My brother lives in VA w/ his wife and 3 kids. We are not 'close' by any means. He is 15 years older than me and moved to CA when I was 3. When he got married I flew to CA for his wedding (I was a jr bm).
ANYWAY, he gets my STD and calls my mom
'I will not be able to make it t the wedding, my daughter ahs testing (she's 8) that week (it's in june, how does he know) and we treally can't afford to bring the whole fam out.'
So my mother says 'Can't YOU just come? Maybe drive up Friday morn, stay here friday night, and drive back sat?'
He says 'No, Nancy (my sil) doesn't want to be alone w/ the kids. And I can't afford to take the day off'
Honestly, I'm REALLY hurt!! He couldn't take ONE F-ing day off from work? I KNOW he gets sick pay and vacation days! I would understand if he still lived in CA, but c'mon!
Well, thats my only sibbling. I am not close with my fam. I don't have many people in my life. I feel like, I don't want one less, but I guess he doesn't care much about me anyway.
JXNOscar
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Re: Would you disown him? (long)
First off Secondly, I cant tell you what to do, but I would definitely confront him. Not because you were at his wedding, etc. But ideally he is your big brother and you need to speak to him no matter what the relationship has been like in the past. From there you can make your decision.
Side bar---I would be hurt and angry
angel77
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Re: Would you disown him? (long)
Posted by seta
I would confront him and tell him how dissapointed you were.
I agree, it you tell him how important it would be if he was there maybe he will have a different outlook on it.
Mrs. dleeny
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Re: Would you disown him? (long)
OMG!!!!! how awful of HIM!
I have 2 sisters, one of which lives in CA. if she told me she wasn't able to come to my wedding (after I went to CA for hers and was her MOH), I would never speak to her again.
but that's just me.
Debra7/21
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Re: Would you disown him? (long)
I would tell him ur true feelings, it cant hurt!
Laura&Phil
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Re: Would you disown him? (long)
I'm not the confronting type- I'd probably write him a letter and tell him that there aren't many close people and you'd hope your brother could make it. If he doesn't respond with a sincere excuse or decide to attend I'd be cold towards him- you can't choose family and they aren't always the best people you don't have to take it just because he's blood.
As for the testing- that may be true-some schools do things like that but he could try to work it out-it's elementary school not High School.
As far as the wife not being able to handle the kids- I have heard of women who aren't very maternal having kids anyway bc the husband wants them-maybe she is that way too- I have heard of a husband who can't handle the kids alone. It's sad, sounds like a lame excuse and I'm sorry that your brother didn't have the guts to talk to you directly. (I'd mention that in any conversations/letters too).
Good luck!
lacey&mark
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Re: Would you disown him? (long)
excuses excuses, right? thats not nice of your brother at all to skip out of your wedding when it is possible for him to make it like you said. unfortunately, i am not surprised. i am not super close to my family and i have a lot of siblings. i have 2 brothers that moved to FL and they 'can't afford to take the time off work or fly the family up to come'...this was before my brother announced his wedding (2 months before mine)...they aren't coing to either!!! and you know what? i do 'disown' them both. i wasn't close to begin with so i am cutting my losses. do what you feel you need to do. don't let it hurt you, people (even in our family) can be strange with the decisions they make. accept and move on or confront him on it (not what i would do, but some people feel better when they get that stuff out in the open). good luck! ~lacey
kaklesmay
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Re: Would you disown him? (long)
Dont burn your bridges over ONE DAY.
Its gonna hurt... but deal..you probably wont even notice hes not there.
shellsonbeach
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Re: Would you disown him? (long)
I lost two very close friends this past april in an car accident I learned to pick and choose my battles just speak to him it most likely may be that he and his wife are struggling or she is controlling. He is your brother dont say anything that you will regret you may never see him again. Its funny when you are open to a situation you wind up happier you wont stay angry. You dont want to be unhappy on your wedding day good luck!
missgwife
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Re: Would you disown him? (long)
Posted by shellsonbeach
I lost two very close friends this past april in an car accident I learned to pick and choose my battles just speak to him it most likely may be that he and his wife are struggling or she is controlling. He is your brother dont say anything that you will regret you may never see him again. Its funny when you are open to a situation you wind up happier you wont stay angry. You dont want to be unhappy on your wedding day good luck!
