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CaCRmr Posted:

Re: is this rude or what?

Yea, a little
eogara Posted:

Re: is this rude or what?

What, posting a subject with no text? YES!

divabride Posted:

Re: is this rude or what?

Monday morning, huh?
nylibride Posted:

Re: is this rude or what?

You're not at all rude for not inviting them. It is your wedding, you get to decide what type of day you want to have and who you would like there. There are plenty of people who decide not to have children just as there are lots of people who decide to have children there. It is a personal decision and totally up to you, it is NOT up to other people to tell you who they are bringing to your wedding.

anjerandunder Posted:

Re: is this rude or what?

very rude

eogara Posted:

Re: is this rude or what?

Posted by Soontobekunz

yesterday I was a baby shower for one of my cousins...and while I was leaving one of my of cousins comes to me and asks me what we are planning on doing about inviting children to the wedding (we decided not to invite them because b/t everyone there are 20 2nd cousins all children - that's a lot) so I told her that we haven't really decided yet (not really her busniess right now) and she turns to me and says 'well just to let you know I'm bringing mine'

Who does that? is that rude or what??? I'm sorry but I don't want to have a million kids running around and plus they are my 2nd cousins so I really don't know them - so now what am I going to do - and I can't invite some and not all.

I'm scared that not inviting them will cause ill feelings - am I wrong for not inviting them


Absolutely not!! Just think of how rude she was to state that, regardless of your wishes she is bringing her children. She's the one more likely to cause ill feelings by her obnoxious comment then you are by doing what is best for your wedding.
MRSJLK Posted:

Re: is this rude or what?

Posted by eogara

Posted by Soontobekunz

yesterday I was a baby shower for one of my cousins...and while I was leaving one of my of cousins comes to me and asks me what we are planning on doing about inviting children to the wedding (we decided not to invite them because b/t everyone there are 20 2nd cousins all children - that's a lot) so I told her that we haven't really decided yet (not really her busniess right now) and she turns to me and says 'well just to let you know I'm bringing mine'

Who does that? is that rude or what??? I'm sorry but I don't want to have a million kids running around and plus they are my 2nd cousins so I really don't know them - so now what am I going to do - and I can't invite some and not all.

I'm scared that not inviting them will cause ill feelings - am I wrong for not inviting them


Absolutely not!! Just think of how rude she was to state that, regardless of your wishes she is bringing her children. She's the one more likely to cause ill feelings by her obnoxious comment then you are by doing what is best for your wedding.


That is how we feel - there will be some children there - like my neice and my FH first cousins - since he is the oldest in his family he has younger first cousins all my 1st cousins are older w/ kids - extending the invites to second cousins is just too much for us. There comes a point when it's just too much. And if they can't come because they can't find a babysitter then that's not my problem.
lilacwine Posted:

Re: is this rude or what?

I'm expecting the same thing to happen to me.
Don't invite the kids if you don't want them, but be prepared that they'll be completely rude and inconsiderate and bring them anyway. Or, if you expect a bunch of people to do this, you may want to consider hiring a babysitter to watch the kids at a nearby hotel or someplace like that.
Charly Posted:

Re: is this rude or what?

Nope you are not wrong and that was rude of her!!! I have a strict NO CHILDREN rule. I love children, but I want it to be an adult reception. I couldn't justify paying $$$ for a plate for a child that doesn't appreciate what the day is about (as you can see we are on a budget). I also didn't want kids running around. I know sometimes they are the life of the party - but my FH and I just didn't want to deal with the 'unpredictablility' of children either.

I think its a very personal decision that most people will understand! and I have to admit most thanked me for it (a day/night away from the kids!!!)

But there is always one or two that are difficult about it. I have one person who says she won't come without her very ill behaved 4 year old. So I had to explain if I make an exception for her, that I have to make an exception for everyone and I can't do that. So understand its not personal, but if you can't make it I understand.

Do what you feel is right for you and your FH -you will never make everyone happy
May152005 Posted:

Re: is this rude or what?

That was definetly rude of her to say. It's your wedding & if you don't want any children there they have to accept that. But when she asked you if you were going to invite any children, since you already made the decision, you should have just told her that. I have done similar things in the past, whereas I knew what I wanted, but when I was asked about it, I just didn't feel like discussing it at that moment and the other person was thereby given the upper hand in the situation. I would just call her and politely say that you discussed it with FH & you decided you do not want children at the wedding. I would also do this sooner rather than later, because you don't want her telling other family members that shes bringing her kids.

tray831 Posted:

Re: is this rude or what?

Very rude to say --- and be sure to stick to your guns and leave your rule of no children. If she cant seem to understand it, then let her know that if she lets hers come, then all 20 have to come, and thats exactly what you are avoiding.

Im sure finding someone like a sitter, family member, etc. isnt so hard to find for one night for a few hours..........
divabride Posted:

Re: is this rude or what?

Im in the same boat as you. The only thing I can say is to stand your ground. No exceptions!!! I just hate the thought that there are always people that think they are above everyone else, and that the rules dont apply to them!! Good luck!!
marymoon Posted:

Re: is this rude or what?

That's DISGUSTING! EW

I really can't BELIEVE people. It's your wedding and her children are NOT invited. END of story. If she doens't want to leave her kids at home she can stay home with them!!!
Katherine121 Posted:

Re: is this rude or what?

Listen - you are not wrong honey. That was really rude of her. She's good to be on the guest list herself now.

Happybride2005 Posted:

Re: is this rude or what?

It was rude for her to even ask. Its your wedding and you're allowed to have who every you want at your reception.

gloriaalexander108 Posted:

Re: is this rude or what?

You are not wrong at all and SHE was VERY rude! I am inviting most of the people who's invited w/their children but that is my choice. But I was concerned about ppl doing exactly what that woman did (bringing ppl who aren't invited) so I'm gonna have on the response cards something like Star Jones from the View had. It said something like ' We will only accommodate the people who's names are listed on the invite' I dont remember exactly how it was worded. That may be a good idea to avoid any problems if you decide to invite the kids or not. It is totally your choice and remember it is YOUR day not theirs.
randella Posted:

Re: is this rude or what?

that is ridic- who was this woman.. stand your ground. this is your wedding day and you will have who you want there. do not worry about hurt feelings-- she is not concerned with your plans/feelings- why should you be with hers.

CaCRmr Posted:

Re: is this rude or what?

Stick to your guns and don't let ANYONE tell you who they're bringing and not bringing. It's your wedding and if you don't want children that's your choice. If the parents are so upset then don't come.
Kriss2c Posted:

Re: is this rude or what?

Well I often tend to be harsh with these sort of things. Your cousin was very rude to inform you in that manner.

If it were me, and again - probably not the best approach - I would just not invite that cousin and when she complains - I would hand her an etiquette book or something along those lines.

20 children is a lot at a reception. I had half that and that was pushing it.

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