would you be upset if this happened to you?

I would. that sounds like something a couple I know would do. for my 22nd bday we went to Carmines in the city, where every couple threw in $50 a person. they figured them with a 3rd person would only throw in $80. it took us 30 minutes to pay the check, with everyone throwing in more and more extra money for them. anyway that wasn't even a wedding, so I can just imagine for my wedding. they cheap it out a lot with everything.

no one should just invite a guest! I woulda said no. what we're doing is unless it's a close friend, or if we know the bf/gf, then no! most people I don't even think we should let their bf/gf come just because they know everyone. it's not like they'd feel weird, or alone.

anyway $50 gift card from 4 people is horrible. I know it's not supposed to be about gifts, but when your paying probably at least $80-$100 per person, they should at least cover their plate. it's the right thing to do. not to mention she just brought along someone even though she wasn't invited with one.

whoa! $50 for 4 people??? that is insane!! Even if they aren't doing well financially, I can't imagine why 4 people would not be able to come up with more than $50!!

I'm a little confused though, did they send their wedding gift with their RSVP? Maybe they'll be giving you another envelope at the wedding?

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Posted by Kaytea

Not to sound like a snot... but would you be mad if:

A friend you've known for a decade gives you a hard time about not being invited with a guest (she wasnt invited with a guest because she hasnt dated anyone for over 5 years so you didnt want to offend her when it's obvious she'll need to scrounge around for a guest). But you did invite her best friend and her bf so she will have company. Long story short, she RSVPed with a guest and her best friend is coming with a guest too for a total of 4 people.

Then you get a 50 dollar gift from all 4 people. Would you be offended by this?

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i dont get it...who sent the money with the rsvp? or was it sent i a card signed by all 4 of them? i dont get it.

While I wouldn't say anything, if I were in your friend's shoes, I'd be upset about not being invited with a guest... but that's NOT her choice to make (At the same time, when I was single and knew other people at the wedding, I always went alone even though I was invited with a guest) I'm not saying you were in the wrong to invite her and her friend without a guest - you were NOT at all. I am just showing the other side.

At the same time, your friend and her best friend were 100%, ABSOLUTELY, COMPLETELY wrong to RSVP that they were bringing a guest. It simply was NOT their decision to make, and if I were you, I'd say something. I wouldn't just let it go unnoticed -- Explain you had to keep the guest list down so only people who are in long-term relationships were invited with a guest and you figured that wouldn't be a problem since her friend was also invited. I wouldn't allow people to just decide they were adding to my guest list.

I'm also confused about the money, though...

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Posted by Kara and Todd

While I wouldn't say anything, if I were in your friend's shoes, I'd be upset about not being invited with a guest. I'm a firm believer that all adults should have the option of bringing a date to a wedding... I understand other people disagree, but this is my belief. (At the same time, when I was single and knew other people at the wedding, I always went alone.)

At the same time, they were 100% completely wrong to RSVP that they were bringing a guest... and if I were you, I'd say something. I wouldn't just let it go unnoticed -- Explain you had to keep the guest list down so only people who are in long-term relationships were invited with a guest and you figured that wouldn't be a problem since her friend was also invited. I wouldn't allow people to just decide they were adding to my guest list.

I'm also confused about the money, though...

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I agree, if you are 18 or over, the proper etiquette is to invite them with a guest-regardless of their personal situation. However, 50 is very cheap between 4 people, that is an insult

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Posted by Tuosto

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Posted by Kara and Todd

While I wouldn't say anything, if I were in your friend's shoes, I'd be upset about not being invited with a guest. I'm a firm believer that all adults should have the option of bringing a date to a wedding... I understand other people disagree, but this is my belief. (At the same time, when I was single and knew other people at the wedding, I always went alone.)

