XOXO

First, that's great that you're seeing someone new!! I'm so happy to hear that you've moved on and are happy.

Second, to be quite honest, as much as I'd like to think the opposite, yes, it would bother me. While I totally understand what you're saying, I'm just not sure if I could personally get over it.

That said, you definitely shouldn't see him and not tell your new bf. If that happens, and he finds out, he's 100% going to think you didn't tell him because there's something shady going on, regardless of whether there is or not. If you feel that you still need to be in contact with your ex-fiance, be honest and open with the new guy.

I think that what you need to do right now, is do what YOU need. YOU are the most important part of this equation. Considering your recent struggles, I think it is wonderful that you are able to salvage a relationshop with your ex. And I trust that you are able to keep it at the level you want it at. I think you have the strength necessary for that.
I also think you should be completely honest with this new guy....and if he can't handle you seeing your ex, then he has to deal with that. But you shouldn't lie to him about it, it wouldn't be fair to anyone.
Good luck!!

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Posted by eogara

First, that's great that you're seeing someone new!! I'm so happy to hear that you've moved on and are happy.

Second, to be quite honest, as much as I'd like to think the opposite, yes, it would bother me. While I totally understand what you're saying, I'm just not sure if I could personally get over it.

That said, you definitely shouldn't see him and not tell your new bf. If that happens, and he finds out, he's 100% going to think you didn't tell him because there's something shady going on, regardless of whether there is or not. If you feel that you still need to be in contact with your ex-fiance, be honest and open with the new guy.

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I agree with eogara completely. If I found out a guy I was dating was meeting his ex for lunch and not telling me about it I would be very suspicious. If you still want to see you ex you have to be honest.
I am so happy you are seeing someone new Best of luck to you!

[I agree with eogara completely. If I found out a guy I was dating was meeting his ex for lunch and not telling me about it I would be very suspicious. If you still want to see you ex you have to be honest.
I am so happy you are seeing someone new Best of luck to you!

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I agree!!! You know what they say...Oh what a wonderous web we weave when firt we practice to deceive!! Be honest with the new guy!!

I had this situation when DH and I where dating...DH would get jealous, but he knew that my ex and I really were JUST FRIENDS. He trusts me, and knows I would NEVER do anything.

If this guy is worth keeping, he will understand. It might take him a little while, but he will understand. DH now goes out WITH us- but it's not because he doesn't trust us- he has become great friends with my ex as well!

Jenny, I am so happy to hear that you are seeing someone new!!!

I know that when I broke up with my ex boyfriend I still talked to him at least every other week and went to lunch at least once a month, and Frankie's ex's used to call here in the beginning of our relationship also. I can tell you that it is hard in the beginning but as time goes on this will lessen more and more. You will grow stronger and more independent from him. You will always care but it will just be different. You need this now then you need this now and he has to understand this. Give him reassurance that you are not looking to go back to your ex- but make sure you are honest with him. This way there is never a problem or anger, jealous may happen and that is natural but it is so much better than anger.

I hope it all works out for you!!




PS I don't know if I am making sense this early in the morning

IMO: If i was the new guy you were dating and you told me you were going
out to lunch with your ex-fiance...
I know it may sound childish but i would say say later!

Glad to hear you are dating again.

Don't lie to the new guy. I think the deal w/ your ex is he's like a security blanket. Even though the relationship is not there. It's hard for you not to talk to him. I had that w/ an ex. I was just very comfortable with him.

I think this new guy sounds like a very mature & understanding guy. Maybe one day he will be the person you'd go to. But as you said it's to early. (I'm happy to hear that you are being cautious)

Honestly, I would turn the table and see how you would feel if you were in his shoes. I would treat him, how you would want to be treated.

Just my opinion...all the best

i agree that you need to think about how you would want him to treat you, and ask yourself if you would feel jealous if he were lunching with his ex. but i think he needs to sdo the same, and he needs to realize the situation you are in, and understand that you may NEED to have some limited contact with him now.
If he's worth keeping, I'm sure he'd understand!
When I started dating my husband, he had recently broken off an engagement actually. He was still in contact with his ex, and I trusted him enough to know that our relationship was not in danger because os his contact with her. Eventually, he pulled away from her and he has not spoken to her in a long long time. It helped to make our relationship stronger.

no problem!

I agree with everything palebride said...honesty in any relationship, especially new ones is vital.

I want to add, that over time if your relationship with this new guy (congrats btw ) keeps growing, you may decide to confide more in him than your ex.

My Ex is my very best friend
Jim trusted me and our relationship.

He was right obviously (because I married him) but I am happy to say I never gave up my Ex.

As a matter of fact he and his fw are invited to our wedding.

I told Jim about my ex from the get go, I just tried to keep from mentioning him too much. But I made it clear my ex was a major part of my life that I refused to give up.

FM Jen!