Would you be offened if...

cmc Posted: Jun 28, 2006 08:02 PM

Would you be offened if...

... you were a BM and the bride (in a tactful and caring way) said that she would understand if you wanted to step down from the wedding party due to things going on in your life at the moment (i.e heath issues making her feel VERY self conscience, trying to get pregnant, looking to move, save money to buy a house, and noticing that you have been stressed and aggravated every step of the way?

I want to say this to my MOH but I don't want to open a can of worms or make her think I want to giver her the boot!

Help!!!!!

cmc Posted: Jun 28, 2006 08:14 PM

Re: Would you be offened if...

Bump

patticakes Posted: Jun 28, 2006 08:15 PM

Re: Would you be offened if...

That's a tough one....I think you should approach her about it, very gently. If anything, it may make her feel like she can vent a little and maybe not feel so self conscious....or depressed about what is going on in her life.

EGreene79 Posted: Jun 28, 2006 08:16 PM

Re: Would you be offened if...

Well, just emphasize that you really want her to be a part of the day ... I think I might take it the wrong way at first, so you really need to make sure she knows you want her there.

AlmostMrsKelly Posted: Jun 28, 2006 08:20 PM

Re: Would you be offened if...

it's a touchy subject because you can't tell how she'll take it. she might be relieved at the 'out' or she might be offended... just make sure you're clear that you absolutely want her as a part of your day but you don't want her to feel stuck, with all these other things going on in her life. just let her know how much she means to you and that's why (of course) you wanted her to be your MOH, but that you want her to make the decision not worrying about disappointing you, but what's best for her right now.

Mooshyboo Posted: Jun 28, 2006 08:22 PM

Re: Would you be offened if...

Posted by EGreene79

Well, just emphasize that you really want her to be a part of the day ... I think I might take it the wrong way at first, so you really need to make sure she knows you want her there.

I have been thinking about this one since you posted it...this is a toughy....I agree with Greene79...Make sure she knows you want her there but try to talk about the issues she is facing and let her know you don't want any to add any extra stress in her life with your wedding...since you love her bunches ect...but she might use being in the wedding as her fun time or escape away from all her other issues she is facing 2...Good Luck in whatever you decide to do!

scappy123 Posted: Jun 28, 2006 08:27 PM

Re: Would you be offened if...

wow, what a predicament! If you do give her an out, make sure she knows that its up to her and that you arent trying to kick her out. Good Luck

M&LSept1606 Posted: Jun 28, 2006 08:27 PM

Re: Would you be offened if...

if she's a good friend of yours she might think you think she can't handle it all. I would be offended, I always want to make my friends happy.

MJDoc12 Posted: Jun 28, 2006 08:30 PM

Re: Would you be offened if...

has she been giving you any hints that she may wwant to 'back out' ? if so, then i think u may be okay. (just have to be VERY tactful about it) but if it's just something you are assuming, i would be careful. u may completely offend her! she might be trying her hardest to stay in your wedding--and then you making that statement might make her feel like you think she's not doing enough--and that could hurt her feelings big time.

njbound07 Posted: Jun 28, 2006 09:48 PM

Re: Would you be offened if...

break to her gently... just tell her that you've noticed that there are a few things going on in her life and that you feel a bit guilty for her being MOH and have most responsibilty amongst all of the other BM's ... that you feel a bit selfish knowing that she has issues.... tell her you wouldn't be offended if she backed out due to her busy life.. and that you definitely would not be upset with for wantinfg to focus on her life to get herself in order...

I think you have to make it to be about her.. that it's all about her.. this way she won't suspect anything...