Totally agree, he'll come around
Mrs. dleeny
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Re: Would you disown him? (long)
Posted by kaklesmay
Dont burn your bridges over ONE DAY.
Its gonna hurt... but deal..you probably wont even notice hes not there.
how could she not notice her only brother not being at her wedding?
IMO, it's a VERY big deal for a sibling to not attend his own sister's wedding.
SomethingBlu
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Re: Would you disown him? (long)
Posted by shellsonbeach
I lost two very close friends this past april in an car accident I learned to pick and choose my battles just speak to him it most likely may be that he and his wife are struggling or she is controlling. He is your brother dont say anything that you will regret you may never see him again. Its funny when you are open to a situation you wind up happier you wont stay angry. You dont want to be unhappy on your wedding day good luck!
I agree! I was in a very similar situation and up until the week of the wedding my brother wasn't attending. He did come around though. If you want to have a relationship with him, call him and speak to him. It's much easier to be rude or aloof via email...not so easy over the phone. I hope it works out for you. But if he decides not to go, try to take it with a grain of salt and look past it. Don't let it ruin your day. Yes, he will be missed, but it's a day to celebrate the love and union of you and your FH...nothing else should matter at that point! You'll be in my prayers!
Katherine121
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Re: Would you disown him? (long)
I have a brother 16 years my senior. Dude has ISSUES, but he is still my brother. I asked him to BE in my wedding (we weren't going to have a big bridal party at all). He declined because he was getting ready to move to....guess where....VA. Said he couldn't contribute the time, expense, etc. Fine. When he moved down there (with his girlfriend, not even his wife), he said how he couldn't come, that he had to find a job, and if he got one, he couldn't just take a day off, etc. I could not believe dude was backing out of even coming to his only sister's wedding. I basically told him he better find a way to make it to my wedding or there was gonna be some SH!T. Not only did he show up, I made him one of the ushers when he got up here.
Now, I'm not telling you to do it the same way with your brother. But YOU need to talk to him and let him know how much it would mean to you for him to be at your wedding and how much it will hurt if he's not.
ZuzusPetals
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Re: Would you disown him? (long)
Posted by JXNOscar
First off Secondly, I cant tell you what to do, but I would definitely confront him. Not because you were at his wedding, etc. But ideally he is your big brother and you need to speak to him no matter what the relationship has been like in the past. From there you can make your decision.
Side bar---I would be hurt and angry
I agree. I would tell him how hurt you are but by no means would i disown him. I have two half brothers much older than me ... one who I lived with all my life I am super close with but the other one who is 15 years older than me lived with his mom and we missed out on a lot of time 2 gether. He can be distant, very distant at times but you know what - our family is complicated. but you know what i accept it and i know he loves me and we have a great relationship in our own way. its a hard issue. for example, i def. want him to be a groomsmen in my wedding but i dont even know if he would want to do that. not because he doesnt care about me but because hes very untraditional, doesnt understand the hype over weddings, and stuff. the only thing i can say is, dont assume your brother doesnt care about you at all. im sure he does. i understand why you would be very upset and i would bring it up to him and let him know. best of luck.
waterspout4
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Re: Would you disown him? (long)
Posted by nygirl77
So you're telling us his wifey-poo can't stay alone while he attends his own sisters wedding. Wow. I can't imagine his daughter's school wouldn't be understanding knowing she's going to her aunt's wedding. Geez. C'mon now.
My thoughts exactly
DebsNY
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Re: Would you disown him? (long)
i'm really sorry you're going through this My godfather/uncle didn't coming to my wedding because he didn't want to leave his dogs
As for the testing though, I'm a teacher in VA, and schools pick days for them to take state standardized tests (SOLs). If they don't take it that day, I think they have to take them in August. They're usually in late may/early june. And, I'm assuming she's in 3rd grade, that is a huge testing year - and they do have to pass all these tests to meet high school graduation requirements.
That's no reason why your brother can't at least make it though. I'm really sorry that he's not going to go though.
