Would you perfer it if your SO

jj04 Posted: Dec 15, 2004 01:33 PM

Would you perfer it if your SO

told you right after or waited to tell you or never told you if they got really drunk and kissed just kissed another guy/girl? Would you freak, end it, take time to cool off? My friend is going thru this, she got so drunk i mean when i tell you it was not her she was out of control and kissed a guy and told her BF right away and now he has not talked to her in 3 weeks..she is a mess and has called him a million times he just said he is done with her. I feel bad I told her she should tell him, not in the drunk state she was in though she should have waited...but she did and now i feel bad.

RedHead Posted: Dec 15, 2004 01:38 PM

Re: Would you perfer it if your SO

I would want to be told but i would do exactly what this girls boyfriend is
doing...THAT WOULD BE IT...

I don't care if he had A LOT of alcohol or not...that is NO EXCUSE! IMO

RedHead Posted: Dec 15, 2004 01:40 PM

Re: Would you perfer it if your SO

Posted by jj04
I feel bad I told her she should tell him, not in the drunk state she was in though she should have waited...
but she did and now i feel bad.

IMO...it wouldn't matter to me if i was told by when someone was drunk or sober...facts are the facts...

Melissa Posted: Dec 15, 2004 01:41 PM

Re: Would you perfer it if your SO

Posted by oct.2004bride

I would want to be told but i would do exactly what this girls boyfriend is
doing...THAT WOULD BE IT...

I don't care if he had A LOT of alcohol or not...that is NO EXCUSE! IMO

Same here.... NO EXCEPTIONS!!! I couldn't handle that!

jozieb0925 Posted: Dec 15, 2004 01:46 PM

Re: Would you perfer it if your SO

Posted by Melissa

Posted by oct.2004bride

I would want to be told but i would do exactly what this girls boyfriend is
doing...THAT WOULD BE IT...

I don't care if he had A LOT of alcohol or not...that is NO EXCUSE! IMO

Same here.... NO EXCEPTIONS!!! I couldn't handle that!

I agree!!!

alibali Posted: Dec 15, 2004 01:48 PM

Re: Would you perfer it if your SO

i always tell FH, if you're gonna cheat on me you better tell me right away. like as you zip up your pants you better be telling me the story so i can dump you.

but a drunken kiss is a little different then sex though. i would want to know right away but i dont think i'd react too harshly to it.

i know from experience. FH and i were at a party last year, i was drunk and a friend of mine just came up and kissed me. I don't like him at all like that, but i was drunk and reacted slowly to pulling away. I felt bad about it, but FH didn't get mad at me at all. He knew i didn't want to kiss him and had i been sober i definitely would not have kissed him. he was just more annoyed at the friend.

i dont know what happened in this situation so i can't really judge, i can only say what happened in ours.

marymoon Posted: Dec 15, 2004 01:49 PM

Re: Would you perfer it if your SO

Ok, I've been there. I was drunk, but I can't use that as an excuse because I did know what i was doing. I was younger and stupid and scared I guess of being tied down. It was dumb. I told FH and he forgave me. That's all. I don't know if I would ahve reacted so well, but I might have. We were LD in college, (that's when it happenned) so we had a lot of trust built up and we also knew that once in awhile there mght be flirting here and there, but in the end, we'd be coming back home to each other and getting married, which we are.

maybe if she explains how sorry she is, etc, he'll understand/

The only thing I can tell you fomr experience is that if she did that there was probably either somethng wrong with the realtionship or something going on in hr head. there was some reason. When things are 100% great, epople don't do that. so that may be something to think about. I don't know if knowing her reasons will comfort him, but it might, and it also might help her evaluate things.

don424 Posted: Dec 15, 2004 01:56 PM

Re: Would you perfer it if your SO

if it were me that were cheated on i'd be like

you ARE the weakest link --goodbye

jj04 Posted: Dec 15, 2004 01:57 PM

Re: Would you perfer it if your SO

well here is the thing. I have been friends with her for 20 years and she has gotten drunk before, but this was crazy, see it was a friends b-day party so there was about 25 of us out and no one was really keeping tabs on anyone...so When i saw her she told me what she did and i mean she was acting wild which she never does..she told me she smoked pot also which she never even tried so i think maybe that was it..i do not know, but she told him and he said he is hurt, which I would be too.. I just thought telling her to tell him would be best. But like i said she told him when she got home, I would have waited until the next morning or so, but I would not be able to not tell and keep it from my FH even if it was just a kiss.

nferrandi Posted: Dec 15, 2004 02:25 PM

Re: Would you perfer it if your SO

To be honest with you, and I seem to be the only one with this opinion, if it was as stupid as a drunk kiss, I would rather not know. If it was my hsuband I may feel different, but given that your friend is still in the dating stage, I think it would have been ok not to tell him- so long as she recognized that it was a mistake she would never repeat.

