding which was for people who were not very well off financially. They did not register anywhere adn word on teh street was that they needed $$. So I gave them $$. Simple as that.

a gift is exactly that; a gift. it is not up to the recipient to decide what their guests should give to them.

it is ok to pass the word around through your family, close friends, wedding party and in-laws so that when they are asked they will be able to properly respond to the question 'what should i get for so and so for their wedding'? never a formal announcement.

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Posted by steflily

I don't think rude is the correct word, but it might be inappropriate. You might want to make sure that your shower invites have something to that affect though. Since it is not coming from you, as the wedding invites will, it might be more accepted. Ask them to do a 'moving to London' theme. Hopefully people will get the idea.

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that's a great idea. and I think the same way people are supposed to find out about where you are registered (word of mouth) will apply. they will ask anyway, and that is the perfect time for your families to explain the situation.

if you put it on your invite, no matter how much SENSE it makes, someone will take the opportunity to mount their high horse...and do you really need that?...perhaps if you have a wedding website, you can explain the situation there and have people draw their own conclusion.

good luck!

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Posted by july06bride

this happened to me...fh's cousin was moving to italy after wedding (wedding was this past july) and they added a small card in invitation... something like your presence is present enough, however due to moving to italy monetary contributions would be appreciated. I THOUGHT it was TERRIBLE! I was tempted to buy a gift and not a nice one...I personally think it should be word of mouth. Most people give $$$ anyway and if you get a few gifts here and there, there wont be many most likely...than return them , or have them shipped...

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Nic, normally I agree with your opinions on things, but I just don't understand what exactly about it is so bad.

let's face it, if someone showed up to any of our weddings without a gift, wouldn't any of us be insulted (and commenting on these very boards) what they did may not be what Emily Post recommends, but it is logical and makes perfect sense.

whether or not you 'ask' for a gift, it's like ignoring the elephant in the room if you forsake logic for 'manners' by not specifying, in such a situation, your future plans and what is best for the new couple. Isn't that what weddings are all about...helping loved ones begin their journey together on the right foot?

Again, I really don't want this to seem like an attack, and if I am missing something, please explain it to me.

much love Jess

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Posted by JessicaM.

whether or not you 'ask' for a gift, it's like ignoring the elephant in the room if you forsake logic for 'manners' by not specifying, in such a situation, your future plans and what is best for the new couple. Isn't that what weddings are all about...helping loved ones begin their journey together on the right foot?

Again, I really don't want this to seem like an attack, and if I am missing something, please explain it to me.

much love Jess

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just wanted to bust my 2 cents in here - i hear what you are saying about logic. but shes asking if its considered rude to request a gift - and the answer is yes it is.

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Posted by itslaurie.

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Posted by JessicaM.

whether or not you 'ask' for a gift, it's like ignoring the elephant in the room if you forsake logic for 'manners' by not specifying, in such a situation, your future plans and what is best for the new couple. Isn't that what weddings are all about...helping loved ones begin their journey together on the right foot?

Again, I really don't want this to seem like an attack, and if I am missing something, please explain it to me.

much love Jess

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just wanted to bust my 2 cents in here - i hear what you are saying about logic. but shes asking if its considered rude to request a gift - and the answer is yes it is.

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but WHY is it rude....in this specific case. personally I think it's plain silly, and just a way for people to judge others and feel better about themselves..

rude would be to say- do not attend with out an appropriate gift or say, expecting people to cover the costs of your wedding...

she is not asking for any amount, or even really for any gift- just asking people to make it easier on them IF they CHOOSE to give them one, and make it one that travels well.

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Posted by JessicaM.

but WHY is it rude....in this specific case. personally I think it's plain silly, and just a way for people to judge others and feel better about themselves..

rude would be to say- do not attend with out an appropriate gift or say, expecting people to cover the costs of your wedding...

she is not asking for any amount, or even really for any gift- just asking people to make it easier on them IF they CHOOSE to give them one, and make it one that travels well.

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no matter how she words it, its asking for a gift. even if its: your presence is present enough, etc etc etc. its still 'shaking down your guests.'
it is rude to put any reference to a gift monetary or not on an invitation. you are assuming your guests aren't logical enough to find out for themselves what sort of gift would be appropriate and appreciated, should they choose to give a gift...since it is customary and not obligatory.

eta - im not saying i agree with this etiquette, or practice. but it is proper etiquette.

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Posted by itslaurie.

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Posted by JessicaM.

but WHY is it rude....in this specific case. personally I think it's plain silly, and just a way for people to judge others and feel better about themselves..

rude would be to say- do not attend with out an appropriate gift or say, expecting people to cover the costs of your wedding...

she is not asking for any amount, or even really for any gift- just asking people to make it easier on them IF they CHOOSE to give them one, and make it one that travels well.

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no matter how she words it, its asking for a gift. even if its: your presence is present enough, etc etc etc. its still 'shaking down your guests.'
it is rude to put any reference to a gift monetary or not on an invitation. you are assuming your guests aren't logical enough to find out for themselves what sort of gift would be appropriate and appreciated, should they choose to give a gift...since it is customary and not obligatory.

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I agree...there are certain etiquettes that you just stick to.

I'm just going to tell the big mouths that we only want money and no gifts We don't need anything but good old green backs Or a new house

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Posted by Swan06

I'm just going to tell the big mouths that we only want money and no gifts We don't need anything but good old green backs Or a new house

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thats the ticket