Would you disown him? (long)

My brother lives in VA w/ his wife and 3 kids. We are not 'close' by any means. He is 15 years older than me and moved to CA when I was 3. When he got married I flew to CA for his wedding (I was a jr bm).

ANYWAY, he gets my STD and calls my mom

'I will not be able to make it t the wedding, my daughter ahs testing (she's 8) that week (it's in june, how does he know) and we treally can't afford to bring the whole fam out.'

So my mother says 'Can't YOU just come? Maybe drive up Friday morn, stay here friday night, and drive back sat?'

He says 'No, Nancy (my sil) doesn't want to be alone w/ the kids. And I can't afford to take the day off'

Honestly, I'm REALLY hurt!! He couldn't take ONE F-ing day off from work? I KNOW he gets sick pay and vacation days! I would understand if he still lived in CA, but c'mon!

Well, thats my only sibbling. I am not close with my fam. I don't have many people in my life. I feel like, I don't want one less, but I guess he doesn't care much about me anyway.

What did your parents say? They must be pretty upset too... also how is it that he has not heard anything about your wedding until he got your STD? Is the that removed from the family?
I am sorry you are going through this, that really stinks!

Sweetie-brush it off. I wouldnt 'disown' him because he is your brother, your blood, but I would definitely give him the cold shoulder the same way he gave you one about coming to your wedding. Nonetheless the whole situation is kind of sad

I would confront him and tell him how dissapointed you were.

im sorry but thats strange and very inconsiderate

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Posted by seta

I would confront him and tell him how dissapointed you were.

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I would too.

Sweetie.. That is terrible. I would travel across the world to be at my brothers wedding.. whatever it took. I wouldn't miss it for the world/ He should feel the same way about you. What an absolute shame. Im so sorry you have to deal with this. Me personally, I would never speak to him again. Thats a BS excuse hes giving you.

Sorry sweetie.. You really dont deserve this.

I forgot to add some of these:

But I agree. I would confront him first, see what he has to say, and if he still gives that lame excuse, I probably wouldn't speak to him either.

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Posted by seta

I would confront him and tell him how dissapointed you were.

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Yes, I agree...puff out your chest and confront him. He needs to know how hurt you are.

my ex's family was like that - very frustrating!!!

sad story.

I wouldn't disown, but I would know where I stand in my siblings life and act accordingly.

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Posted by seta

I would confront him and tell him how dissapointed you were.

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I would contact him and tell him that you really want him there on your special day.
If he still won't come, tell him that he is a jerk.

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Posted by itslaurie.

sad story.

I wouldn't disown, but I would know where I stand in my siblings life and act accordingly.

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I agree, I wouldn't disown him. Maybe you can speak to him and let him know how you feel. Maybe talking to you he'll realize how important this is to you. Good luck!!!

Awww, Eleanor, I'm so sorry!!

Not to necessarily defend him or anything, but one of my BM lives in VA with her daughter (my FG), and she got an email from her daughter's school before Christmas with the entire second half of the year schedule (including testing). I'm waiting on the first half of next school year to book my RD b/c she doesn't want her to miss too much and since my wedding is Columbus Day weekend, she thinks there is time off (as there was in 2005).

As for the rest of it, if he doesn't want to take Friday off from work, your wedding isn't until 4 PM. He can sure as heck drive up here on Saturday in time for the wedding and reception and go home on Sunday. (unless your wedding is on Friday) Heck, I've done that trip a bunch of times!!! (my absolute favorite was the 3 AM leave VA, get to NY around 9 AM, eat, sleep briefly, go hear my favorite band play, and turn around at 3 AM and drive back to VA). His wife should be able to deal with the kids overnight - I mean come on, give me a break, why have them if you can't handle them?????????

I'd make a phone call....to your brother that is!

Maybe there is part of a story you dont know. Could it be that he is tight on money and can't afford even the drive up here?

You have to take the worst into consideration and then work from there. Let him tell you why. Especially the part about his wife not wanting to be w/ the kids alone.......What is she a f'n invalent? Give me a break. Poor, Poor Excuse.

Maybe thats her way of saying 'no way, you're not going anywhere to have a good time without me'. If need be, Get her on the phone too!

Either way, good luck!

his daughter very liely does have some sort of testing then... HOWEVER, they have make up days for testing...Children do miss days for sicknesses, appointments, possibly even their AUnts Wedding!

Your brother is being selfish- I would not 'disown' him, but I would however let him know how you feel...and I would NEVER go out of my way for him