If I were in this situation (which I am.. but that's a whole other topic!) I would rather tell her to buck up! and get with the program.. and tell her to stop being selfish and this is your you fcuking day and you paid a lot money for this day... so don't ruin it! but I this is not a perfect world...

aliwnec10 Posted: Jun 28, 2006 09:57 PM

Re: Would you be offened if...

honestly... if i had that stuff going on... i would be relieved that you said i could step down. More times than not, it's funnier and easier just being a guest at the wedding, especially if her mind is elsewhere. I say mention it to her and feel her out.

cmc Posted: Jun 29, 2006 08:19 AM

Re: Would you be offened if...

Posted by christina&mike07

break to her gently... just tell her that you've noticed that there are a few things going on in her life and that you feel a bit guilty for her being MOH and have most responsibilty amongst all of the other BM's ... that you feel a bit selfish knowing that she has issues.... tell her you wouldn't be offended if she backed out due to her busy life.. and that you definitely would not be upset with for wantinfg to focus on her life to get herself in order...

I think you have to make it to be about her.. that it's all about her.. this way she won't suspect anything...

If I were in this situation (which I am.. but that's a whole other topic!) I would rather tell her to buck up! and get with the program.. and tell her to stop being selfish and this is your you fcuking day and you paid a lot money for this day... so don't ruin it! but I this is not a perfect world...

Honestly, I do want to tell her get this the program but it's really driving me insane. She seems to have really been full of negative energy and I just feel that it will continue form here on into the reception and I don''t know if I want to deal with it or would be able to ignore it.

Grrrr!!!

soon2bmrsdunn Posted: Jun 29, 2006 08:33 AM

Re: Would you be offened if...

Posted by EGreene79

Well, just emphasize that you really want her to be a part of the day ... I think I might take it the wrong way at first, so you really need to make sure she knows you want her there.

I agree with this. It is very nice of you to be offering this to her but she may not see it that way. I would start out with the positives (how much she means to you, how much you want her to be a part of your day) but that you know she is going through a lot and would understand if she felt she couldn't be in the wedding. etc. Good luck!!!

EGreene79 Posted: Jun 29, 2006 09:09 AM

Re: Would you be offened if...

Maybe you could lessen the burden on her as well? My MOH is my MOH because she is my best friend and closest thing I have to a sister. If this was going on with her I'd still want her to be next to me on my day, but maybe I'd ask some of the other girls, other friends or family to pitch in. I'm not sure what your relationship is in this, so it all depends on that.

cmc Posted: Jun 29, 2006 12:40 PM

Re: Would you be offened if...

Posted by EGreene79

Maybe you could lessen the burden on her as well? My MOH is my MOH because she is my best friend and closest thing I have to a sister. If this was going on with her I'd still want her to be next to me on my day, but maybe I'd ask some of the other girls, other friends or family to pitch in. I'm not sure what your relationship is in this, so it all depends on that.

I feel bad saying this but I have to be honest. I do care about her but I have never experienced anyone as difficult as she has been the past year. We live apart and have been friends for a VERY long time. I am really disappointed at how complicated and bitchy she has been. Perhaps I just don't understand but I really did not think it would be like this.

CantDecide Posted: Jun 29, 2006 12:50 PM

Re: Would you be offened if...

I basically said that to my college room mate BEFORE I picked my BM's. She lives on the West Coast and she was super difficult in other weddings she was in. She doesn't come to any events (bach party, shower, etc) and she non-stop complains about the cost of things.

I wrote her an email asking how she felt about being a BM and would she rather not because of money, i would have her be a part of things in another way, yada yada.... she basically wrote back and said whatever i want would be fine, she seemed really fine with it.

You know her better than any of us tho - just be sure that she knows you still want her in the wedding but you would NEVER want her to feel forced or obligated.... that way she wont feel forced out.

good luck!

Theatrimelz Posted: Jun 29, 2006 12:54 PM

Re: Would you be offened if...

Yes this happened to me as a bridesmaid !!! The bride said that if I couldn't afford the dress she wanted to get - long story - I did not have to be in the wedding. This is a woman I had been friends with for like 20 years! So yes, I was offended and ended up being in the wedding.