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XOXO
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Re: Regrets about a BM - long
Unfortunately, I think it's a case of the 'just suck it up.' I'm currently doing the same thing![]()
You learn a lot when you plan a wedding, that's all I'm saying.
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Re: Regrets about a BM - long
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Re: Regrets about a BM - long
I am in the same exact position! What makes me so mad is that I did the whole nine yards for her wedding which was less than a year ago. You would think she would remember what it's like to plan a wedding.
I think I am just going to suck it up. I have already had one talk with her about it and she said she would be better, but she hasn't been.
Lets just say- you do start to see who your friends are.
I think I am just going to suck it up. I have already had one talk with her about it and she said she would be better, but she hasn't been.
Lets just say- you do start to see who your friends are.
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Re: Regrets about a BM - long
I was in the same position. I actually ended up regretting asking my MOH to my MOH, but she ended up picking a fight with me over something very silly (I think she was just looking for an excuse) and backed out.
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Re: Regrets about a BM - long
Posted by Gagie24
Lets just say- you do start to see who your friends are.
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Re: Regrets about a BM - long
Posted by Butterflybride
I was in the same position. I actually ended up regretting asking my MOH to my MOH, but she ended up picking a fight with me over something very silly (I think she was just looking for an excuse) and backed out.
This sounds horrible
Did she at least back out a while before the wedding so you had time to ask someone else?
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Re: Regrets about a BM - long
some reason or another, people tend to show their true colors when it comes to 'really being there for a friend' BM to bride and bride to BM. I do no think you should suck it up. Telling her will make things better. You will have a clear mind, you will not be fake with her, and maybe she does not realize what she is doing because she is still anxious about her plans. Of course you should tell her how you feel. The truth shall set you free. Friends come into our lives for one reason or another,.......you know that poem, right. Well, maybe this is the time where you 2 seperate. Besides your wedding, how is she a friend otherwise. Did you ask her because you 2 have been friends for a while and this is the constant in your lives, a past friendship that just went 2 different ways. Do not feel bad when you tell her how you feel. She does not feel bad saying that she'd rather not go out with you because she'll just look for herself. I'd call her up and go to lunch. Explain exactly how you feel. It might have a great outcome, it may not. But it will be the truth and it will be honest and that is life. Friends argue and have disagreements all the time. It's normal. It's not normal to have such strong disliked feelings and suck it up for the sake of thinking it will be less stress. YOur day means that you should surround yourself with all that love you. YOu do want to look back and be happy that every friend standing next to you at the alter, would stand next to you for anything. So that when her day comes, you can stand next to her. ..TALK to her. YOu can't give up on a friendship without being honest to yourself. Don't worry about asking someone else if she drops out. That someone else doesn't want to be a fill-in.
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Re: Regrets about a BM - long
Give her a direct opportunity to back out. The next time you ask her to do something with you or for your wedding and and she complains, approach her sternly and tell her that if she doesnt want to be in the wedding you understand because..... and then just point out what she does and how it makes you feel. Your wedding day should have no regrets IMO so why should you look back at your pics and say I should've never! Good Luck I know this is a hard situation to be in![]()
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Re: Regrets about a BM - long
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Re: Regrets about a BM - long
I was in the same situation as you... I couldn't 'suck it up' because it got to the point where it was getting so bad we both exploded! It made me realize that she was not a real friend w/some of the things she said. They hurt and I will never forget them! I was glad it happened early in the engagement, so not many plans were made yet or even after the wedding... Who would want to look at their wedding album and see pics of a friend in your bp that you no longer talk to or have it as a reminder of the things she said.
It's amazing how I have other good friends getting married the same time and they have been wonderful. We look out for each other and send each other little ideas for each others weddings.
With all this...I decided to keep my bridal party small and just keep it w/family.
Your situation could be very different, but I thought I would share, so you know it happens to a lot of us. Good luck and I hope it all works out. This will be one of the happiest times in your life...![]()
It's amazing how I have other good friends getting married the same time and they have been wonderful. We look out for each other and send each other little ideas for each others weddings.
With all this...I decided to keep my bridal party small and just keep it w/family.
Your situation could be very different, but I thought I would share, so you know it happens to a lot of us. Good luck and I hope it all works out. This will be one of the happiest times in your life...
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Re: Regrets about a BM - long
Thanks for all the input and support. ![]()
I'm really torn on this situation and I just feel helpless.
It really helps to read your advice and stories about how you dealt with similar situations. Thanks![]()
I'm really torn on this situation and I just feel helpless.
