Would you move away from your husband to pursue a degree in another state 2 months after your wedding?

Original post by suven

Mar 08, 2004 02:55 PM

I'm in quite a sticky situation. Stupid Rutgers Law did not accept me. (I have my BA and Master's from Rutgers).

So far, the only school I got accepted to is 125 miles away from our new home. We've talked about me either quitting my job and driving to school and back everyday.

Or, I'd still have to quit my job, but I could stay in a dorm during the week and come home on the weekend.

My mom is freaking out, saying this is a horrible thing to do during a new marriage. But, if I skip law school, I'll never be happy with myself and my marriage would probably fail anyway.

Fi doesn't seem to care what I do, as long as I go to law school. But, he says that now- I still live with him. I don't think he'd feel the same way once I really moved away.

Moving is not an option for him...

2003fallwedding Posted: Mar 08, 2004 06:03 PM

Re: Would you move away from your husband to pursue a degree in another state 2 months after your wedding?

I could not imagine being away from DH. From what I hear, law school is stressful. What if you had a ton of work to do and were not able to come home that weekend to see him? Try applying to other schools in the area or reapply.

karen32 Posted: Mar 08, 2004 06:11 PM

Re: Would you move away from your husband to pursue a degree in another state 2 months after your wedding?

honestly, coming home on the weekends during your first year of law school is probably not going to happen too often - if at all. you are going to be so buried in work, that the last thing you will be able to handle is a 125 mile drive.

i would say apply to other schools in your area, or take the year off, try and get some good experience and reapply next year.

just a thought for you - do you and DH plan on having children? think long and hard about how your career will fit into the bigger picture. i spent $80k on a MBA and now am pursuing a Masters in Education. children and the corporate lifestyle do not mix all that well. if i had known then what i know now, i never would have gone back to school and spent the money. that is not to say you should sacrific your dreams, but be open to the possibility that what you want now, may change significantly after you are married.

best of luck to you!

bxgell2 Posted: Mar 08, 2004 06:47 PM

Re: Would you move away from your husband to pursue a degree in another state 2 months after your wedding?

I'm in my third year of law school in Philadelphia, and can tell you from experience that you will never experience the kind of stress that you will experience in your first year of law school - you can't even fathom. The running joke is that everyone who comes into law school with a boyfriend/husband, ends up breaking up by second year (myself included!). Adding even more stress to the relationship by making it long distance could really hurt... everything changes your first year, and you really need to stay grounded and connected to your FI. Not that it can't be done, but you really need to think hard about this one... I agree with everyone else... reapply next year - you may have a better shot getting in applying evening division.

bxgell2 Posted: Mar 08, 2004 06:49 PM

Re: Would you move away from your husband to pursue a degree in another state 2 months after your wedding?

Worst case scenario - can you try to get your FH to move halfway between NY and your law school? I know a lot of people at my school in Philly who live in NJ with their significant others... husband travels to NY for work, wife travels to Philly for school... only a 45 minute commute for each... something to consider!

2bewedin04 Posted: Mar 08, 2004 07:03 PM

Re: Would you move away from your husband to pursue a degree in another state 2 months after your wedding?

Oh Suven ... I am a practicing attorney ... and as much as I believe that both parties to a marriage should pursue their career goals, think REALLY hard about this one. Perhaps you can take this as a message that things happen for a reason and use the time to figure out why you want to go to law school. Try to get a job as a paralegal or an assistant at a law firm, see what lawyers actually do day to day. See if it fits first.

As to what other law students are saying, there is a reason why first year law students are stressed out ... and it is in part because every day, you read about people's mess ups and the consequences of that. You read about missed contracts and people fighting over property and people getting hit by cars. It is a fascinating experience ( I dislike practicing at times but I loved law school) but perhaps not one for a newlywed, and definitely not a long distance newlywed.

I say wait ... enjoy your first year of marriage. Revisit it next year. If you want, ask the school that accepted you what the policy is on deferring.

Best of luck

Maribelle7777 Posted: Mar 08, 2004 07:05 PM

Re: Would you move away from your husband to pursue a degree in another state 2 months after your wedding?

Is there another law school closer to where you live that you have not applied to?

I don't know how to handle the situation. Every couple is different. I don't think I would travel that far for my degree. But that's me.

Either way it works out I hope it's for the best!

prncssrachel Posted: Mar 08, 2004 07:36 PM

Re: Would you move away from your husband to pursue a degree in another state 2 months after your wedding?

I'm sorry, but I may not have ever gone to law school, but I was brought up to know that your dreams are important and worth pursuing......EVEN IF THEY CAUSE STRESS. That's life. It hands you stressful situations. You can walk away from them because you don't want to deal with it, or you can grab it by the BALLS and get through it. I would, however, exhaust all options before moving away from your DH. It's hard enough to make time for your honey when you are in grad school, let alone law school. I do not think you should even think of giving up your pursuit of a law degree, but I think you should look at options that are closer to home. JMHO.

marymoon Posted: Mar 09, 2004 12:42 PM

Re: Would you move away from your husband to pursue a degree in another state 2 months after your wedding?

After spedning 4 years apart from my FH (college) I'd NEVER go trhough that again. You Cna get through it, but the early stages of a marriage are the most important. I'd never do it

wenndypoo Posted: Mar 09, 2004 01:03 PM

Re: Would you move away from your husband to pursue a degree in another state 2 months after your wedding?

I believe you should absolutely pursue your dreams. You said it quite clearly, if you don't go to law school, you will never be happy with yourself. That is a pretty profound statement! I don't believe that a woman should give up her dreams for husband or marriage, IMO.

That said, you should exhaust every possible option first. Long distance relationships can work, but both partners need to agree to it, and be mature enough to handle the time apart. It's only for a limited time too, and it's with a goal in mind that will benefit you both in the long run.

It's a tough decision, good luck!