Okay, so as you know my MOH's hair/ MU person didn't work out. So she called me back and said okay that she would use someone else but for the makeup she didn't want to book without a trial. I said okay, do you want to come with me. Then she's like, 'but how much are trials? You know, I'm already spending so much on your wedding with the dress and your shower and a wedding gift, like $1000.' I was really hurt by this. I've tried so hard not to be demanding of my BP, I'm even paying for their hair because I'd like to see it up but I don't want them to incur the cost. And she's not even giving the shower, it's my mom and FMIL that are splitting it. I would never ask her to pay for my shower because I know that's asking for a lot. The dresses were very reasonable, $189 WITH alterations included. I really feel like I've gone out of my want to be accomodating and her comment really hurt me. She makes more money than me and will spend it at the drop of a hat on Fendi. Even if I were a MOH and the cost was a lot, I don't think I would ever tell the bride that because it would make her feel bad. Don't you agree?
Goldi1021
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Re: Would you be hurt by this?
People of a certain age should know that being in a BP is as much of a financial obligation as it is an honor. If they are strained with money, they should have said 'no' from the beginning. You dont need that type of stress. I would have been upset too.
beautyq115
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Re: Would you be hurt by this?
YES I would be offended
Jackie&Justin
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Re: Would you be hurt by this?
Sorry, I disagree a bit. I am someone's MOH in the summer. I actually tried to back out of it for financial reasons but she wouldn't have it. I am very stressed, my wedding is a few months after hers and I am overwhelmed with having to pay for everything for her wedding and then all the stuff I have to pay for for mine, plus apartment hunting! IMO, she's probably just a little worried about the money situation, and did not mean to hurt you in anyway. Hope that helps, and that I don't sound too much of a b****...
seta
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Re: Would you be hurt by this?
I would be hurt too especially since she has the money to spend...if she was strapped for cash i would sympathize, but I can see why you are upset...
just out of curiousity, why does she need a trial? it's not like she's the bride, i was my sisters MOH and I just booked the person she was using, but never even thought of a trial. does she really need one?
glinda_goodwitch
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Re: Would you be hurt by this?
Posted by seta
I would be hurt too especially since she has the money to spend...if she was strapped for cash i would sympathize, but I can see why you are upset...
just out of curiousity, why does she need a trial? it's not like she's the bride, i was my sisters MOH and I just booked the person she was using, but never even thought of a trial. does she really need one?
She wanted a trial because she doesn't trust makeup artists until she has tried them. But she decided to do her own makeup anyways.
I guess I'm just hurt because if she can have money to blow on Fendi and other luxuries, can she really complain about money for a wedding?
Jackie&Justin
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Re: Would you be hurt by this?
Posted by glinda_goodwitch
Posted by seta
I would be hurt too especially since she has the money to spend...if she was strapped for cash i would sympathize, but I can see why you are upset...
just out of curiousity, why does she need a trial? it's not like she's the bride, i was my sisters MOH and I just booked the person she was using, but never even thought of a trial. does she really need one?
She wanted a trial because she doesn't trust makeup artists until she has tried them. But she decided to do her own makeup anyways.
I guess I'm just hurt because if she can have money to blow on Fendi and other luxuries, can she really complain about money for a wedding?
Ohh, I didn't see that part. What is Fendi?
glinda_goodwitch
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Re: Would you be hurt by this?
Posted by Jackie&Justin
Posted by glinda_goodwitch
Posted by seta
I would be hurt too especially since she has the money to spend...if she was strapped for cash i would sympathize, but I can see why you are upset...
just out of curiousity, why does she need a trial? it's not like she's the bride, i was my sisters MOH and I just booked the person she was using, but never even thought of a trial. does she really need one?
She wanted a trial because she doesn't trust makeup artists until she has tried them. But she decided to do her own makeup anyways.
I guess I'm just hurt because if she can have money to blow on Fendi and other luxuries, can she really complain about money for a wedding?
Ohh, I didn't see that part. What is Fendi?
Fendi is a very expensive designer of handbags and shoes in the $500-$1000 range.
Jackie&Justin
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Re: Would you be hurt by this?
oh wow, well then that changes my response. if you have money to spend 500 bucks on a purse, you can spend 1,000 on a wedding. me-i think the most expensive purse i bought was 20 bucks!
glinda_goodwitch
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Re: Would you be hurt by this?
That's what I'm thinking...especially because one time we were out at dinner and she says 'you know what we should do. we should drop $700 and go to a spa and relax.'
itslaurie.
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Re: Would you be hurt by this?
Posted by glinda_goodwitch
I guess I'm just hurt because if she can have money to blow on Fendi and other luxuries, can she really complain about money for a wedding?
but the thing is, its her money... I can sympathize with that. from here - (and I know nothing about you or her or your relationship) but I mean we are all spending money on things that others would consider 'blowing it away'. You know? But it's our money and if we want to buy monogrammed aisle runners, and tiara's, and etc etc etc - then we do it. And we feel happy about it. Cause it's our money and we are spending it how we want. I am sure your friend is more than honored to be in your wedding and stand beside you, but spending money in that way is a whole lot different than buying something for yourself. Also, it may feel like it's coming all at once, like one thing after another.
But I wouldn't try to make someone feel bad about it of course. And maybe that was not her intension at all. I am close and comfortable enough with my friends to say, 'this shin dig is costing me an arm and leg!' and they wouldn't be fazed. I wouldn't be either, if they said it to me. Maybe you are just hyper-sensitive to it, because you have made such a conscious effort to keeps costs down. I wouldn't take it to heart.
