WR - venting about guest

I just need to vent. I invited a family friend (her name is Mary) to our wedding. She is single, but invited her and a guest. She told me she was coming alone. My younger sister (Nancy) who is 16, I invited without a guest. My FH and I decided not to send invites with a guest to whom ever is younger than 18 years of age. Well, I just received an e-mail from my step-mother, saying Mary is going to bring Jay. Jay is Nancy’s boyfriend. How rude?? First of all, if Nancy wanted to bring her boyfriend, she should have asked me….not play the system. I am so piss** off right now.

I am not sure what to do, because technically I did give the option to Mary to bring a guest…..but if I wanted Jay to be there I would have told my sister. Also, today these weddings are not cheap and I didn’t expect to make money, but do you really think these 16 year olds are going to cover there plates at $170 each…I don’t think so!!

Wait, I'm a little confused. Mary is a family friend and Nancy is your sister, but Mary will be bringing Nancy's boyfriend? Did I get that right?

I can understand what you're saying about playing the system, but you did invite Mary with a guest and can't really say much about whom she brings. I do agree though, they should have spoken to you about it, as now you may need to explain to others why Nancy, who is under 18, has a date/guest.

I'm sorry you have to deal with this! Can't you speak to them about the situation if it really bothers you?

wow, what a sticky situation. IMO you have a right to be a little annoyed because that's just a total 'behind your back' move on their part.

i would talk to your sister about it, ask your stepmom not to get involved b/c it really has nothing to do with her and explain the truth to each of them. that you thought it was wrong of them to be sneaky like that. I would explain that your sister is not invited with a guest and Mary already said no guest and it's staying that way.

stand your ground, it's what i would do-- b/c what they are doing is wrong and they know exactly what they are trying to pull--- i'm sorry they are doing this and i hope it works out!!

ETA: i would also throw in the fact that how in the world are you going to tell ALL the other 18 year old's and under why Nancy can have a guest but they cannot?? just wrong!!

I think you should tell the Stepmother that if Mary is deciding to bring a guest (whoever it may be...an 18yr old???) that she needs to tell you directly. People don't bring guests by word of mouth, that's rude, they need to deal with you directly. Hopefully this will make them all see just how ridic' this is.

Are you going to seat Mary and her guest next to each other?? The girl is 16 and she is family. It is not like she is a friend coming all the way from Canada alone.

I am sorry you have to dela with this! So annoying!

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Posted by MissingTheBGene

Wait, I'm a little confused. Mary is a family friend and Nancy is your sister, but Mary will be bringing Nancy's boyfriend? Did I get that right?

I can understand what you're saying about playing the system, but you did invite Mary with a guest and can't really say much about whom she brings. I do agree though, they should have spoken to you about it, as now you may need to explain to others why Nancy, who is under 18, has a date/guest.

I'm sorry you have to deal with this! Can't you speak to them about the situation if it really bothers you?

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You got it right!!

Oh trust me, I am going to speak to them. First I am going to talk to my sister and ask her why she didn't bring this to my attention!!

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Posted by DanNette

I think you should tell the Stepmother that if Mary is deciding to bring a guest (whoever it may be...an 18yr old???) that she needs to tell you directly. People don't bring guests by word of mouth, that's rude, they need to deal with you directly. Hopefully this will make them all see just how ridic' this is.

Are you going to seat Mary and her guest next to each other?? The girl is 16 and she is family. It is not like she is a friend coming all the way from Canada alone.

I am sorry you have to dela with this! So annoying!

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I agree!

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Posted by STBMrsDaniRella

wow, what a sticky situation. IMO you have a right to be a little annoyed because that's just a total 'behind your back' move on their part.

i would talk to your sister about it, ask your stepmom not to get involved b/c it really has nothing to do with her and explain the truth to each of them. that you thought it was wrong of them to be sneaky like that. I would explain that your sister is not invited with a guest and Mary already said no guest and it's staying that way.

stand your ground, it's what i would do-- b/c what they are doing is wrong and they know exactly what they are trying to pull--- i'm sorry they are doing this and i hope it works out!!

ETA: i would also throw in the fact that how in the world are you going to tell ALL the other 18 year old's and under why Nancy can have a guest but they cannot?? just wrong!!

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Good idea, I am definitely going to explain this to her!!

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Posted by DanNette

I think you should tell the Stepmother that if Mary is deciding to bring a guest (whoever it may be...an 18yr old???) that she needs to tell you directly. People don't bring guests by word of mouth, that's rude, they need to deal with you directly. Hopefully this will make them all see just how ridic' this is.

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excellent point, well said

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Posted by pigs222seal

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Posted by STBMrsDaniRella

wow, what a sticky situation. IMO you have a right to be a little annoyed because that's just a total 'behind your back' move on their part.

i would talk to your sister about it, ask your stepmom not to get involved b/c it really has nothing to do with her and explain the truth to each of them. that you thought it was wrong of them to be sneaky like that. I would explain that your sister is not invited with a guest and Mary already said no guest and it's staying that way.

stand your ground, it's what i would do-- b/c what they are doing is wrong and they know exactly what they are trying to pull--- i'm sorry they are doing this and i hope it works out!!

ETA: i would also throw in the fact that how in the world are you going to tell ALL the other 18 year old's and under why Nancy can have a guest but they cannot?? just wrong!!

