Would you be mad?...VENT

christy Posted: Nov 16, 2002 11:32 AM

Would you be mad?...VENT

Ok,
I am pretty upset right now. My FMIL has been taking our guests (behind my back of course) to go and see Flowerfield. This really makes me mad because she was not at all happy for us when we booked it. She was livid that we booked our hall without her being there. She managed to make about a million comments about how expensive it was, and that we are rediculous. She REFUSED to come look at the hall with us after we put down our deposit. Then she said ,'Maybe I would have helped you pay for it, if you brought me along'. Well PS-she has never paid one dime, and she never would have either. My FH and I are paying for EVERYTHING ourselves. We want our out of state guests, and any guests for that matter to be surprised when they see it. Now she is taking our guests there (without letting me know), and she is acting like this was her choice and that it is her wedding! I bet she is telling people she is paying for it too! We are inviting so many of her friends that we cant even afford. So, we told her she needs to pay for some of her friends to attend.(Especially the people we dont even know!). Her comment was,'IF I pay for them, then I keep the gifts they give you'. My FMIL has not been supportive, she tries her best to make me feel miserable about the wedding. And now to top it off she is bringing her friends there without informing me! I am so livid. Would you all be mad too?
-Christy

Sonicstef Posted: Nov 16, 2002 11:38 AM

Re: Would you be mad?...VENT

Here is my advice:

a) Tell her that you will only invite people YOU and your FH know and are friends with. It is YOUR wedding and you will not be surrounded by strangers.

b) Stop telling her ANYTHING about the wedding. Tell her its all a big surprise and she will see come that day. This way she cant undermine your decisions or spoil the surprise.

She is obviously NOT helping you make this experience pleasant so dont give her any ammunition.

stacey27 Posted: Nov 16, 2002 11:39 AM

Re: Would you be mad?...VENT

I am totally appauled.I cant believe that.My feeling was always if im paying then i invite who i want period.My mother and in laws have NO say at all.They dont want to pitch in fine but dont tell me whome i am inviting.Im sorry but this is a sore subject for me.Good luck to you

Miro127 Posted: Nov 16, 2002 11:40 AM

Re: Would you be mad?...VENT

YES, i would be mad! i cannot believe she made that comment about keeping the gifts of the people she might pay for!! and yeah, it's 100% ****ty of her to be taking people to your reception place. clearly, this lady has some major issues. did you have problems with her before the wedding planning?? i definitely feel for you ...

abc7077 Posted: Nov 16, 2002 11:40 AM

Re: Would you be mad?...VENT

Grrrr I am getting mad for you just by reading your post. I don't blame you for being upset!!

Latina511 Posted: Nov 16, 2002 11:40 AM

Re: Would you be mad?...VENT

I agree with Stef 100 %. Don't tell her anything else and let her know who's wedding this is YOURS.

christy Posted: Nov 16, 2002 11:43 AM

Re: Would you be mad?...VENT

My problems with her are not new. My FH and I try so hard to keep things from her. But Flowerfield was hard to keep from his family. My FH is convinced that she is jealous and is trying to spoil things for us. She was livid when he proposed because she didnt know ahead of time. But my FH is convinced that she would have tipped me off to ruin the surprise. It is just her nature. I am not a happy camper today.

LL8203 Posted: Nov 16, 2002 11:44 AM

Re: Would you be mad?...VENT

I would be mad too, and I can see my FIL doing something similiar. Don't sweat the small stuff, there are more important details to worry about then people seeing the hall. It's not so bad that she shows friends, it may be her way of showing approval of the hall.
As for inviting too many friends, I have the same problem and not sure how to handle this yet. Good luck!

jennbaby Posted: Nov 16, 2002 11:45 AM

Re: Would you be mad?...VENT

ask her to stop. yell her you want everyone surprised that day.
tell her how hard you are working to plan this and you want everything seen for the first time the day of!

Cindy Posted: Nov 16, 2002 11:46 AM

Re: Would you be mad?...VENT

I know it is hard, but try to look at it as a compliment to your choice when she shows off your reception site. It is so beautiful there! My MIL could give to hoots about the place and never had any interest in seeing it ( goes to show you where her taste lies.) Anyway, try not to expect ANYTHING from her so you wont be hurt. I waited during my whole wedding planning for my MIL to come around and she never did. She even came to the cocktail hour late! She is my husbands mother and that is where my relationship lies with her. I will never warm up to her for the misery she caused me during our planning and additional stress! Try to just concentrate on the two of you and surround yourself with people that want to share in the happiness of the planning. Good luck!!!

