you were asked not to bring your child to the wedding?
this is touchy because FSIL's son is our Godson. He will be 2 years old for our wedding. FSIL is the Matron of Honor and FBIL is the Best Man. I do not want their son (our Godson) at the wedding ESPECIALLY not for our ceremony. i know it might sound really evil but i would be so upset if he started making sounds/crying/laughing during our wedding ceremony, i love him so much, but this is our day and i dont think its necessary to have a 2 year old present.....since the parents will be up at the front FMIL would end up with him in her lap (now this is her first grandchild who she is obsessed with ) and i have a feeling she will be paying more attention to him than her son who is getting married and I don't think that it is fair to FH - what is even worse is if the baby starts fussing and one of FH's parents has to leave the room with him - I would be really really upset if that happened......i just do not want ANY children in or near that room while i am getting married.....
i also dont want strollers, crying or sleeping children at my CH/Reception b/c to be honest I dont like the way it looks
i think that weddings are for adults - and i told FH how i feel about this - he totally understands how i feel and he told me that he will talk to his sister about it but he is afraid that she is going to be really upset. FH and I are not parents, so we don't know how she might feel or how she might take this....another reason that i rather not have the baby there is because we know that either FSIL or FMIL will be with the baby the entire night....which i think is a drag - it also complicates picture taking since both parents are in our BP....
do you guys think that i am evil for not wanting him there? do you think FSIL will be upset? i think that she has a feeling that we dont want him there since her and her husband are in the BP and their son is not included (as the ringbearer) - but i love her and dont want to upset her.....but i just feel like this is something i cant compromise on
zoe282
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Re: would you be upset if.....
I don't think you are evil. Like you said weddings aren't a place for children. Maybe his sister will look at it as a night out to herself! If the kid is there she will be too preoccupied to enjoy her brothers wedding and that is no good either. It's an adult affiair and she should understand it and respect it. If your FH has your back that's all that matters.
AMGBride2008
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Re: would you be upset if.....
If it were my child I'd be super excited for a night out without the kids!!
I would approach your FSIL and explain to her that you are planning to invite her and FBIL only. Ask her if she's OK with this, will it be a problem getting a babysitter that night, will she be hurt... I would broach the topic with her before you send out the invite without the child's name.
ant n tilde
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Re: would you be upset if.....
i totally understand your reasoning and i think the mother should respect your wishes for your wedding day
in my family, children are an important part of any celebration and we are welcoming all children - regardless of age
BUT it is very common to NOT include children so she should definitely respect that!
gl!
Future Mulligan
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he is my godson and nephew and i LOVE LOVE LOVE him SOOO much. i just dont want anyone to think that we love him less because we dont want him at the wedding.....its just i know FSIL will be with the baby the whole time and we kind of want FSIL and FBIL to ourselves for the night
and i really really want an adults only ceremony - really badly......
this *****, i dont want to hurt FSIL's feelings
futuremrsfab
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Re: would you be upset if.....
I dont think its evil at all- I feel the same way for most of the same reasons- plus add that its not fair to a 2 or 3 year old to be expected to behave during such a loooong event- kids naturally want to play- and a wedding doesnt really work for that.
Something to think about- maybe hire a babysitter for those with kids- we are doing that for the out of towners to make it easier- but also to shut up anyone in our families who just cant get a babysitter
meli722
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Re: would you be upset if.....
NOPE I WOULDNT BE OFFENDED...I DONT WANT ANY KIDS AT MY WEDDING EXCEPT FOR MY DAUGHTER WHO WILL BE 5 AT THE TIME AND FH'S NIECE WHO WILL BE 7, AND THEY ARE ONLY COMING BECAUSE THEYRE IN THE WEDDING PARTY...I DONT WANT STROLLERS, CRYING, RUNNING AROUND ETC ETC ...TRUST ME I CANT STAND KIDS AT WEDDINGS, I FEEL LIKE ITS AN ADULT PARTY..IF SOMEONE TOLD ME NO KIDS I WOULDNT FEEL OFFENDED AT ALL
bemyyoko
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Re: would you be upset if.....
i don't think it's evil at all. all your points are totally valid. especially the FMIL focusing on the kid thing.
I think the way it's presented to your FSIL is going to determine how upset she gets over it.
Espo22
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i would understand and would want to even enjoy my night
kkss1419
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I don't think what you are asking is wrong. We are not having children at the wedding either except for the ones in BP (2 6yr olds 9yr old & 13yr old). As a parent I can say that I look at weddings as a night out for the Adults. I have been invited to weddings with my son & chosen to leave him home because I would need to watch over him & wouldn’t enjoy myself as much.
Future Mulligan
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Re: would you be upset if.....
its just worrying me that FH is afraid she will be upset and he doesnt want to make her cry.....he said he doesnt know how she will react........i told him that i cant see how she could be that upset - its a night out for her and its OUR wedding and they should respect that AND they didnt have ANY children at their wedding either - so they should be understanding.....i think FH thinks its bad b/c its his nephew/godson and i think he is afraid of what his parents might say about it.....