OSCARtheGROOM Posted: Dec 15, 2004 05:14 PM

Re: Would you perfer it if your SO

I would want to know right away so I could dump her arse.

september2004 Posted: Dec 15, 2004 06:37 PM

Re: Would you perfer it if your SO

Posted by nferrandi

To be honest with you, and I seem to be the only one with this opinion, if it was as stupid as a drunk kiss, I would rather not know. If it was my hsuband I may feel different, but given that your friend is still in the dating stage, I think it would have been ok not to tell him- so long as she recognized that it was a mistake she would never repeat.

same here...

DH and i were in a situation where one of his friends got plastered and made out with a random girl in a bar. the following day/week he proposed to his girlfriend of many a year. DH and i knew nothing good could come of the fiance finding out what happened so it was like nothing ever happened. some things are left better unsaid. if a pattern started to develop i would first confront DH's friend but i doubt i would ever tell the wife as she is not a friend of mine and it is really none of my business. if she was a friend of mine and it was a pattern that had been established, i would find myself in a pickle...

sarahthegreat Posted: Dec 15, 2004 07:16 PM

Re: Would you perfer it if your SO

something similiar happened in college and my bf at the time, held it over my head for so freaking long. i was totally drunk and had no clue what i was doing. and everyone who i was with that night thought i did and were kind of like 'oh yeah, she knew what she was doing' to him. so it was like i know what you did and you know what you did, but we're not going to talk about it. so stupid, so glad he is out of my life for good.

OctGroom Posted: Dec 16, 2004 12:44 PM

Re: Would you perfer it if your SO

I would want to know right away.. so a clean break could be made instantly.

Bunnymonkey Posted: Dec 16, 2004 03:20 PM

Re: Would you perfer it if your SO

alcohol can lower inhibitions, but i think something has to subconciously be going on for you to smooch someone while with someone else. I have been WASTED and had enough strength in me to say (to myself or outloud) 'No, I am not going to kiss you or even flirt with you- I have someone at home' and walk away. She is not really committed to this guy, and clearly, from his response, he is looking for a committed girl. Maybe it's not meant to be!

BriBri529 Posted: Dec 16, 2004 05:51 PM

Re: Would you perfer it if your SO

Posted by oct.2004bride

I would want to be told but i would do exactly what this girls boyfriend is
doing...THAT WOULD BE IT...

I don't care if he had A LOT of alcohol or not...that is NO EXCUSE! IMO

DAMN STRAIGHT!

matron Posted: Dec 16, 2004 07:56 PM

Re: Would you perfer it if your SO

Having made this mistake several times in my life, I would like to think that your friend just made a stupid drunken mistake. Like her, I always told my SO right after the fact that I made a stupid drunken mistake. They've all been understanding, some more than others. IMO if her SO REALLY loved her, he'd be willing to accept her apology and move on, so long as the behavior didn't repeat itself. Maybe SO just needs time to heal and forgive. I know I'm in the minority here, but to me, kissing is not like sleeping with someone else and I think you can have meaningless kisses. I always thought I'd want to know right away, but maybe I'd be better off never knowing. I guess it depends on the situation.

lolita4life Posted: Dec 16, 2004 10:18 PM

Re: Would you perfer it if your SO

i would want to know then.
i would forgive him.

'for better or for worse'

MCDO15 Posted: Dec 17, 2004 10:14 AM

Re: Would you perfer it if your SO

i think it depends where they stand in relationship... yes, its wrong but are you gonna throw out years of relationship over this and she admitted to it? gotta give the girl credit.

cheat is a cheat no matter how, where it happens, now its time for the guy to come around and forgive this incident...