Wintersbride
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Re: Would you be hurt by this?
I wouldn't be too hurt honestly. I have already had financial issues w/ 2 members of my BP. Yes, it's a financial obligation, but I try to look at it as they are in my BP because I mean a lot to them and they mean a lot to me, yet I can not expect my BP to ante up all the time for my wedding, especially when they have their own issues to contend with. Try to be sensitive to everyone's pocket books. Honestly I have had issues spending money on my own trials for my own wedding. Even though it's nice and all that she has the money to spend on herself, spending this type of money on someone else may be harder. I don't know if this makes sense. Try to be sensitive, but she has to understand that you can only do what you can do, but if she insists on a trial she will have to pay for it. I don't think I would say anything to the bride if it was too much, but that's just my personality. She probably did not mean that to sound like that.
I think what itslaurie said rings very true. If we decide to spend a lot of money on something that is only going to be used for 20 minutes that's one thing...it's our wedding and our money. But you can't look into other people's pocket books and say well, they have money for that, so they have the money for this. It probably came out wrong, don't feel too hurt. She probably didn't mean it the way it came out.
glinda_goodwitch
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Re: Would you be hurt by this?
Oh, I know it's an expense, that is why I'm trying to be sensitive to other people's pockets. She was the one that wanted a trial for makeup, not me. I guess if I were a MOH in the same position, I wouldn't say anything because I know that it is a financial obligation and I wouldn't want to make the bride feel bad. Weddings cost money, and when she has hers I'll do the same for her. It's just that when someone says they are shelling out a lot of $$$ for your wedding, what do you say to that? I'm sorry?
October Bliss
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Re: Would you be hurt by this?
Posted by glinda_goodwitch
It's just that when someone says they are shelling out a lot of $$$ for your wedding, what do you say to that? I'm sorry?
If someone said that to me I would get very defensive. In all likelihood I would start pointing out all the ways I tried to save $$$. For example, I got a quote from netbride from BM dresses to compare to the price from the bridal salon where I purchased my dress (they are offering me a discount), as well as pricing out the dress in my BM's respective hometowns to see if those prices were lower than NY. As well as mentioning every other thing I did to reduce their costs.
I spent a small fortune on my sister's wedding, and not once did I tell her it was costing me an arm and a leg. I just can't conceive of doing that. I've also been a BM for a wedding that was not in NY. There was the bridal shower (in VA), the dress, the bachelorette party (also in VA), the hotel (in VA beach in May!), plus the expense of getting from NY to VA Beach. Not once did I mention the expense to the bride. She asked, I said yes, end of story!!!
MissingTheBGene
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Re: Would you be hurt by this?
I think I would as well. I would never, EVER, disclose how much money I'm spending to the bride. It's just wrong. I knew the deal when excepting the job from the beginning.
That being said, you did you best finding deals for your girls, and you should be happy and proud about that. I know it's hard, but just try to brush the comment off, it won't do you any good at the moment to get upset over it, and let her do whatever the heck she wants in regards to her hair/makeup.
CTarantino
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Re: Would you be hurt by this?
She was wrong for saying out loud how she feels, unless she is one of those brutally honest people. I would not like to know how much my maids are spending it makes me feel guilty and I even went to Manhattan to get their dress much cheaper. I had one of my maids tell me how much the shower was going to cost and I was like 'how rude' but I understand cause I have been in weddings. YES! It is a big financial obligation. You are so right in this one to be offended by throwing numbers at you but I would not get upset about the bag she has. She is wrong and you have to understand she must be put out a little so let her decide what she wants to do. I told my maids I would 'LIKE' their hair to be done but makeup is not necessary. They all were great about the hair and no one else is getting makeup. Can't one of the other maids do it??? Can she do her own?? I never had makeup done for any of the weddings I have been in. I didn't want to spend the money.
Sorry I hope she comes around and understands it is YOUR wedding and if she throws numbers in your face again make sure you start detailing your numbers for.. photo/video/limo/flowers..all sepearaly so she will understand throwing numbers is NOT cool. Good luck!!!
ChrissynRicky
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Re: Would you be hurt by this?
Posted by Goldi1021
People of a certain age should know that being in a BP is as much of a financial obligation as it is an honor. If they are strained with money, they should have said 'no' from the beginning. You dont need that type of stress. I would have been upset too.
bournebride
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Re: Would you be hurt by this?
I think you are totally right!!! It's your wedding when she agreed she agreed to it all and you are not being unreasonable.
glinda_goodwitch
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Re: Would you be hurt by this?
Posted by CTarantino
Sorry I hope she comes around and understands it is YOUR wedding and if she throws numbers in your face again make sure you start detailing your numbers for.. photo/video/limo/flowers..all sepearaly so she will understand throwing numbers is NOT cool. Good luck!!!
Oh, by the end of the conversation she was fine with everything. She's like 'you only get married once' and decided to do her own makeup. Hair wasn't a problem because I'm paying for that and said from the beginning I would. I guess I was just hurt at the initial comment because it made me feel like my wedding was more of a burden than anything else. Even if she changed her mind, she still thought it at some point, and that is what hurt.
conigs25
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Re: Would you be hurt by this?
When are people going to learn to keep their damn mouths shut to the bride? That is so RUDE! Dont accept to be in a wedding if yo arent ready to shell out the bucks!! Everyone KNOWS its an expensive.
