Would this annoy you?

I am invited to a party for someone, and numerous times, I have offered the hosts of the party my help with planning, or making something special for the party, or running errands (since I am home during the day). And every single time I offer, I have been flatly turned DOWN.

I am really annoyed by this b/c I have been friends w/the guest of honor for a long time and I know for a fact that someone (who only recently came to know the guest of honor) has been involved in the planning all along. I'm not saying the other person shouldn't be involved - just that I want to be involved ALSO, and cannot understand their refusal.

The guest of honor is the type of person that insists on a post-mortem about anything special for them, so I don't want this person to think that I did not try to do something special to make the day memorable. What would you do, and how would this make you feel?

Did you tell this to the hosts (not just offer help)?

I would be annoyed with the hosts and probably do something extra special for the guest of honor since I am not spending time & money doing other things. I am sorry that they are annoying you though

I would be a bit annoyed as well. But as was said, you are very crafty and do beautiful work. Why not make the guest of honor something very special, from your heart. That would be the best gift of all.

I second what Liz said. Contribute in a different way.

The family in my bridal party did this to my two dearest girlfriends when planning my shower. My cousins would not allow them to help with anything. My two friends never said a word to me but I know they were hurt. I'm much closer to them than my cousins and they had zero input in the affair.

Take comfort in the fact that your friend surely knows the host is a control freak/is jealous of her other friendships or who knows how many other issues, and will realize what went on.

id be annoyed too....
maybe you could just show up with something you know they wont do...?

I think I'd feel a little bad, but not annoyed. Some people just like to do things their own way. I'll admit I'm one of those people. Mabye it's because I'm a perfectionist or something, but I just like things to be a certain way.

My mom and I made the food for my engagement party. I had an idea of how I wanted everything to be, and we were handling it fine on our own. But several people wanted to help out and make things, too, and we ended up getting confused, having duplicate dishes, etc. I politely declined help, but some people were so persistent, asking over and over again, and I felt pressured to let them help me out, when I really wanted to do it myself. I kind of felt like this party was only going to come around once for me, and that instead of being able to do it my way, I had other people 'stealing my thunder.'

I hope that doesn't make me sound selfish or controlling. Well, I KNOW it makes me sound controlling, and I guess I am to a degree. But honestly I'm not selfish.

I just think some people enjoy doing things themselves, and we shouldn't be annoyed or offended if they decline our help.

I've since gotten better at letting other people help me out. Not only is it less stressful for me when I have help, but I also realize that by not letting other people help out, I'm depriving them of having fun and feeling good about themselves for being involved. It also brings people closer together when they're all involved in something. So I'm loosening my grip on things and learning to delegate and share tasks.

Try not to be annoyed. I'm sure it's nothing personal against you.

This would definatley upset me