would you be mad? would you say something? kinda long

I dont know what to do??I am a bridesmaid for my friends wedding. We were best friends in high school but over the years we havent remained
as close but we talk every now and again-- but we still consider each other close friends and she was in my bridal party.

Sooo, her wedding is in June and we had a ' Bridal Party Meeting' late January to discuss the shower and bach party. Keep in mind that neither will be a surprise becuase she hates surprises. Anyway at the meeting we discuss we the bp and the moh different options. We all figured that April would be a good time for the shower. ANyway, time passes and a week ago I get a phone call from one of the bridesmaids saying that the shower was going to be on March 28 th and would I like to chip in for the present???!!! HELLO, dont plan every detail with out me ***? So I politely say sure that sounds great. MEanwhile she gave me no other info about the shower. I told that bridesmaid I would give her a call back to find out more info becuase I was in the middle of moving when she called ( we were moving into our co-op at that point and I was talking to her while in the uhaul!!) Sooo being that I was extremely busy I hadnt gotten to call her back so yesterday I get another phone call from the Moh- She tells me that the shower is march 28th at so and so's house and would I like to chip in for the gift? So I say yes and then I say Can I help you with anything else-- NOW here is the KICKER----- she says no, we've already divided up the jobs and you arent involved!!!!!!!!! *** WHY IM thinking. I WANT to help me friend. I know that im not part of the immediate CLICK like every other bridesmaid but why can I be involved?? Anyway I didnt say anything after she said that and we got off the phone. NOw I dont know the moh very well but do you think I should say something I mean I dont want to start trouble but then again I dont want to be left out just because Im not close friends with the other memebers of the bridal party. I still love my friend although we may not be as close as we once were. IM very upset over this and I dont know how to approach this. I dont want my friend to stress out becuase of me.

Re: would you be mad? would you say something? kinda long

I'm sorry, but that is so MESSED UP!!! You're not included in the planning, but we want your money for the gift?! Are you kidding me??? I would definitely have a talk with the MOH and let her know how disappointed you are that they've totally excluded you in all the planning!!!

Re: would you be mad? would you say something? kinda long

hmmm. I think if your friend who is getting married KNOWS about her parties, I would tell her about what the MOH said. After all, she's THE BOSS...so what she says, GOES! LOL.
She can tell your friends in a polite way that she wants ALL the BM's to be included.
If that is not an option, then I would try and maybe plan something myself. I would invite all the BM's over for lunch or dinner and a movie, girls only night...and just hang out.
You SHOULD say something, but be diplomatic about it....you don't want to say anything that may start a war and get your friend, the bride, stuck in the middle.
Maybe there is another BM there who might be a little more understanding? Maybe you can call her?
It;s not right that they expect you to chip in for a gift, but didnt include you in anything. But they may feel you arent interested in helping plan. I know you have a good reason cause you were moving, but they may feel you could have made more effort. Even though that would be wrong of them to think....

Re: would you be mad? would you say something? kinda long

Speak to the bride. Who the heck do these girls think they are!!!?????/ Uggghhhhh!!!!

Re: would you be mad? would you say something? kinda long

I am annoyed for you I would definitely say something to them. You never know if they will go back to the bride and complain to her that you didn't help at all...even though you know that they didn't even ask for help and planned it all behind your back. Something similar actually happpend to someone I know. Be careful and good luck

Re: would you be mad? would you say something? kinda long

for those that said to talk to the bride- do you think I would be burdening here with issues? I dont want
to do that but I do want her to know that I want to be involved. I know when I was a bride and my bp wasnt geting along at
some pointes and people told me I was like-- Why are you telling me this- cant you work it out!?

Re: would you be mad? would you say something? kinda long

I wouldn't talk to the bride either. You're right, she has enough to deal with.

I'll play devils advocate here: Maybe you haven't been as involved as the other girls because of other things in your life. Is it possible they think you don't have time to do things for your friends shower?
I'd call the MOH and tell her you'd love to be involved in planning this shower, that it would mean alot to you to do something for your friend.

Re: would you be mad? would you say something? kinda long

I was a Bridesmaid a few years ago & felt very left out. I was teh only friend - the rest were family.

I did feel left out, I chipped in for the gift anyway, & bought my own in additon.

I understood, thoguh b/.c they were all in CT. The MOH did give em the job of tracking down the friends that didn't rsvp.

Anyway, when I got there, they inlcuded me & I helped with the presents.

But mayeb its diffent , b/c these girsl are nice, its jsut that her sisters mostly did what her motehr told them too & I was inanother state. Also with 5 girsl, they didn't really need me too much.

The girls attitude to you was just wrong though.
Since its not a surprise, you might want to mention to the bride that you'd liek to help more & sicen you didn't do any of the palnning, is there anything you can do that day.
That's not really burdening her too much.

Re: would you be mad? would you say something? kinda long

so I just left a message for the moh, I explained very nicely how I wish I could be more invoved and I really want to be and I have some cute ideas for things. I hope that she calls me back, if not I may have to bother the bride which I dont want.

Re: would you be mad? would you say something? kinda long

I say talk to the MOH first no need to get the bride involved..........even if it doesnt work out in your favor BUT...you can say something like 'I know that the other girls are probably helping you do such and such but I would love to offer any help to you that you may need since they seem to have everything covered...The last thing you want to seem is catty ( I dont think you are but us ladies have minds of our own sometimes.

Good luck...she is lucky that you are so willing

Re: would you be mad? would you say something? kinda long

Did the MOH ever call you back Antoinette?

Re: would you be mad? would you say something? kinda long

so the moh called me back, it went very well
I told her how I felt left out and she said yeah she felt bad for saying that to me the other day and that if I had ideas she would be happy to hear them and so Im going to help out with the games and I also told her that I could make something too ( its at someones house) Over all it was a very friendly conversation that Im glad I had.

Re: would you be mad? would you say something? kinda long

Well damn, women can be so catty! yes have a talk with her...they can take your $$$ and that's it? no way!!!

Re: would you be mad? would you say something? kinda long

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Posted by neesiepie

hmmm. I think if your friend who is getting married KNOWS about her parties, I would tell her about what the MOH said. After all, she's THE BOSS...so what she says, GOES! LOL.
She can tell your friends in a polite way that she wants ALL the BM's to be included.
If that is not an option, then I would try and maybe plan something myself. I would invite all the BM's over for lunch or dinner and a movie, girls only night...and just hang out.
You SHOULD say something, but be diplomatic about it....you don't want to say anything that may start a war and get your friend, the bride, stuck in the middle.
Maybe there is another BM there who might be a little more understanding? Maybe you can call her?
It;s not right that they expect you to chip in for a gift, but didnt include you in anything. But they may feel you arent interested in helping plan. I know you have a good reason cause you were moving, but they may feel you could have made more effort. Even though that would be wrong of them to think....

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neesiepie ur right.....good ideas here

Re: would you be mad? would you say something? kinda long

I would talk to the MOH. I would explain that you were a little hurt that you were not included in the planning. That you care about your friend and then although they may have assumed you were too busy (give them the benefit of the doubt), you really want to be involved. That way she can't take offense to anything you say and you are offering your services.