Would you break off your engagement

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Posted by tuti0907

I will say this: Past behavior is a good predictor of future behavior.

If it makes you feel uncomfortable now, it will only get worse later. Speak to your FH and let him understand the gravity of the situation. I would suggest he show you a good faith effort in keeping his family in check by doing something about it now. It takes more than love to make a marriage work, and unfortunately, in-laws can be a very negative influence if you let them be.

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I agree with this. I also think that he needs to show and tell his family that their behavior upsets both of you.

It's almost like no ones future in laws starts cr@p until after you get engaged. It's almost like now that you are going to be part of the family they let their real selves show. I constantly put my foot down with FMIL bc I know that she is sneaky and manipulative. As soon as I assert myself she cowars down. Like a child. It's a ver difficult situation to be in when you don't get along. Good Luck!

I had an ex whose parents hated my. Or more his father hated me. We were very close to getting engaged, but I ended the relationship because I knew I would be miserable the rest of my life because his father would always be a presence. He would kind of stick up for me but always went along with what his father said in the end. Unless your FH is totally able to remove himself from his family's opinions, you are going to have a difficult life. They will be involved in EVERYthing you do.
Its very hard, but you need to think about what your life will be like down the road if you do marry him.

Yes i would break it off, despite the fact the i love my DH to death....family is an integral part of some people's lives...and luckily i dont have that problem my inlaws adore me, but if hes not sticking up for you and telling his mother to treat you with respect because your his fiance...i would re-consider,

try moving far away if u can lol so u dont have to see them!?

good luck w/ everything take it easy!

i always thought that DH's parents hated me! they werent warm to me at all but it never occurred to me that it wasnt just me they were being this way towards, they are just not warm in general...even to each other! this was just foreign to me cause my family is always hugging and saying 'i love you'. so i took it as 'they dont like me' so i never went to their house or family functions because i felt uncomfortable. but it was all in my head! turns out they always wanted to get to know me better but thought that because there was a language barrier (they are italian and dont speak english very well) we wouldnt be able to communicate. silly me!

so my opinion is 'no'. dont give up so soon especially when there is still love between you and your FH. tell him how uncomfortable it all makes you feel and that he HAS to do something about it. there's no choice now. and if that doesnt work, kill them with kindness! be the sweetest girl in the world and they'll have no choice but to love you!!!!

If I were you, I would let him know that you are considering breaking off the engagement because you are so hurt by the way you are treated and that you feel that he does not protect you from the hurt. He needs to know that you mean business. Men have a great way of putting the blinders on and not being emotional about things like woman, so they dont' get it. He needs to 'get it.' You should not be treated badly by anyone. You deserve to have a man who stands up for you.

I have the SAME problem...FH agrees with me but he would NEVER say anything to them...he would rather ride the situation out. He's not confrontational at all. And truth be known, although not to FH, it has all worked itself out in time. It's just annoying getting there. But for some reason, I don't think my problems are as tough as yours.

I wouldn't give up on your relationship but he needs to know without any shadow of a doubt that this is an issue and he needs to stick up for you. If he is sticking up for you, let it be. It's still his family. Good luck!

I personally decline most of my in-laws invitations since they erk me, so I'm not a good example. I know it must hurt though not to be invited. If you truly love your man (and you must to even consider putting up with his family), remember you sleep with the man every night - NOT his family... I know from the other postings there are some that believe the opposite. I live with my FH and it's the relationship with eachother that will pull you through, most in laws would rip most of us apart given the chance...

In laws are not usually as kind or as tasteful as we'd like them to be. Try not to hold it against him... and remember if you do look to him for help -- do NOT try to get him to agree with you and be careful about bad mouthing his family - as messed up as they may be there's still an innate feeling of affection, appreciation and even a strange understanding he has regarding his fam that you may not be privy to or may just not share. Maybe just try to communicate to him what you want - which is to be invited and included.

OR - best yet - maybe you can reach out to your future in laws. Have them over for a dinner (we have BBQ's and invite both our families and we have a blast - I can even tolerate my in laws) or invite fmil out for a day of lunch and shopping. Just a thought. Every situation is different and I will admit that I don't have the whole story on what is going on for you. Best of luck though, I hope it works out. Don't give up on your man too easily.

I am going through the exact same thing and theres no way I would call off my engagement..I think if you love and want to marry your man, then nothing should get in the way of that..
My mom used to love my FH..UNTIL we moved in together and got engaged..now she refuses to speak to him..we have tried many of times to sit down and talk to her but she is deciding not to come to our wedding...

I know it makes life rough..stick by your man though..I am in the shoes of your FH..its not easy to deal with im sure for him either..For me things have gotten easier. after a year. now that I am down to 3 months till the wedding....my mom and I werent even on speaking terms for about 5 months....finally its getting better between us..you may have to just hope that time will ease all this craziness....
I am sorry you are going through this..I hope it gets better..

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Posted by stephanief

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Posted by ik1

Its his sister and brother that really start the real trouble. He sticks up for me when he is speaking to me, but even if it has not become a big problem yet it will, So I can't come to there house and the hole family is over and it is going to destroy our relationship so why try and keep this marriage going, Why? He sides with me and will not go, but I think he needs to start a fight with them? I am not saying never speak to them, but make them wonder and I think he should tell them that it both of us or no one and he has not yet. He wants us to try to settle it first and then he will get involved, so after writting this I have decieded that if he wants me he knows what he has to do and because I will leave.

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Honestly, if he sticks up for you, what more do you want? Saying you want him to 'fight' with his family seems selfish, IMHO. Good luck with your situation

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I was thinking the same exact thing. If he does not go then he is sticking up for you. I would never make my FH fight with his family nor would he expect me to fight with mine. The whole family goes over the sister's house hey that's fine. We would stay home. I am the type of person that would have people at my house and leave her out.