Would you be mad???

Ok, I don't mean to sound ungrateful or selfish, I am pissed off and a bit hurt. FH and I had an engagement party, and it was beautiful. It was also quite pricey, but FH and I wanted to bring both our friends and family's to meet, and we wanted our parents to be happy, so to me it was worth the money. My parents gave us a nice size cash gift, and My mother wrote a beautiful speech welcoming FH into our family, and saying how she was happy to have him in our lives......

Ok, Now, My FMIL did not even get us a happy engagement party card!!! NOT EVEN A CARD!!! Geeze... Now I know that she is happy that we are getting married, and she does like me and I like her. But not even a card? No gift? Nothing!!!

I know that money is tight, and I did not expect a gift, but geeze some sentiment would have been nice. I would even have been happy with a hand made card.

Am I a terrible person for being offended by this...

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Posted by EverlovingEv

I wouldn't be upset over that. I don't need a tangible object from FMIL to welcome me into her family. If she verbalized her happiness, that would have been enough for me.

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yeah i'd feel the same way too. some ppl just aren't into etiquette and cards and stuff. maybe she's one of those that thinks it's enough that you know how she feels? perhaps there is more going on and you are just kind of dwelling on the card? has she made you feel unwanted in any other way?

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Posted by EverlovingEv

I wouldn't be upset over that. I don't need a tangible object from FMIL to welcome me into her family. If she verbalized her happiness, that would have been enough for me.

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Geeze, you are better than me, because it certainly does tick me off. I guess I don't need it, but I would have certainly liked one. I know I go out of my way to show the people that I care about that I care...

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Posted by MJDoc12

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Posted by EverlovingEv

I wouldn't be upset over that. I don't need a tangible object from FMIL to welcome me into her family. If she verbalized her happiness, that would have been enough for me.

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yeah i'd feel the same way too. some ppl just aren't into etiquette and cards and stuff. maybe she's one of those that thinks it's enough that you know how she feels? perhaps there is more going on and you are just kind of dwelling on the card? has she made you feel unwanted in any other way?

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Continuing on with my thought, I don't know the situation at all, but it really urks me when families don't get along. 'Can't we all just get along?'
I didn't see you post anything about your Father or future father in law. Are they around? Did they do something nice at your engagement party that you didn't mention? Some ladies are too quick to jump on the 'my MIL is a @O*U$@U$O*#**%* bandwagon' (I'm NOT saying that you're one of them) that it's becoming cliche.

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Posted by MJDoc12

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Posted by EverlovingEv

I wouldn't be upset over that. I don't need a tangible object from FMIL to welcome me into her family. If she verbalized her happiness, that would have been enough for me.

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yeah i'd feel the same way too. some ppl just aren't into etiquette and cards and stuff. maybe she's one of those that thinks it's enough that you know how she feels? perhaps there is more going on and you are just kind of dwelling on the card? has she made you feel unwanted in any other way?

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That is a good thought... I am trying to think if that is the case, I don't know. I wish i could say that she is one of those people who is not into etiquette, but she is not...You know, perhaps she was intimidated that she could not give us a gife, and did not have a toast prepared... I don't know, i was just hurt. and so was FH

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Posted by rn4u2go

Geeze, you are better than me, because it certainly does tick me off. I guess I don't need it, but I would have certainly liked one. I know I go out of my way to show the people that I care about that I care...

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everyone's different! if you feel a little hurt...that's the way YOU feel, and you are entitled to feel any way that you want. i guess everyone takes things differently. acknowledgement is obviously a sensitive area for you.

we were engaged on easter sunday--my parents took us out to dinner with my sister/MOH. that's how the acknowledged it---but FH's family didn't do anything. his mom said congrats, and that was it, no card...no dinner....no special gift. but i just chalked it up to that's how they are.

is your FMIL the kind that acknowledges EVERYTHING (like sending cards, gifts, etc.) and it's bothering you that she didn't do it for you??

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Posted by rn4u2go

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Posted by EverlovingEv

I wouldn't be upset over that. I don't need a tangible object from FMIL to welcome me into her family. If she verbalized her happiness, that would have been enough for me.