Stacey1403 Posted: Nov 16, 2002 03:37 PM

Re: Would you be mad?...VENT

OMG!!!! That is one of the rudest things I have ever heard!!! {{{{{{HUGS FOR CHRISTY}}}}}}}
Well I would cross her guests that you don't know right off the guest list Flowerfields is so unbelievably beautiful that no matter if they see it before, when it is filled and set up for your wedding people will be blown away! I would try to have your FH deal with his mother because it sounds like she really is jealous and will probably never change Try to kill her with kindness then she can never say anything about your behavior and she will look like an a**! Good luck to you as I said before you will have a fabulous wedding!

OCT1203 Posted: Nov 16, 2002 03:46 PM

Re: Would you be mad?...VENT

I would be so ****ed!! How dare she do that to you! If My FMIL would have said she was taking the gifts from her friends if she has to pay for them, I would have said then they are not welcomed. She has some nerve!!! Sonicstef gave good advice. Don't tell her anything anymore. Isn't it amazing that this is suppose to be such a wonderful time, but it seems like families go out of there way to make it the worst for the both of you.

IrishTracy Posted: Nov 16, 2002 03:51 PM

Re: Would you be mad?...VENT

Honestly I would not tell her anymore. But your FH really has to talk to her. I wouldn't get into it to much w/ her because she will never forget!! She'd forgive her son before she'd forgive you! (NOT that anything that is being told to her is out of line! She is) Moms are a difficult subject. And no matter which way you look at it she will be in your life for years to come! But I agree with not invitingpeople you don't know. MAybe if you want to 'try' to remain civil put them on a 'B' list (Maybe a C' list ) I hope things work ou for you! Keep us informed!

michele31 Posted: Nov 16, 2002 03:51 PM

Re: Would you be mad?...VENT

Welcome to the wonderful world of planning a wedding
Don't open your mouth about your plans anymore- take Stef's advise. When you are asked a question respond with 'We are not sure yet' or 'We are working on that soon'. Call Flowerfield and tell them that they are NOT to discuss your details without you being there- not sure if they have or not but let them know you want this to be kept private.
She is being a nosy pain and you need to try to ignore her nasty comments. Tell her that you are not inviting people you do not know and that if she wants she can ask her friends to write the checks out to her name instead of yours! That will shut her up.

MayAmy510 Posted: Nov 16, 2002 04:02 PM

Re: Would you be mad?...VENT

WOW. What a nightmare! I agree with the others. Cross people you don't know off the list and keep details to yourselves. Jealousy and sour grapes make people do cruel things. Don't let her get the best of you.

Jen2704 Posted: Nov 17, 2002 01:36 AM

Re: Would you be mad?...VENT

I am so ****ed on your behalf....have your fh deal with the her and cut the people you don't know off the list!!

dubliner Posted: Nov 17, 2002 09:40 AM

Re: Would you be mad?...VENT

Your FMIL sounds like you know what - I agree with everyone here - tell her as little as possible, hey, lie if you have too (well white lies like 'we haven't discussed that yet')

Thankfully it sounds like you FH is just as upset as you are and already knows she can be interfeering.

Keep reminding yourself that its your day, and not her's, and post here as much as you need to.

anne Posted: Nov 17, 2002 09:41 AM

Re: Would you be mad?...VENT

Eeck..... This woman is off of her rocker.. The comment about her keeping the gifts just about sent me over the edge.

My suggestion would be to take the high road as best you can. I know that is easier said than done, but it sounds like no matter what you do she will have other ideas...

I agree with the other girls -- the more plans you don't share with her the better off you will be...

K_MOONLITE Posted: Nov 21, 2002 12:07 AM

Re: Would you be mad?...VENT

I know how you feel I am going through something simular just let her know this is your wedding you really dont need stress right now just let her know as nicely as you can put it.

Thrilled Posted: Nov 21, 2002 09:50 AM

Re: Would you be mad?...VENT

Christy, that totally blows. I'm so sorry

The comment about the gifts is just pure spite and mean-ness. She would do that to her child? How crappy. She clearly has control issues. Sorry I can't really offer any advice further to what the other girls have said, but I can be mad with you!