Okay, so as you know my MOH's hair/ MU person didn't work out. So she called me back and said okay that she would use someone else but for the makeup she didn't want to book without a trial. I said okay, do you want to come with me. Then she's like, 'but how much are trials? You know, I'm already spending so much on your wedding with the dress and your shower and a wedding gift, like $1000.' I was really hurt by this. I've tried so hard not to be demanding of my BP, I'm even paying for their hair because I'd like to see it up but I don't want them to incur the cost. And she's not even giving the shower, it's my mom and FMIL that are splitting it. I would never ask her to pay for my shower because I know that's asking for a lot. The dresses were very reasonable, $189 WITH alterations included. I really feel like I've gone out of my want to be accomodating and her comment really hurt me. She makes more money than me and will spend it at the drop of a hat on Fendi. Even if I were a MOH and the cost was a lot, I don't think I would ever tell the bride that because it would make her feel bad. Don't you agree?
Posted by Goldi1021
People of a certain age should know that being in a BP is as much of a financial obligation as it is an honor. If they are strained with money, they should have said 'no' from the beginning. You dont need that type of stress. I would have been upset too.
Posted by JessicaM.
no, I would not be hurt b/c I feel she has a point. the bm dress is JUST the beginning of the expenses our bp incurs, bet. showers and bachelorette parties, and gifts...plus nails, hair, m/u.....it ADDS up...and they have a life too.
if any one of my girls said that to me, I'd try to work with her. If I am her friend, her honesty means more to be than anything else. While it IS an honor and a financial burden that they are or should be aware of...there is also the proverbial straw that breaks the camels back...and throwing $50 away for a m/u trial could be one of them...JMHO.
Even though it sort of hurt me, it is good to know so that I can try to cut costs down for her. But really what got me upset with the trial thing is that I never mentioned her having makeup done. She wanted it done and she wanted a trial. She's making these costs for herself.
Posted by glinda_goodwitch
Even though it sort of hurt me, it is good to know so that I can try to cut costs down for her. But really what got me upset with the trial thing is that I never mentioned her having makeup done. She wanted it done and she wanted a trial. She's making these costs for herself.
Posted by Goldi1021
People of a certain age should know that being in a BP is as much of a financial obligation as it is an honor. If they are strained with money, they should have said 'no' from the beginning. You dont need that type of stress. I would have been upset too.
I'm sorry I'm getting a little defensive, girls. I started this thread last night at the heat of my emotions, but now I've cooled down a bit. I think if she had called me up and said I need to talk to you, blah, blah it would have been fine. But she blurted it out and I was already stressed about wedding stuff. But that is her, she is more blunt than I am and usually I admire her for that. She's very good at speaking her mind. It's actually somewhat good she mentioned something to me (maybe a little harshly) because now I am going to try to cut costs down for her. The one thing I wasn't even calculating into the costs was that I'm having a shower out of state. So I'm going to offer her a stay at my parents house with me and another BM, so she doesn't have to get a hotel. I completely forgot about this, and our talk last night made me realize I can save her a little money by doing this.
Posted by glinda_goodwitch
I'm sorry I'm getting a little defensive, girls. I started this thread last night at the heat of my emotions, but now I've cooled down a bit. I think if she had called me up and said I need to talk to you, blah, blah it would have been fine. But she blurted it out and I was already stressed about wedding stuff. But that is her, she is more blunt than I am and usually I admire her for that. She's very good at speaking her mind. It's actually somewhat good she mentioned something to me (maybe a little harshly) because now I am going to try to cut costs down for her. The one thing I wasn't even calculating into the costs was that I'm having a shower out of state. So I'm going to offer her a stay at my parents house with me and another BM, so she doesn't have to get a hotel. I completely forgot about this, and our talk last night made me realize I can save her a little money by doing this.
Posted by itslaurie.
Posted by glinda_goodwitch
I guess I'm just hurt because if she can have money to blow on Fendi and other luxuries, can she really complain about money for a wedding?
but the thing is, its her money...
I can sympathize with that. from here - (and I know nothing about you or her or your relationship) but I mean we are all spending money on things that others would consider 'blowing it away'. You know? But it's our money and if we want to buy monogrammed aisle runners, and tiara's, and etc etc etc - then we do it. And we feel happy about it. Cause it's our money and we are spending it how we want. I am sure your friend is more than honored to be in your wedding and stand beside you, but spending money in that way is a whole lot different than buying something for yourself. Also, it may feel like it's coming all at once, like one thing after another.
But I wouldn't try to make someone feel bad about it of course. And maybe that was not her intension at all. I am close and comfortable enough with my friends to say, 'this shin dig is costing me an arm and leg!' and they wouldn't be fazed. I wouldn't be either, if they said it to me. Maybe you are just hyper-sensitive to it, because you have made such a conscious effort to keeps costs down. I wouldn't take it to heart.
Posted by itslaurie.
Posted by glinda_goodwitch
I'm sorry I'm getting a little defensive, girls. I started this thread last night at the heat of my emotions, but now I've cooled down a bit. I think if she had called me up and said I need to talk to you, blah, blah it would have been fine. But she blurted it out and I was already stressed about wedding stuff. But that is her, she is more blunt than I am and usually I admire her for that. She's very good at speaking her mind. It's actually somewhat good she mentioned something to me (maybe a little harshly) because now I am going to try to cut costs down for her. The one thing I wasn't even calculating into the costs was that I'm having a shower out of state. So I'm going to offer her a stay at my parents house with me and another BM, so she doesn't have to get a hotel. I completely forgot about this, and our talk last night made me realize I can save her a little money by doing this.
I don't think an apology is needed! You have a right to your emotions and feelings.
and good thought about the hotel!
Posted by JessicaM.
I don't think an apology is needed! You have a right to your emotions and feelings.
and good thought about the hotel!
Posted by leese
Posted by Goldi1021
People of a certain age should know that being in a BP is as much of a financial obligation as it is an honor. If they are strained with money, they should have said 'no' from the beginning. You dont need that type of stress. I would have been upset too.
as usual, i agree with you goldi....
i think it was poor form for her to say that.