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Geeze, you are better than me, because it certainly does tick me off. I guess I don't need it, but I would have certainly liked one. I know I go out of my way to show the people that I care about that I care...

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I'm not better than you, we're just different. Of course I like presents but for me - iwhen FMIL says she loves me (which she regularly does) I jump for joy. That matters more to me than the 'just because' earings she got me recently.

hey meem!!! I know this has been bothering you.....and I guess it's b/c you see how excited your mom is and your not feeling the same from FMIL I'm only assuming.....but maybe it's a little different when your own daughter is getting married instead of your son. I think that the bride's family is more involved for the e-party than the grooms, or at least that's what I've seen with e-parties I've went to......or maybe she's saving up to pay for your rehearsal dinner???? who knows!!

I know it's hard, but try not to get offended......I don't think she meant anything personally or that she doesn't have good wishes for the both of you.

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Posted by HelenZ

hey meem!!! I know this has been bothering you.....and I guess it's b/c you see how excited your mom is and your not feeling the same from FMIL I'm only assuming.....but maybe it's a little different when your own daughter is getting married instead of your son. I think that the bride's family is more involved for the e-party than the grooms, or at least that's what I've seen with e-parties I've went to......or maybe she's saving up to pay for your rehearsal dinner???? who knows!!

I know it's hard, but try not to get offended......I don't think she meant anything personally or that she doesn't have good wishes for the both of you.

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I hate to feel this way, and I know that your probably right... Interestingly enought, I just told frank what I was doing, and he said that she has had a card, but just has not got around to giving it to us??? What does that mean? I should just forget about it and just leave it at it is what it is...

Never an easy thing to do...

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Posted by MJDoc12

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Posted by rn4u2go

Geeze, you are better than me, because it certainly does tick me off. I guess I don't need it, but I would have certainly liked one. I know I go out of my way to show the people that I care about that I care...

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everyone's different! if you feel a little hurt...that's the way YOU feel, and you are entitled to feel any way that you want. i guess everyone takes things differently. acknowledgement is obviously a sensitive area for you.

we were engaged on easter sunday--my parents took us out to dinner with my sister/MOH. that's how the acknowledged it---but FH's family didn't do anything. his mom said congrats, and that was it, no card...no dinner....no special gift. but i just chalked it up to that's how they are.

is your FMIL the kind that acknowledges EVERYTHING (like sending cards, gifts, etc.) and it's bothering you that she didn't do it for you??

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Sorry to come across that way, your right everyone is different and I am glad that I can come here and get some good advice from all you great ladies. I guess I am being sensitive about it...

Meem don't worry about being sensitive....it comes naturally with the DIL/MIL relationship!!!

FYI- I'm still waiting for a card from FH's parents for our e-party.....but his mom is bad w/ that stuff, so we'll probably get it with our wedding card!! Almost every time I speak to her she tells me 'I still have that card for you' and I tell her not to worry about it!! But I also got the carved bride & groom bears that his dad made us.....so that was such a special gift, that I couldn't ask for more!!

Don't take it to heart.....and feel free to vent on here, it definitely helps to get other points of view, so this way you don't explode on FMIL one day!!!! lol

YIKES! Well at least I am not alone!!!!

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Posted by kahlua716

i would be pretty hurt. FHs parents didn't give us a card or anything either- they have no $$$. BUT we didn't have an engagement thing...if we did and I got nothing, I'd be insulted.

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It Stinks! and it is hard to get it out of your mind...I guess it makes me feel like she is not really happy for us... Even though I know that is not the case

it's okay to be upset and understanding at the same time. you can be both and I think i'd be both..

and i really don't know your particular family dynamic... but what if your FMIL and FIL just assumed you knew they're happy for you and assumed that you'd understand that 's why they didn't give a gift.. and what if they'd be embarrassed to just give a card - you know, knowing you'd be gettng real gifts from your side of the family?

lots of reasons why they didn't do what would have been the best thing for you.. but that doesn't mean you're a bad person for being upset. you understand but you're upset... totally normal. totally fine. JMO