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Good idea, I am definitely going to explain this to her!!

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yes, thank you. you should explain that to her b/c she is putting you in a VERY hard position to try and tell all the other guests that they had to come solo but it's OK for her to bring someone-- who does she think she is? and it's SO unfair to do that to you-- on your wedding day!

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Posted by STBMrsDaniRella

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Posted by pigs222seal

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Posted by STBMrsDaniRella

wow, what a sticky situation. IMO you have a right to be a little annoyed because that's just a total 'behind your back' move on their part.

i would talk to your sister about it, ask your stepmom not to get involved b/c it really has nothing to do with her and explain the truth to each of them. that you thought it was wrong of them to be sneaky like that. I would explain that your sister is not invited with a guest and Mary already said no guest and it's staying that way.

stand your ground, it's what i would do-- b/c what they are doing is wrong and they know exactly what they are trying to pull--- i'm sorry they are doing this and i hope it works out!!

ETA: i would also throw in the fact that how in the world are you going to tell ALL the other 18 year old's and under why Nancy can have a guest but they cannot?? just wrong!!

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Good idea, I am definitely going to explain this to her!!

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yes, thank you. you should explain that to her b/c she is putting you in a VERY hard position to try and tell all the other guests that they had to come solo but it's OK for her to bring someone-- who does she think she is? and it's SO unfair to do that to you-- on your wedding day!

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Exactly, am I supposed to tell the other guests, 'Oh well, its Mary's date.' Give me a break, she is in her 38 years old!!

you should seat Jay with Nancy...

kidding...

how many other under 18 yr. old guests are you having? Just curious...

It really was sneaky and underhanded... and i don't understand why your own SISTER couldn't have approached you about this if she wanted to bring someone. SO WEIRD. But, what will realistically happen if you soil their plot? Your stepmom and sister will be PISSED and think YOU'RE being spiteful, which is ridiculous because they're the ones that went about this all wrong... but you know that the right ones always end up looking wrong. Would it be the end of the world to be the bigger person and say... 'Look... I see what you're trying to do, and it's not necessary. You should have just come to me if you wanted to bring Jay. But just so you know, I'm not letting anyone else under 18 bring dates... only because you're my sister.' It could end up being a 'moment'... instead of going 'the other way' and having it be a distaster. Just a suggestion....

wait I'm a little confussed.. why is Mary bringing Nancy's boyfriend to your wedding?? and Mary is 38??? and this kid Jay is under 18???

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Posted by MrsWmson2be

What did Nancy say? She must be pi$$ed!!!!

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I didn't talk to her yet, she is still at school.

Beside our rule 'no guests with under 18,' there are other reasons why I son't want her boyfriend at the wedding. He is a trouble maker and unfortunatly no one really likes him. I know I will be hurting my sister by not having him come, but this is not a party/bash, this is a wedidng with class. (ohh, it rhymes.)

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Posted by NY031978

shes 38 and hes in his teens?! Did your sister ask Nancy to bring him just so her BF can be there? is that how its goin down? im lost here!

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Yeah, that seems to be the scheme!

If they insist, sit Jay with Mary on the other side of the room from Nancy! I'm such a beeotch...I'm wondering why your own sis can't talk to you about this? Geez.

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Posted by NY031978

shes 38 and hes in his teens?! Did your sister ask Nancy to bring him just so her BF can be there? is that how its goin down? im lost here!

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EXACTLY...Nancy (sister) asked Mary to bring him. Yes, you are right. Now if we analyze the situation.....Mary (as an adult) should have been a little smarter and probably should have told me what is going on.

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Posted by MissingTheBGene

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Posted by NY031978

shes 38 and hes in his teens?! Did your sister ask Nancy to bring him just so her BF can be there? is that how its goin down? im lost here!

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Yeah, that seems to be the scheme!

If they insist, sit Jay with Mary on the other side of the room from Nancy! I'm such a beeotch...I'm wondering why your own sis can't talk to you about this? Geez.

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Me too, and as much as I am annoyed with this, I am very upset. I am the oldest of 4 sisters and I have very good relationships with all of them. I am very hurt by this.

I am going to give her a call in another 10 minutes.

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Posted by pigs222seal

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Posted by MrsWmson2be

What did Nancy say? She must be pi$$ed!!!!

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I didn't talk to her yet, she is still at school.

Beside our rule 'no guests with under 18,' there are other reasons why I son't want her boyfriend at the wedding. He is a trouble maker and unfortunatly no one really likes him. I know I will be hurting my sister by not having him come, but this is not a party/bash, this is a wedidng with class. (ohh, it rhymes.)

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I understand why you didn't want to invite people under 18 with guests, but your own sister? It seems as though the fact that he is a trouble maker and people don't like him is a bigger reason why you don't want him there, which is completely understandable.

Although she does have a legitimate right to be angry her bf wasn't invited, she definitely should have confronted you about it rather than go behind your back to get her way. The evil things people do to you on your wedding you'll probably never forget. I'm not speaking to 3 people anymore after the way they showed their 'support'. However, since it's your sister, it needs to be resolved. I wouldn't confront her with an angry tone though. Try to just question her about it and see what she says and how the conversation progresses from there.