At the same time, they were 100% completely wrong to RSVP that they were bringing a guest... and if I were you, I'd say something. I wouldn't just let it go unnoticed -- Explain you had to keep the guest list down so only people who are in long-term relationships were invited with a guest and you figured that wouldn't be a problem since her friend was also invited. I wouldn't allow people to just decide they were adding to my guest list.

I'm also confused about the money, though...

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I agree, if you are 18 or over, the proper etiquette is to invite them with a guest-regardless of their personal situation. However, 50 is very cheap between 4 people, that is an insult

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The only reason I let it slide with the plus 1's was because we've been friends since HS.

I'm so screwed....I was hoping to keep the guest list down to 100, I'm at 120 now and dont know how to fit all these people in my small room and ontop of that I'm shelling out $400+ for these people and they insult me with a gift like that! UGHHHH

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Posted by Kaytea

it wasnt just an envelope with money, it's actually a small utensil from my registry that's worth $50. I got the box with the card that said from all 4 of them.

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OK this explains it a little better. Will it make or break your wedding, to have one extra person? Maybe because you invited her friend w/ BF and her alone she thought she would feel like a third wheel? I wouldn't be insulted by the gift. It's just a me\atter of whether or not you want all four people at your wedding. GL

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Posted by Kaytea

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Posted by Tuosto

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Posted by Kara and Todd

While I wouldn't say anything, if I were in your friend's shoes, I'd be upset about not being invited with a guest. I'm a firm believer that all adults should have the option of bringing a date to a wedding... I understand other people disagree, but this is my belief. (At the same time, when I was single and knew other people at the wedding, I always went alone.)

At the same time, they were 100% completely wrong to RSVP that they were bringing a guest... and if I were you, I'd say something. I wouldn't just let it go unnoticed -- Explain you had to keep the guest list down so only people who are in long-term relationships were invited with a guest and you figured that wouldn't be a problem since her friend was also invited. I wouldn't allow people to just decide they were adding to my guest list.

I'm also confused about the money, though...

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I agree, if you are 18 or over, the proper etiquette is to invite them with a guest-regardless of their personal situation. However, 50 is very cheap between 4 people, that is an insult

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The only reason I let it slide with the plus 1's was because we've been friends since HS.

I'm so screwed....I was hoping to keep the guest list down to 100, I'm at 120 now and dont know how to fit all these people in my small room and ontop of that I'm shelling out $400+ for these people and they insult me with a gift like that! UGHHHH

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It sounds like this is an engagment gift, no? I think that they will come to the wedding with another gift/envelope. At least I hope?

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Posted by diva7531

It sounds like this is an engagment gift, no? I think that they will come to the wedding with another gift/envelope. At least I hope?

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My wedding is in 3 weeks... it's most likely a wedding gift.

I'm so sorry, I will pray that you gat an envelope from them!!!

I think the gift from your registry might have been a shower/engagement/thank you for letting us all come to your wedding gift...

Or at least I hope so...

I'd be very annoyed about rsvping for an extra person! So rude!
And I really hope these people have better sense than to only give $50 for 4 people... how cheap! I hope they bring another gift to give you at the wedding!

I think you have every right to be offended,but unfortunately at every wedding I have been to, there have been people who have taken it upon themselves to invite a guest, or stiff on a gift. Some people you can blame it on ignorance, but most really do it willingly and knowingly.
Unfortunately though, you have to pick and choose your battles. Sounds like this person is a good friend of yours so you have to think whether or not being offended or confronting them is going to effect your friendship in the long run and if it does are you ok with that? It ***** because it is your day and you want everything to go smoothly and you especially don't need to deal with any extra drama. If you are still feeling angry about it a week or so before the wedding have the hall place them at the vendors table They'll get the hint then.

My DH invited 14 of his closest friends to our wedding. We only received gifts from about half of them. The rest didn't even send as much as a card. We were pissed, but my DH didn't want to say anything because they've been friends for so long. We were just appreciative of those who were generous enough to make up for where the cheap-os left off.
GOOD LUCK, and I'm sorry that happened to you.