MJDoc12
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Re: would you be upset if.....
totally not evil---i had this same issue about my 2 yrs old nephew for our wedding. my brother was angry and fought me on it--but i said no to having him there. its your and FH's day---and ppl need to understand that it is your wish. ...and they should respect that.
unfortunatley they will make you feel guilty about it--and i'm sure a fight or two will ensue. prepare yourself for it---and prepare to stand your guard, no matter what
mariaobride
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Re: would you be upset if.....
it is your day and you have every right to make the decision if you want children there or not- she may even be relieved to hear that they aren't invited because it is a night out for her
Future Mulligan
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Posted by MJDoc12
totally not evil---i had this same issue about my 2 yrs old nephew for our wedding. my brother was angry and fought me on it--but i said no to having him there. its your and FH's day---and ppl need to understand that it is your wish. ...and they should respect that.
unfortunatley they will make you feel guilty about it--and i'm sure a fight or two will ensue. prepare yourself for it---and prepare to stand your guard, no matter what
i already told FH he can place all the blame on me.....i told him that he can tell them that he tried to get me to change my mind but i won't budge.....i rather them be upset at me than him....
i can understand them being upset BUT i dont know how someone could ask you to change something about your wedding just to please them - thats ballsy to me!
anneandchris
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Re: would you be upset if.....
I didn't read everyone's responses so someone may have already said this but..
I don't think you are evil. You want an Adult only wedding. My suggestion would be to talk to your FSIL and FBIL early. Let them know that you want an Adult Only wedding and as much as you love your godson you want them to be able to enjoy their night as well. The more you think about it and agonize over it the bigger of a deal it will become when it might not have to be.
You also want to give them plenty of time to make arrangemetns for the baby.
If they give you a hard time would you consider letthing him come to the ceremony and CH IF and ONLY IF they have made prearrangements with someome to be responsible for him and not your FMIL. Someone to bring him there, take him out if he is being distracting and then leave with him? Just a suggestion.
soon2bmrsdunn
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Re: would you be upset if.....
I had a BM drop out of the BP because we were not inviting children, therefore her daughter would not be invited she was 3 at the time of our wedding. Because of this I had set an age limit of 18 to be invited. However was only going to include my Godson to be a ring bearer (6 yrs old) but his mother, my cousin had said she wasn't going to have him come to the RH which was fine. However he wasn't the RB because he wasn't able to leave his mothers side so we both decided it would be for the best if he wasn't the RB.
Sorry for getting off track. It's your wedding and you should do what YOU and your FH want. If others want to be mad then let them. I know your do not want you FSIL to be mad and she shouldn't be, just remind her how she felt when she was getting married and people were telling her how to do things.
JMO
Mizzdimple
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Re: would you be upset if.....
I wouldnt be upset.
Future Mulligan
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Re: would you be upset if.....
Posted by anneandchris
I didn't read everyone's responses so someone may have already said this but..
I don't think you are evil. You want an Adult only wedding. My suggestion would be to talk to your FSIL and FBIL early. Let them know that you want an Adult Only wedding and as much as you love your godson you want them to be able to enjoy their night as well. The more you think about it and agonize over it the bigger of a deal it will become when it might not have to be.
You also want to give them plenty of time to make arrangemetns for the baby.
If they give you a hard time would you consider letthing him come to the ceremony and CH IF and ONLY IF they have made prearrangements with someome to be responsible for him and not your FMIL. Someone to bring him there, take him out if he is being distracting and then leave with him? Just a suggestion.
yes we need to talk to them soon - i told my FH that my biggest fear is that FIL's are going to make a comment about the baby at the wedding - like how cute he will be in his tux or something to that effect - in front of FSIL and FBIL.....and then what are we supposed to do!?!?! i would die if that happened and i woud feel so bad and i have a feeling it will happen if we dont say anything - i think that FMIL might even 'slip' on purpose and say something about the baby in the wedding b/c she probably wants him there and figures if she beats us to it he can come
kkss1419
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Re: would you be upset if.....
Posted by Future Mulligan
its just worrying me that FH is afraid she will be upset and he doesnt want to make her cry.....he said he doesnt know how she will react........i told him that i cant see how she could be that upset - its a night out for her and its OUR wedding and they should respect that AND they didnt have ANY children at their wedding either - so they should be understanding.....i think FH thinks its bad b/c its his nephew/godson and i think he is afraid of what his parents might say about it.....
I don't know how your FH or his family is, but my FH felt there would be people that would be upset about not inviting kids to the wedding. He was most afraid of his sister's reaction. The resolution for us was to put the kids in the BP (they are older, will be 6 & 9). As it turns out after speaking to FSIL myself, she would have been totally ok if we had not invited her children. I am sure FSIL will understand. I assume based on your wedding date that your godson is under a year old. By the time he hits the 'terrible twos' they may really be looking for an adult night out!
Lori-Chris2008
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Re: would you be upset if.....
There is just no kids at my wedding. My nephews and FH nieces and nephews fine but they are in the wedding. But not everyone's kids. It would be a mad house.
FH cousins have said 'we cant wait for a night out without the kids' lol.
some ppl want kids and some do not want them there.
It is your wedding and you call the shots and anyone who does not like it well then dont come