It really helps to read your advice and stories about how you dealt with similar situations. Thanks
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Re: Regrets about a BM - long
I don't think nor understand why someone would 'suck it up.' Honestly, if you are not loving her right now, do you think that it will change after the wedding? Probably not so what you have is someone who is not helpful, makes your planning miserable and you will probably stop being friends with once the wedding is over...unfortunatly you will now have this person in your wedding pictures forever...10,15,20 years from now your kids will ask you who that person was, she must have been special to be in your wedding and at that point it will dawn on you that you don't even remember what her name is.
Just doesn't seem worth it to me. BUT please keep in mind that I am someone who had the above fears so I made a rule to only ask my closest family members to be in my party (my sister, DH's sister and my cousin, who is like a second sister).
Just doesn't seem worth it to me. BUT please keep in mind that I am someone who had the above fears so I made a rule to only ask my closest family members to be in my party (my sister, DH's sister and my cousin, who is like a second sister).
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Re: Regrets about a BM - long
Posted by lilmrs
BUT please keep in mind that I am someone who had the above fears so I made a rule to only ask my closest family members to be in my party (my sister, DH's sister and my cousin, who is like a second sister).
Thanks for the help everyone
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Re: Regrets about a BM - long
It really is too bad. My cousin got engaged the day before me and two of mines friends got engaged with in the following two weeks. We had so much fun planning our weddings together.
She may want to back out herself and doesn't know how to tell you. Give her the opportunity and see what happens. Keep your fingers crossed![]()
She may want to back out herself and doesn't know how to tell you. Give her the opportunity and see what happens. Keep your fingers crossed
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Re: Regrets about a BM - long
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Re: Regrets about a BM - long
Posted by wood2be
It really is too bad. My cousin got engaged the day before me and two of mines friends got engaged with in the following two weeks. We had so much fun planning our weddings together.
She may want to back out herself and doesn't know how to tell you. Give her the opportunity and see what happens. Keep your fingers crossed![]()
You are really lucky. That is what I always pictured my wedding plannning to be like, but the friends who want to share it with me unfortunately live to far away
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Re: Regrets about a BM - long
Posted by troutster
Posted by Butterflybride
I was in the same position. I actually ended up regretting asking my MOH to my MOH, but she ended up picking a fight with me over something very silly (I think she was just looking for an excuse) and backed out.
This sounds horrible, but I almost wish she would just back out....
Did she at least back out a while before the wedding so you had time to ask someone else?
Nope, she backed out literally the DAY before.
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Re: Regrets about a BM - long
Posted by Butterflybride
I was in the same position. I actually ended up regretting asking my MOH to my MOH, but she ended up picking a fight with me over something very silly (I think she was just looking for an excuse) and backed out.
This sounds horrible
Did she at least back out a while before the wedding so you had time to ask someone else?
Nope, she backed out literally the DAY before.
I can't believe that! That is awful!! What did you do??? Who did you then ask to be your moh?
I dont' think mine will back out
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Re: Regrets about a BM - long
Posted by skittles
some reason or another, people tend to show their true colors when it comes to 'really being there for a friend' BM to bride and bride to BM. I do no think you should suck it up. Telling her will make things better. You will have a clear mind, you will not be fake with her, and maybe she does not realize what she is doing because she is still anxious about her plans. Of course you should tell her how you feel. The truth shall set you free. Friends come into our lives for one reason or another,.......you know that poem, right. Well, maybe this is the time where you 2 seperate. Besides your wedding, how is she a friend otherwise. Did you ask her because you 2 have been friends for a while and this is the constant in your lives, a past friendship that just went 2 different ways. Do not feel bad when you tell her how you feel. She does not feel bad saying that she'd rather not go out with you because she'll just look for herself. I'd call her up and go to lunch. Explain exactly how you feel. It might have a great outcome, it may not. But it will be the truth and it will be honest and that is life. Friends argue and have disagreements all the time. It's normal. It's not normal to have such strong disliked feelings and suck it up for the sake of thinking it will be less stress. YOur day means that you should surround yourself with all that love you. YOu do want to look back and be happy that every friend standing next to you at the alter, would stand next to you for anything. So that when her day comes, you can stand next to her. ..TALK to her. YOu can't give up on a friendship without being honest to yourself. Don't worry about asking someone else if she drops out. That someone else doesn't want to be a fill-in.
I ditto what she said! I couldn't have said it better. What is the worst thing that could happen? She backs out- which is what your heart seems to want right now anyway, plus, you will have this off of your mind and can move ahead with the people who are there for you.
