X post from 07 board: need advice and hugs

my friend (one of my bm's) just got engaged over the weekend. Prior to the 'official' engagement her and her FH were looking at wedding halls. she found one she loved and their next available date this year was 9/8/07 (my wedding is 8/19/07). so they booked it saturday and then officially got engaged sunday. don't get me wrong, i'm very happy for her, i just feel like shes stealing my thunder. i probably sound like a bridezilla, but between my sister havin a baby in june, and now my friend getting married just over 2 weeks after me, i feel like no one cares about my wedding. my friend who just got engaged is already talking about how she wants to have HER shower in may. I thought, um hello!! what about mine? u know the one ur supposed to be planning???? she even said to me, um what about ur shower? i'm like i don't know anything about it. shes like well MOH still hasn't contacted us about anything. i'm like ok well maybe u can get the ball rolling and contact her or something. she knows i want my shower to be a surprise so obvisously i don't know what my moh or any other member of BP is doing.
now the other problem i have is shes most likely going to ask me to be in her BP. the problem is i don't have the money since FH and I are paying for most our wedding ourselves. how can i say no to her when shes in mine? in my defense her parents are paying for her wedding start to finish so its not like her wedding is causing a financial strain. is there a nice way to tell her i can't be in her BP w/o upsetting her? i feel horrible that i can't be there for her in her BP like she is in mine, but i just can't do it financally. i really need ur help girls!!!

thanks for the advice. are u and the girl who planned her 2 wedding 2 weeks before u still friends?
wow thats even worse than my situation!! i feel bad for you.

if anyone else wants to offer advice please feel free.

I'm sorry that your going through this right now. I would sit down and have a talk with her and be honest about how you feel. She should understand but then again she might not since her parents are paying for her wedding. But with her comment about your shower, maybe she's just throwing you off and saying 'what about it'
Good Luck
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If she asks you to be in her BP be honest with her about your financial situation with planning your wedding and hers coming so closely after yours. Maybe you could come up with a solution together or maybe it just won't work out.

For the wedding date, I see what you're saying, but when everyone in a group of friends starts to get married it can get hectic! Sometimes you have several weddings within a month of each other..it just happens and IMO you should not be upset. I also wonder if her shower comment was to throw you off...or she may just be getting all excited and saying things out loud to you that she should keep to herself.

I can understand that your upset about your close friend and bridesmaid having her wedding less than a month after yours. That is kinda tacky. But the part about your sister having a baby in June--yeah, that does make you sound like a bridezilla. Just because you're getting married it doesn't mean that everyone else has to put their lives on hold so that you're the only princess getting attention this year. Having a baby is an amazing thing, but also very stressful and tiring. Please, please don't let your sister or anyone else in your family know you feel like this. She deserves your unqualified support.

That said, I do understand how you feel about your friend. It's got to be really galling to hear that it's going to be right after yours. OTOH, yours is first! Just make sure yours is better than hers. And that doesn't mean money spent, just better. Some of the best weddings I've been to haven't been the ones with the most money spent on them. They've been the ones where the bride and groom seemed the most in love, where they made the wedding about them, and they made the wedding FUN, not just showing off how much money they spent.

If she does ask you to be a bridesmaid, be honest with her. Tell her you can't afford it so soon after your wedding. You said her parents are paying for the whole thing--maybe they can help you out with the BM costs so you can be in the wedding party. And try to look at it as fun--you're both brides! You can do a lot of stuff together, it might be fun, right?

I think your best bet is to sit down and have a talk with her about it. Be honest and let her know that you really want to be in her BP and then present the reasons you can't. As for your shower, maybe mention something to the MOH that people are asking you, but that's about it. If it's a surprise, you have to let it be. Beyond that, just focus on your day and don't let this take an ounce of your happiness away. In the long run, her wedding won't have any affect on yours.